I'm not at all surprised that word spread so quickly - that was bound to happen as soon as you did this and there's no way of putting that genie back in the bottle.
The guilt trip as you say was inevitable - this was a massive step to take - and only you can decide whether it's worth the risk of taking it further. Now you've experienced the excitement you might decide that that was enough and that you've pushed this fantasy as far as you dare and you want to back off. No one would blame you. But I suspect that the need will just get stronger till you want to do it again.
As for the covid risk, face to face is the biggy - you certainly wouldn't want to be kissing at present. But outdoors there is no build up of aerosols which is the big risk factor. That's why we are allowed to meet outdoors but have to be much more careful indoors. And hands is the other - hand gel for both parties is a good idea.
So I think there's no greater risk from a blow job as from a hand job - you're still not getting face to face. But again, you have to do what you are comfortable with in that respect. I'm not going to argue on that point as I'm not meeting at all till the end of lockdown. That's the 21st at the moment but that might still be pushed back. I've advocated all the way through that we should be following the guidelines.
But you will inevitably find that some guys will want to push for more than a wank - and again that's for you to decide when, if ever, you're happy to be pushed down the road of being used. You have a lot to risk and only you can decide whether your growing desire to be used is greater than your need for the security and stability you have at present. That's your choice to make - no one else's as you're the one who will have to live with the consequences. The only advice I can give is that from my own experience, once you start down this road it is very difficult to stop.
So look after yourself and be safe.
Love Lynn x
