Major changes since my last post. Not even sure where to begin.
She was all lined up to meet her newest friend again last Thursday after work. They were to meet between 7 and 8 pm. She was hoping he would spend the night and fuck her both before and after sleeping. Then…. He went radio silent. She waited and waited and passed the time sending me sexy photos. Eventually, she gave up and went to the gym to workout. She was pretty bummed, but it comes with the territory.
She worked in the morning and then started her four hour drive home on Friday. I asked if she ever heard anything from him and she said she hadn’t. Then, speak of the devil, he was reaching out. She left the message unread for a while. Eventually, she did read it and he had been involved in a car accident on the way home from work. She sent me a photo of his truck and it was messed up in the front end but not so damaged that there were life threatening injuries. She was totally fine with this answer, but I saw no reason he couldn’t have let her know what happened and that he wouldn’t make it. I guess we just agreed to disagree.
I picked my wife up at the rental car place mid afternoon and drove her home. We then both worked late to get caught up at work. Then she went to the gym. After the gym, she showered and came upstairs and we had sex. I was excited to have my wife back home, but she didn’t seem to be all that into it. I chalked it up to her being tired and a long week at work.
Saturday and most of yesterday was spent chasing our kids to sporting events. We finally had some free time after 4pm yesterday. She went to the gym and I took a nap. When I woke up from my nap, she came in and wanted to talk. She had a strange look on her face. I thought she was going to tell me that her new friend gave her a disease or something. She climbed into bed with me and started to tear up. I asked her what was wrong and to just talk to me. She then explained that she has a strong connection with this new guy and she wants to pursue it. My heart dropped. I ask3 for more details and she explained that she is very confused and doesn’t want me to get her. But she also has strong feelings for this guy. She then said the she had talked to him yesterday and he told her he feels the same way.
At that point, I heard as much as I could handle at the time. I got out of bed, got dressed, and told her I was going for a drive to clear my head. I grabbed the keys to our convertible, dropped the top, and headed out. I stopped at the gas station, grabbed a water, and the headed to a nearby town. When I got there, I sent my wife a message stating, “It says a lot that it took less than a week and three dates to have enough dpfeelings for this to jeopardize our relationship”. I then turned off my phone so I could digest everything and not be tempted to text and drive.
I went to a local car wash and sprayed the dust off my car. I just needed something to focus on while I tried to sort through my thoughts. Then ai took a short drive to a local park where I could sit and think. I eventually turned my phone back on and had a couple messages from her. “I wasn’t looking to replace you” and “I didn’t expect this at all”. “I hate this” and “I’m sorry, I hope you don’t hate me”.
Ireplied, “Is it over?”, “Are you done with me?”
She replied “I don’t want to lose you”. “But I want to continue to see J”
From there, we had a long back and forth about what we agreed to when we started this lifestyle and that she has now broken every rule. In a nutshell, she wants me to sit here while she sees if there is anything with this guy. To be clear, our agreement has always been to have a hard stop the moment feelings start. That didn’t happen. She also didn’t even think that she should stop. Only wanted to tell me how she feels and that she will always wonder if she doesn’t see this through.
I realize that there is a very good chance that this is all new relationship energy and will most likely not turn into something serious. However, I am also not going to wait for it to fail and spend the rest of my life knowing I am just her backup plan. I let her know that she has to make a choice and that no matter what she does, I don’t see us getting back to where we were. My trust is completely gone. Not because she has feelings for him, but because she put their “relationship” in front of ours. She just wants me to give even more, while she doesn’t give a shit about how I feel.
I eventually came home late last night with the understanding that she would leave me alone. I got home around 10 pm but couldn’t fall asleep. My mind was going a mile a minute. Sometime around 3am, she texted me and asked if I was up. I said I was and she came in to see me. She wanted to be held and keep saying she was sorry. However, she also isn’t saying that she realizes that she needs to stop seeing this guy. I don’t really have anything more to say at this point.
We were supposed to have a long weekend away in a few days, but I told her I don’t have any interest in that anymore. We have been married 15 years and known each other for 18. It took three dates and less than I week to take a back seat.
This guy lives four hours away but my wife travels there regularly for work. In fact, she is going back next Sunday for at least another week.
I am moving past the shock, anger, hurt phase and thinking about how to protect me and our kids. I plan to have a talk with her today about separating our finances. Even if I decide to give her time to pursue this, I think she should be doing so on her own dime. I also do not want to alarm the kids. If she stops seeing this guy, I would consider staying married as friends for the sake of the kids. But once our kids are grown I want out.
I have put my feelings after hers and continued to let her change the rules as she saw fit. I draw the line here and it isn’t negotiable. I also see this as the end of the hotwife road. If it’s only her feelings and security that matters, I’m out. I need to start the rebuilding process, mentally, physically, and financially.
Any thoughts or feedback would be appreciated. Shit happens!
