My wife, our situation, your thoughts

[Angelwife]

Hi, so my wife is 44, and we have been married for 23 years. We are in a happy relationship, but I have known for a very long time I've wanted to share her with another guy.
When things like swinging ever get mentioned on TV I can guarantee she will say "I don't get how they'd do it,it's weird".
The following has taken place over last 3-4 years.....
Anyway, in the car it was being discussed on the radio. She says her usual phrase, and to my surprise I responded/blurted out, "oh I don't know a mfm would be fun, like having a real life dildo". She was quiet for about 30 seconds then said "no,it would be against our wedding vows, its best we stay as we are ".
We use realistic dildos we refer to as he, and I tell her she looks beautiful taking me and him, and she's said in throes of passion she loves two cocks.
I've tried the, "I had a dream you were being pounded from behind, and I was sat in the room, watching and jerking, it was really hot", I then showed her I was hard just thinking about it. She called me a kinky sod, and brought it up a couple of times to laugh the next few days.
She loves sex and we have a great sex life, we'll, pretty good, she has even got me to start tying her to the bed with some light bdsm- which she loves.
So, your thoughts on whether I'm in a dream world, stuck with fantasy forever, or I'd there a chance? And if so, how do I press it home, what's my next move. If your answer is "just tell her" (which is fair), please give me a way to do so.
Thanks for your time, and sorry for the long message.

 

[GuiltyMethod2]

It’s a tough call, I get it and I get the same push back but it’s confusing. My wife kinda tells me the same thing except my wife gives me a little more about the fantasy. She’ll get wet over her with a BBC but she has to work to get her head there. If I can get her to relax and let go of the consequences then she’s able, Some nights are better than others. I actually think she’s more keen on being with another woman sometimes because she finds that more erotically intriguing. I think one day we’ll get there just based on our trust with each other and how we’re fairly open when it comes to sex but if we don’t then I’m also good with it. Nothing really is off the table, porn, toys, we go out to the bar and she doesn’t wear panties to spice up the evening. The only thing that is not an option is me with another man in any capacity. I try to let her know that it’s a chance spur of the moment situation while on a vacation just her and me. A taboo no names no phone numbers just a moment of lust with someone that she looks over at and actually turns her on and she mentions it to me. At that point we’ll see where it goes if that ever presents itself. Give it time, plant the seeds and let it just happen if it’s going to happen. The safer I think she feels and secure that this is just added activity for your marriage pleasures the easier I think it’ll happen. In our fantasy talks during sex I tell her that they are there for our playing pleasures not the other way around. Give her the feel that she owns and controls the Guilty pleasure and we can stop and remove ourselves at any moment. A taboo guilty pleasure that no one ever has to know about that we enjoy when we feel like it.

 

[JerzyJonesNotBo]

Next time you tie her to the bed put a blindfold on her. Tell her that you have invited a friend over to watch what you do to her. Make appropriate noises...door opening, shushing "your friend" and telling him he can only watch but not touch etc. See if she gets turned on by it. If so, then tell her that next time he comes over you'll leave him alone with her and you'll tell him he can only touch her for 30 minutes. Build it up over time and see how she responds.

 

[Caldosch]

I'm in a very similar situation. See my post further down in this section.
All I can say is what you probably already know. Keep adding to it with small things. The blindfold idea is a great one. Maybe name your dildos etc. Pick your timing as well. I try and introduce the idea when she's at her horniest time of the month and not every time either. You don't want to scare her off and end up starting from scratch again
It's a tough one because women are all different and what works for one might not work for a other.
Sounds like you're on the right path though. Hopefully we can both get our wives shared soon!

 

[Angelwife]

Thank you for the responses. The timing is one I stupidly hadn't considered, so I will be more mindful of when I turn up the heat next time.
I like the idea of pretending someone is coming to watch, id have to make sure I don't scare her though!
Her owning the guilty pleasure may also be key. She needs to know its ok,it's for her, for us, as part of our marraige intermacy. I will keep trying the many methods, although I'm away with work for the next few weeks, so it's difficult.
If im allowed, I'd like to journal our progression (or otherwise!) here, if nothing else to get others perspectives?
Thank you everyone that has replied so far, in a world where I sometimes feel its just me with this desired addition to our relationship, it means a lot.

 

[Little_devil]

My wife was very conservative when we first got together. I didn't think she would ever agree to anything beyond us for years. When I started to have these fantasies I kept them to myself at first because I was afraid it would make her feel a certain way about me. After being married for a few years I started to share my fantasy with her and, although she wouldn't participate, she let me know she was ok with me having the fantasies. But I always got "don't expect it to ever happen" response from her. I didn't realize it but I was planting the seeds as mentioned above. For several years it didn't seem to be going anywhere so I began to settle on it never happening. Then one night in a bar we were joking around and started to play, who would you do. We would take turns picking out people at the bar and ask each other which would we pick to fuck if we had to. We had to pick one and then we would explain why we picked that person. The answers we gave was sometimes funny, but always interesting and we learned some things about each other we didn't know. This started to give me some hope again as she seemed edger to play this game when ever the two of us went out. To my surprise, one night, she asked how far would I really be willing to go. When it was her turn to answer she started with, "this may surprise you, but in the right situation, maybe." BINGO!!! For the next several nights at home we talked about what we would be willing to try and what would be unacceptable. All of a sudden we were on swinger sites building our profile and were soon immersed in the lifestyle. My point is, I was in that situation and planted those seeds. I never got pushy or upset at her responses or lack of a response, but gently kept at it. I was lucky that she finally agreed to try and she enjoyed it, more so than she ever thought she would. But at the same time, you have to be prepared to accept that she may never come around. In fact, I would say chances are she won't, and you need to be ok with that. After all, she should be much more important than any of this. I look forward to hearing how it turns out for you guys.

 

[Angelwife]

My wife was very conservative when we first got together. I didn't think she would ever agree to anything beyond us for years. When I started to have these fantasies I kept them to myself at first because I was afraid it would make her feel a certain way about me. After being married for a few years I started to share my fantasy with her and, although she wouldn't participate, she let me know she was ok with me having the fantasies. But I always got "don't expect it to ever happen" response from her. I didn't realize it but I was planting the seeds as mentioned above. For several years it didn't seem to be going anywhere so I began to settle on it never happening. Then one night in a bar we were joking around and started to play, who would you do. We would take turns picking out people at the bar and ask each other which would we pick to fuck if we had to. We had to pick one and then we would explain why we picked that person. The answers we gave was sometimes funny, but always interesting and we learned some things about each other we didn't know. This started to give me some hope again as she seemed edger to play this game when ever the two of us went out. To my surprise, one night, she asked how far would I really be willing to go. When it was her turn to answer she started with, "this may surprise you, but in the right situation, maybe." BINGO!!! For the next several nights at home we talked about what we would be willing to try and what would be unacceptable. All of a sudden we were on swinger sites building our profile and were soon immersed in the lifestyle. My point is, I was in that situation and planted those seeds. I never got pushy or upset at her responses or lack of a response, but gently kept at it. I was lucky that she finally agreed to try and she enjoyed it, more so than she ever thought she would. But at the same time, you have to be prepared to accept that she may never come around. In fact, I would say chances are she won't, and you need to be ok with that. After all, she should be much more important than any of this. I look forward to hearing how it turns out for you guys.

Awesome response, thank you. I'm so glad it worked out well for you both.

 

[Jeanswatcher]

Its a very difficult one, though i will say her lack of any input makes me think that its unlikely to happen.

My honest view based on many years of experience in this lifestyle is that the numbers of women who actually are shared percentage wise is actually very low, social and moral influences from an early age impact on this as well as a true desire for most to only want to play with their husbands or partners.

Whilst it appears quite common on here, this doesnt give a correct indication of how many wives actually play in real life.

The board title: "How to convince your wife/partner" is fine but men have to understand if she wants to she will and if she doesnt want to she wont. My view has always been that, i simply creat opportunites and if my wife wishes to take them she will and if she doesnt want to..... luckily she has many times taking several long term lovers.

Good luck though from what youve written i think your chances are slim and if she did it would be likely to cause real problems in your relationship as she may feel pushed into doing something she doesnt want to.

 

[Angelwife]

Its a very difficult one, though i will say her lack of any input makes me think that its unlikely to happen.

My honest view based on many years of experience in this lifestyle is that the numbers of women who actually are shared percentage wise is actually very low, social and moral influences from an early age impact on this as well as a true desire for most to only want to play with their husbands or partners.

Whilst it appears quite common on here, this doesnt give a correct indication of how many wives actually play in real life.

The board title: "How to convince your wife/partner" is fine but men have to understand if she wants to she will and if she doesnt want to she wont. My view has always been that, i simply creat opportunites and if my wife wishes to take them she will and if she doesnt want to..... luckily she has many times taking several long term lovers.

Good luck though from what youve written i think your chances are slim and if she did it would be likely to cause real problems in your relationship as she may feel pushed into doing something she doesnt want to.

I appreciate your honesty, thank you.

 

[bhappy_39]

Hi, so my wife is 44, and we have been married for 23 years. We are in a happy relationship, but I have known for a very long time I've wanted to share her with another guy.
When things like swinging ever get mentioned on TV I can guarantee she will say "I don't get how they'd do it,it's weird".
The following has taken place over last 3-4 years.....
Anyway, in the car it was being discussed on the radio. She says her usual phrase, and to my surprise I responded/blurted out, "oh I don't know a mfm would be fun, like having a real life dildo". She was quiet for about 30 seconds then said "no,it would be against our wedding vows, its best we stay as we are ".
We use realistic dildos we refer to as he, and I tell her she looks beautiful taking me and him, and she's said in throes of passion she loves two cocks.
I've tried the, "I had a dream you were being pounded from behind, and I was sat in the room, watching and jerking, it was really hot", I then showed her I was hard just thinking about it. She called me a kinky sod, and brought it up a couple of times to laugh the next few days.
She loves sex and we have a great sex life, we'll, pretty good, she has even got me to start tying her to the bed with some light bdsm- which she loves.
So, your thoughts on whether I'm in a dream world, stuck with fantasy forever, or I'd there a chance? And if so, how do I press it home, what's my next move. If your answer is "just tell her" (which is fair), please give me a way to do so.
Thanks for your time, and sorry for the long message.

There is definitely a chance. That's how we started off with dildos. Then we met with other couples and had sex in the same room. Then we started swapping with some couples and eventually just led to having a man join us in a threesome. Now I prefer to just let her have sex with another man while I watch very arousing. Once we met a much older stranger in a bar. I got to watch him seduce my wife it was extremely arousing. Oh and alcohol definitely helps. Unfortunately it's been a while since we've had any fun like that.

 

[Phun Times 727]

I am working on a similar situation but may have less hurdles. She told me when she was young she had a tongue piercing and fooled around with a couple. I guess the guy in the couple told his girl he had a thing for my chick who was not mine at time and the 2 women worked it out where the three of them would do something. Somehow they got the guys cock piercing/ring/something or other caught in the tongue percing and the woman freaked out and was ready to call for help but cooler heads prevailed evidently and they somehow got it resolved.

In a different conversation she told me how her older sister and her husband were doing some swinging and she seemed interested. I am not really trying to swing and bang other chicks nor am I trying to have my girl in a bull relationship but I am very much interested in watching her with 2 other men at once. Her birthday is in July and we are planning a trip to Key West. We have a hotel we like with a waterfron huge balcony we have had sex on before. It faces the water and boats etc could see us which made it awesome. If I can arrange it hoping to have 2 guys lined up in Key West for July. I know it is a lot of logistics etc as we live hours away and would like to have clear medicals so we can truly enjoy condom free sex but I think I have a shot and time to plan.

 

[Angelwife]

I am working on a similar situation but may have less hurdles. She told me when she was young she had a tongue piercing and fooled around with a couple. I guess the guy in the couple told his girl he had a thing for my chick who was not mine at time and the 2 women worked it out where the three of them would do something. Somehow they got the guys cock piercing/ring/something or other caught in the tongue percing and the woman freaked out and was ready to call for help but cooler heads prevailed evidently and they somehow got it resolved.

In a different conversation she told me how her older sister and her husband were doing some swinging and she seemed interested. I am not really trying to swing and bang other chicks nor am I trying to have my girl in a bull relationship but I am very much interested in watching her with 2 other men at once. Her birthday is in July and we are planning a trip to Key West. We have a hotel we like with a waterfron huge balcony we have had sex on before. It faces the water and boats etc could see us which made it awesome. If I can arrange it hoping to have 2 guys lined up in Key West for July. I know it is a lot of logistics etc as we live hours away and would like to have clear medicals so we can truly enjoy condom free sex but I think I have a shot and time to plan.

I really hope it works out for you, sounds an awesome birthday celebration!

 

[slyone80]

Sounds like what I’m going through. Currently still working on her with a larger dildo. Which she enjoys very much. We call it our friend. My wife always says she enjoys it while sucking my cock. And I continue to hint that it will be okay if she wants the real thing. But then she mentions it is against our wedding vows. Continue to remind her it’s about the pleasure and sex aspect. For now will continue to roleplay and one day maybe she will open up. She works in an office with nothing but men and have caught those guys staring at her many times at company functions.

 

[Scple2]

My wife and I talked about hot wiring for a while and she was hot on the idea one day and hell no on the next. We started listening to the Strictly Anonymous podcasts on YouTube and that really got her interested and excited about it. She’s technically not a hot wife yet (I have shared her in swinging experiences) but has met a guy twice and has committed to him she’s “taking it to the next level” the next time they meet. We’re hosting at our place, probably next week, we’re both excited!

 

[bhappy_39]

I am working on a similar situation but may have less hurdles. She told me when she was young she had a tongue piercing and fooled around with a couple. I guess the guy in the couple told his girl he had a thing for my chick who was not mine at time and the 2 women worked it out where the three of them would do something. Somehow they got the guys cock piercing/ring/something or other caught in the tongue percing and the woman freaked out and was ready to call for help but cooler heads prevailed evidently and they somehow got it resolved.

In a different conversation she told me how her older sister and her husband were doing some swinging and she seemed interested. I am not really trying to swing and bang other chicks nor am I trying to have my girl in a bull relationship but I am very much interested in watching her with 2 other men at once. Her birthday is in July and we are planning a trip to Key West. We have a hotel we like with a waterfron huge balcony we have had sex on before. It faces the water and boats etc could see us which made it awesome. If I can arrange it hoping to have 2 guys lined up in Key West for July. I know it is a lot of logistics etc as we live hours away and would like to have clear medicals so we can truly enjoy condom free sex but I think I have a shot and time to plan.

That sounds like a great time in key west. One of my favorite places to visit.

 

[Angelwife]

Sounds like what I’m going through. Currently still working on her with a larger dildo. Which she enjoys very much. We call it our friend. My wife always says she enjoys it while sucking my cock. And I continue to hint that it will be okay if she wants the real thing. But then she mentions it is against our wedding vows. Continue to remind her it’s about the pleasure and sex aspect. For now will continue to roleplay and one day maybe she will open up. She works in an office with nothing but men and have caught those guys staring at her many times at company functions.

This sounds really similar, let's hope we both eventually get there!

 

[Phun Times 727]

After some progress in form of discussion she stated her sister did a MFM 3 way so I asked a bit to open conversation. It was sis,hubby and a friend. So I primed things a bit and she said it would be easier if it were a friend vs a stranger or what I had planned-2 strangers. I started thinking through who and during Covid we made a friend who got dumped by his live in GF right after we met. With so much being closed atr that time we hung out a lot and went to a few of the places that were still open and joked we were a thrupple. I met up with him and a bunch of friends yesterday. I know he has always thought my wife was hot and I think she would be open to the idea. He has a new GF these days and she is super needy and jealous so I have to figure that out. I joked with him last night we should have just made it a thrupple thing back in 2020. After a few beers I slipped and out it came that I was thinking of having a threesome for my wife and she would prefer a friends, would he be interested? His biggest concern is the current GF being jealous ( did not seem to personally have issue with it thought, which is what I suspected all along). So I told him I would leave that part to him if he wanted to reveal to her or not and how to work that out. She may want to do a FMF with them plus my wife now. Which is OK, I have no issue there but at end of the day I am still looking for my wife to do a MFM with 2 other dudes while I watch. Maybe this is the way I get to that, I am not sure. I am trying to think of other friends she kinda of has had attraction to, its pretty limited.

 

[Phun Times 727]

An update. He invited my wife to have a drink with him and his girl (they are not married) and he was going to discuss a FMF with he and his girl, I dea was it was to be no prep jusy throw it out there, leave me out and see how it goes. That was Monday night. She came home from the drinks/meeting (I am still texting with him to see how it went) and she comes in, its late, we go to bed and she wants it. We have some great hot sex and go to sleep. Following morning she tells me they approached her for a 3 way and I told her she should do it. She was shocked. That night I reveal to her that I knew about it and had actually approached him fpr a MFM and that is how they started the FMF talk with him and his girl to later lead to MFM with the 3 of us and if she is open to it later a MFM I do not participate in but watch. We talked a lot after that....
So, yes she will likely do the FMF with them, maybe the MFM with he and I but the last option seemed to be the one that drew a lot of discussion. She had some strong feelings here, I guess I can understand, IF we do this (no guarantee) she wants to either decide who or at minimum be involved in the selection and retain option to say no. That seems fair. We would definitely do it a hotel, with adjoining rooms and video equipment. She is willing to act out the scene I am pushing for (her sucking one guy while other is fucking her and they push through several cum sessions, she takes loads in mouth while cumming herself). The thing she was adamant about was once that scene is done, and she is uncertain if she wants me in the room or just watching on camera from adjoining room but after that happens I am not fucking her, I am leaving the room and spending night in a different room. For safety she will remain in th known location but she can decide what she does with her own pussy and fuch who and how and as many as she wants from there and whether or not the camera remains on. In her words I may not want to see what she is going to do but it will involve things we no longer do (assuming anal). She also said I do not get to return to the room and fuck her, she will be off limits until we get back home the next day. Then back to normal.

She really took charge of this situation and I gotta say with her saying I was not going to be present for the heavy duty stuff- I was rock hard the entire time she was talking about it. I started imagining her having total inhibition and controlling the video. Does this sound feasible?

 

[Creampielover45]

An update. He invited my wife to have a drink with him and his girl (they are not married) and he was going to discuss a FMF with he and his girl, I dea was it was to be no prep jusy throw it out there, leave me out and see how it goes. That was Monday night. She came home from the drinks/meeting (I am still texting with him to see how it went) and she comes in, its late, we go to bed and she wants it. We have some great hot sex and go to sleep. Following morning she tells me they approached her for a 3 way and I told her she should do it. She was shocked. That night I reveal to her that I knew about it and had actually approached him fpr a MFM and that is how they started the FMF talk with him and his girl to later lead to MFM with the 3 of us and if she is open to it later a MFM I do not participate in but watch. We talked a lot after that....
So, yes she will likely do the FMF with them, maybe the MFM with he and I but the last option seemed to be the one that drew a lot of discussion. She had some strong feelings here, I guess I can understand, IF we do this (no guarantee) she wants to either decide who or at minimum be involved in the selection and retain option to say no. That seems fair. We would definitely do it a hotel, with adjoining rooms and video equipment. She is willing to act out the scene I am pushing for (her sucking one guy while other is fucking her and they push through several cum sessions, she takes loads in mouth while cumming herself). The thing she was adamant about was once that scene is done, and she is uncertain if she wants me in the room or just watching on camera from adjoining room but after that happens I am not fucking her, I am leaving the room and spending night in a different room. For safety she will remain in th known location but she can decide what she does with her own pussy and fuch who and how and as many as she wants from there and whether or not the camera remains on. In her words I may not want to see what she is going to do but it will involve things we no longer do (assuming anal). She also said I do not get to return to the room and fuck her, she will be off limits until we get back home the next day. Then back to normal.

She really took charge of this situation and I gotta say with her saying I was not going to be present for the heavy duty stuff- I was rock hard the entire time she was talking about it. I started imagining her having total inhibition and controlling the video. Does this sound feasible?

Go for it.. can’t wait for you to post the video

 

[Phun Times 727]

An update. He invited my wife to have a drink with him and his girl (they are not married) and he was going to discuss a FMF with he and his girl, I dea was it was to be no prep jusy throw it out there, leave me out and see how it goes. That was Monday night. She came home from the drinks/meeting (I am still texting with him to see how it went) and she comes in, its late, we go to bed and she wants it. We have some great hot sex and go to sleep. Following morning she tells me they approached her for a 3 way and I told her she should do it. She was shocked. That night I reveal to her that I knew about it and had actually approached him fpr a MFM and that is how they started the FMF talk with him and his girl to later lead to MFM with the 3 of us and if she is open to it later a MFM I do not participate in but watch. We talked a lot after that....
So, yes she will likely do the FMF with them, maybe the MFM with he and I but the last option seemed to be the one that drew a lot of discussion. She had some strong feelings here, I guess I can understand, IF we do this (no guarantee) she wants to either decide who or at minimum be involved in the selection and retain option to say no. That seems fair. We would definitely do it a hotel, with adjoining rooms and video equipment. She is willing to act out the scene I am pushing for (her sucking one guy while other is fucking her and they push through several cum sessions, she takes loads in mouth while cumming herself). The thing she was adamant about was once that scene is done, and she is uncertain if she wants me in the room or just watching on camera from adjoining room but after that happens I am not fucking her, I am leaving the room and spending night in a different room. For safety she will remain in th known location but she can decide what she does with her own pussy and fuch who and how and as many as she wants from there and whether or not the camera remains on. In her words I may not want to see what she is going to do but it will involve things we no longer do (assuming anal). She also said I do not get to return to the room and fuck her, she will be off limits until we get back home the next day. Then back to normal.

She really took charge of this situation and I gotta say with her saying I was not going to be present for the heavy duty stuff- I was rock hard the entire time she was talking about it. I started imagining her having total inhibition and controlling the video. Does this sound feasible?

So as an update the wife,friend and his grl got together 2 nights ago to do the threesome. My wife updated me after getting home since for this I could not be present for whatever reason. His girl is not comfortable with oral, giving or receiving and as such they have never done that. They get naked and presume the 2 women will start and he join in except his girl does not do anything so my wife decides she will start by getting him ready by blowing him a bit. She starts to suck his cock and his girl is just sitting not participating but watching. Once she has him fully hard she backs off and away encouraging his girl to come in and get on it, she moves closer and strokes it a couple times and positions like she is going to sit on it but doesn't and moves away. My wife puts it back in her mouth and finishes him and presents the evidence he came and swallows. She is thinking his chick will work him hard again but she starts to get dressed and they wrap up.
Next day they are all feeling weird and thinking rather than stay awkard they should get back together and actually do the threesome. So back together and clothes off etc. My wife kisses his girl thinking they may fool around. Not much happens, a kiss and lay against each other but nothing else. My wife holds back and his girl grabs his cock and rubs it til he gets hard but nothing else. My girl positions herself to sit back on his cock and his girl starts stroking it again, possibly to show ownership, who knows but she doesn't take it in her. My wife then turns around and figures she will suck him for a minute then the threesome will start, maybe his girl will join in, rub a boob, sit on his cock or something. She doesn't. She sits back and watches my wife suck his cock, which she proceeds to do again. When she feels something should change she turns and offers to have him go in doggy style, he gets just to the point he is lining up to put it in and his girl comes and rubs his cock for 20 seconds and backs away again. Confused my wife opts to continue sucking him and finishes him again. Not wanting the same situation she takes his girls hand and places on his cock to have her work it hard again. She obliges but it isn't really working. My wife decides the 2 women need to interact and starts to touch the womans body and boobs and it is met with only moderate interest at best. She kisses the man who coaxes her head back down towards his half hard cock. Thinking it would be awkard to suck him off again she licks down to but past his cock and tongues his balls but avoids sucking his cock. He is at least touching his girl now, rubbing her boobs and pussy. My wife is thingkig this is where things start so she takes his cock in her mouth to get him ready and he takes a hand off his girl and pushes down on my wifes head to indicate that is what he wanted. He played with his girl a bit by hand and got her a bit aroused. My wife slipped off his cock thinking he would put it in his girl. Nope. Things just kind of slowed down and they wrapped up.

After hearing this I am now frustrated as I have not been able to be there and it isn't going great anyway except my wife has blown him to completion two and a half times now and not a pussy has been entered, nor licked.

We are hoping at another shot at this in the next couple of days thinking maybe his girl is just nervous since she doesn't do oral and my wife loves to. I don't know but at some point I want to be there, not sure if it makes for more or less stress but I do not need to be a part of it. I will say that after my wife got home both times she was ready to go as nothing had entered or touched her below the waist.