How to get super reluctant wife into this?

[staggy]

Hello all,

I have spouse who is super conservative upbringing and all. When I brought this up, she says absolutely not and cites conservative upbringing and how it is wrong and all.

So question, how were you able to get your reluctant wife who hated hearing this fetish brought up, to her actually doing it?

And did that first experience go?

 

[MisterNobody]

Well, I haven't yet. But I might be a little further along than you.

My wife Anna is fairly conservative, but more importantly struggles to get her head around the actual concept of this. She has been quite active in fantasy play sometimes, but then another time seems totally not into it.

I'm stuck there (I have a thread on my current dilemma about whether/how to push her into the arms and/or bed of a doctor she met through work but no progress yet) but I think you could at least get to the fantasy stage from where you are.

Maybe think about starting from wherever she is. What does she like? What turns her on? Is fantasy play acceptable to her?

I think two things helped with us.

First, I got Anna to feel comfortable enough to tell me her very secret mmf/mmmf fantasy (which she kept to herself because she assumed I would hate it). I've been very slow to realise quite how useful that fantasy is - I started off by not spotting how my being involved in in a mmf or mmmf situation would be almost identical to my cuckold fantasy, just with my active involvement instead of watching or being told about it.

Second, I semi-made up - well, heavily adapted - an intense wet dream which spelt out one of my best cuckold scenarios (Anna is chatted up by the best man at a wedding and uses him to tease me until it goes much too far), but shamelessly sprinkled with details I knew would do it for her.

FWIW, although I'm not much further on than you, I would suggest starting small and not too scary. I've admitted to Anna that I love it when she gets chatted up, for instance. Especially if she shows a little interest back.

Key to anything in that direction would be reading her mind and anticipating her thought-based, emotional and physical reactions. I've had to keep assuring Anna of my complete love and lust for her; that I would never ever risk losing her; that I'm not secretly gay; and that I'm not looking for a hall pass.

For me, while I do think I would be extremely happy and horny if this happens in real life, if I can just keep the fantasy acceptable to her I think I can probably survive.

I'm also posting so the topic is bumped as I would definitely like to see some more successful cucks, and maybe some more open minded ladies, giving some advice on how to corrupt our good wives!

 

[coastalkid]

I can personally attest to the great difficulty in being married to a wife raised in an ultra conservative Christian household. It has taken decades to put a small dent in that wall. My wife knows I crave sex but after years of her being ambivalent towards sex caused me to shut down. She's always known that a "good wife" doesn't withhold sex from her husband and she would have sex with me as a form of obligation. She never understood the implications. It didn't sink in until I failed to get hard for her. It had been more than a month since the last time we had sex and I "should" have been more that n ready for it

I was in tears. I shut down. I felt like I lost my best my best friend. The ONE thing I wanted more than anything, a sex life that was fun and fulfilling was now something that was gone. My wife finally became aware of the depth of my heartache. I felt defeated and hopeless. I refused to discuss it with her, the pain and the absence of any hope was just too much to deal with. All the joy and life in my personality and behavior was gone. I felt like a zombie.

Eventually we did have a discussion. Even then my wife was so blinded by her attitude towards sex that she didn't understand her role in my feelings and emotions. She tried explaining herself by saying, "Sex just isn't as important to me as it obviously is to you." This statement was also obvious. She didn't consider how devastating her admission would be. I took it as another failure on my part to elevate her desire for sex. I didn't offer anything that she would crave. Even though she was not intending to cause more hurt, she did so unwittingly.

I think she's beginning to understand the results of her suppression of "all things sexual". Her comfort in ignoring it has shown it's visible impact on me and she has taken some ownership it's outcome. Things are getting better though. She has, at my request, engaged in being vocal during sex. She knows I find the hot wife scenario as exciting. She of course has said it would never happen. I told her that I didn't expect her to do anything she didn't want to do.

She has agreed to engage in "dirty talk" in bed. She was timid and awkward at first but now she has come up with stuff that even surprises me. She's learned to make me orgasm whenever she wants me to just by talking. I'm re-energized as a result and I can see her being comforted by my renewed enthusiasm in her smile. We've also had much more frequent and satisfying sex.

We have been married 47 years and I would say dealing with a conservative spouse is one of the three toughest hurdles in having a satisfying sex life. The two other major "showstoppers" were post-partum depression and menopause. Amazingly, we are still together. We may be moving at a snail's pace but we are moving!

 

[Catholic_Wife]

I can personally attest to the great difficulty in being married to a wife raised in an ultra conservative Christian household. It has taken decades to put a small dent in that wall. My wife knows I crave sex but after years of her being ambivalent towards sex caused me to shut down. She's always known that a "good wife" doesn't withhold sex from her husband and she would have sex with me as a form of obligation. She never understood the implications. It didn't sink in until I failed to get hard for her. It had been more than a month since the last time we had sex and I "should" have been more that n ready for it

I was in tears. I shut down. I felt like I lost my best my best friend. The ONE thing I wanted more than anything, a sex life that was fun and fulfilling was now something that was gone. My wife finally became aware of the depth of my heartache. I felt defeated and hopeless. I refused to discuss it with her, the pain and the absence of any hope was just too much to deal with. All the joy and life in my personality and behavior was gone. I felt like a zombie.

Eventually we did have a discussion. Even then my wife was so blinded by her attitude towards sex that she didn't understand her role in my feelings and emotions. She tried explaining herself by saying, "Sex just isn't as important to me as it obviously is to you." This statement was also obvious. She didn't consider how devastating her admission would be. I took it as another failure on my part to elevate her desire for sex. I didn't offer anything that she would crave. Even though she was not intending to cause more hurt, she did so unwittingly.

I think she's beginning to understand the results of her suppression of "all things sexual". Her comfort in ignoring it has shown it's visible impact on me and she has taken some ownership it's outcome. Things are getting better though. She has, at my request, engaged in being vocal during sex. She knows I find the hot wife scenario as exciting. She of course has said it would never happen. I told her that I didn't expect her to do anything she didn't want to do.

She has agreed to engage in "dirty talk" in bed. She was timid and awkward at first but now she has come up with stuff that even surprises me. She's learned to make me orgasm whenever she wants me to just by talking. I'm re-energized as a result and I can see her being comforted by my renewed enthusiasm in her smile. We've also had much more frequent and satisfying sex.

We have been married 47 years and I would say dealing with a conservative spouse is one of the three toughest hurdles in having a satisfying sex life. The two other major "showstoppers" were post-partum depression and menopause. Amazingly, we are still together. We may be moving at a snail's pace but we are moving!

So great to know you are moving forward!

 

[Catholic_Wife]

Hello all,

I have spouse who is super conservative upbringing and all. When I brought this up, she says absolutely not and cites conservative upbringing and how it is wrong and all.

So question, how were you able to get your reluctant wife who hated hearing this fetish brought up, to her actually doing it?

And did that first experience go?

Look, don't want to sound pessimistic (and I really don't want to diminsh any of your enthusiasm) but first thing you need to consider is about the wife's willingness to got into this LS. It's always over your own.

For example, wife here is a conservative person to many things in life, but she never was a prude relating to sex. And that made all difference, and made it easier.

I believe your situation might require lots of patience. Patience to try enticing her mildly at first, opening up not to the idea of going raw into sharing spouses or do cuckolding, but just fantasizing. Then turning those fantasies in recurrent ones, leading her to be more active and talkative. It will take some good time, for sure.

Your first challenge will be to became more imaginative with her, making your wife comfortable with that at least. Don't push anything real for now.

Just then you might lead her to embrace some more meaty and real experiences with other men/people.

 

[chastetexan]

SLOWLY.


That's how we both got comfortable talking about it, and though we haven't played with others yet (and might not ever) the mental aspect of role playing by itself was uncomfortable at first but now we both enjoy it and embrace it.

Just make sure that you don't rush to tell her your fantasies. While you have been wanting this for a while, it's going to be new to her.

 

[Dogsarebetter4r]

There is a book titled Divine Sex by Philo. It discusses the biblical explanation of alternative sex lives.

 

[wild_man]

SLOWLY.


That's how we both got comfortable talking about it, and though we haven't played with others yet (and might not ever) the mental aspect of role playing by itself was uncomfortable at first but now we both enjoy it and embrace it.

Just make sure that you don't rush to tell her your fantasies. While you have been wanting this for a while, it's going to be new to her.

Hey I love y’all’s posts but can’t send dms…where in tx are you located?

 

[andysmith]

never gonna happen. sorry. It is a big deal for your type of woman and a sep she wont take

 

[mikewannacuck]

There is possibility that it could never happen.

Communication is key, but in this case the very last thing you want to do is to 'talk about it'.
Her worldview is that it is wrong, and there is no amount of encouragement you can give her to make her feel otherwise.

The best 'hope' (should you wish to pursue this) is simply exploratory.
Do everything on your end only (be it dirty talk, toys, lingerie, etc.) and observe the reaction her body has.
Don't even ask what she thinks. Her words would go through her filter and are likely to not reflect what she is feeling, but instead what she thinks she should feel.

Have her do nothing (since she would likely resent having to do any of it).
When you do X (dirty talk, describing fantasies, toys, etc.) you should be observant to one thing and one thing only.
Does it make her wet?
If so, do more of it and see what adjacencies you can explore.
If it makes her dry, stop and don't revisit it.
If you feel like it isn't making a difference, don't dwell or forse. It isn't the path to success and if lingered on will build resentment.

I am not speaking of posters in this thread, but also realize that most on this forum are complete idiots. They provide generic stereotypical advice (get a large BBC dildo and give it the name of a star she likes, compliment her, etc.).

Seduction and sexual transformation isn't a paint-by-numbers endeavor, it is a tango.
Yes, there are steps, but more important than the 'right step' is that the step is right for your partner at that precise time.

 

[coastalkid]

There is possibility that it could never happen.

Communication is key, but in this case the very last thing you want to do is to 'talk about it'.
Her worldview is that it is wrong, and there is no amount of encouragement you can give her to make her feel otherwise.

The best 'hope' (should you wish to pursue this) is simply exploratory.
Do everything on your end only (be it dirty talk, toys, lingerie, etc.) and observe the reaction her body has.
Don't even ask what she thinks. Her words would go through her filter and are likely to not reflect what she is feeling, but instead what she thinks she should feel.

Have her do nothing (since she would likely resent having to do any of it).
When you do X (dirty talk, describing fantasies, toys, etc.) you should be observant to one thing and one thing only.
Does it make her wet?
If so, do more of it and see what adjacencies you can explore.
If it makes her dry, stop and don't revisit it.
If you feel like it isn't making a difference, don't dwell or forse. It isn't the path to success and if lingered on will build resentment.

I am not speaking of posters in this thread, but also realize that most on this forum are complete idiots. They provide generic stereotypical advice (get a large BBC dildo and give it the name of a star she likes, compliment her, etc.).

Seduction and sexual transformation isn't a paint-by-numbers endeavor, it is a tango.
Yes, there are steps, but more important than the 'right step' is that the step is right for your partner at that precise time.

This good and realistic advice!

 

[alinaali]

i use to be really reluctant till i saw how one of his younger friends felt about me. one thing led to another till i felt all of his friend inside me 🙈

 

[coocoo]

There is possibility that it could never happen.

Communication is key, but in this case the very last thing you want to do is to 'talk about it'.
Her worldview is that it is wrong, and there is no amount of encouragement you can give her to make her feel otherwise.

The best 'hope' (should you wish to pursue this) is simply exploratory.
Do everything on your end only (be it dirty talk, toys, lingerie, etc.) and observe the reaction her body has.
Don't even ask what she thinks. Her words would go through her filter and are likely to not reflect what she is feeling, but instead what she thinks she should feel.

Have her do nothing (since she would likely resent having to do any of it).
When you do X (dirty talk, describing fantasies, toys, etc.) you should be observant to one thing and one thing only.
Does it make her wet?
If so, do more of it and see what adjacencies you can explore.
If it makes her dry, stop and don't revisit it.
If you feel like it isn't making a difference, don't dwell or forse. It isn't the path to success and if lingered on will build resentment.

I am not speaking of posters in this thread, but also realize that most on this forum are complete idiots. They provide generic stereotypical advice (get a large BBC dildo and give it the name of a star she likes, compliment her, etc.).

Seduction and sexual transformation isn't a paint-by-numbers endeavor, it is a tango.
Yes, there are steps, but more important than the 'right step' is that the step is right for your partner at that precise time.

Great advice. My wife and I have been doing all sorts of role-plays and she gets really wet and wild and moans a lot which she never did when we used to have normal sex. Do you think there is a possibility?

 

[FunTimesCpl]

suggest some books, example the Omega Academy and all Omega female Alpha female reverse harem literature. Very hot stuff.

 

[Wantsomefunto]

Get her some toys so she cums harder and feels what it’s like to be full

 

[coocoo]

She doesnt like them as she doesnt feel as warm and soft as the real ones.

 

[Diver_35]

We had a friend that had a super ultra conservative household. She was so uptight she would not even undress in front of her husband with lights on much less have sex with the lights on. One night at a party she did something out of the ordinary she had more than one drink. About her third drink she started dancing with the other guys and actually rubbing back when they rubbed their erections on her. They normally left early and when bouses started getting opened and she saw other women letting not their husbands play and suck their nipples she told her husband that it looked like the ladies were enjoying it. He assured her they were and unbuttoned her blouse and helped her remove her bra. One of the guys asked her to dance and while on the dance floor he palmed one of her breasts then sucked it. She came for the first time with someone other than her husband. Before the night was over she also had ridden her first cock not her husband and got her first cream pie. She sobered up the next day asked her husband some questions and said it was so much fun she wanted to do it again. At the party the next weekend she didn't bother with panties or bar. She hasn't looked back and is a total cock hound. NO not my wife

 

[StagHubbySuprem]

By reading a lot of the responses to your posts I don’t think that mine is going to come as a shock to you, but it takes a lot of time and one of the things you have to be very comfortable with is the fact that it may never actually happen. I talk to my wife many many times showed her a lot of porn And for years she was a definite no at times it even seemed like she would get annoyed when I would bring it up and yes, I was bringing it up all of the time and I just couldn’t help myself. I honestly do not know what made her change her mind. I have some ideas, but a friend of mine once told me a person is only as faithful as their access to their fantasies allows them to be, and I have a feeling my wife met a guy that she simply just couldn’t resist. And I got lucky that she didn’t just flat out. Leave me, and that we have been able to have an open. And that we have been able to have an open relationship. My wife isn’t into humiliating me. She’s just much more embracing now of her sexuality so good luck hopefully one day she comes around.

 

[coocoo]

Even though, my wife says she wont do in real, she shows the signs that if she finds a guy of her liking she’s gonna do it. She fears the guilt afterwards. When we started playing roleplays, I felt something tgat I never felt before. She was moaning like never before, wet like never before and tight like never before. She squeezed my dick so hard in her pussy, it almost felt painful. So, she has the slut in her for sure. But the traditional upbringing is stopping her, I guess. But I am constantly on it cause I dont get hard anymore if we dont talk about it.

 

[StagHubbySuprem]

Yeah, I honestly do think that for me and my wife I really couldn’t get it up unless I was like watching the porn or fantasizing about it so our sex life definitely started to really suck and I got very lucky that she met a black guy that was openly trying to fuck her and I honestly think for me my wife just got a weird combination of horny and pissed And the first time she actually fucked the guy there was like almost some animosity in it. I remember saying something to the effect of like you’re about to get what you ask for and then I watched this guy fuck her for like 2 1/2 hours and it kind of I don’t know it dumb She realized I was so turned on by it and that I was satisfied and that I didn’t hate her and that I loved her afterwards that I wanted to do it more and yeah, I just got lucky. I definitely think back to it and she could’ve easily left me for that guy.