Hello, I’m looking for some advice. Sorry if this is a little long winded but believe me, I left quite a bit out to shorten it up.
So about a week ago, my wife told me that we have to talk about something important. I got that nervous pit in my stomach and we sat down to discuss. She told me me that she has been unhappy lately in our marriage and she knows I’ve been unhappy too with the current state of affairs and our sex life. She accepted guilt for this and said “I need to start doing things for myself to make me happy and improve us”. She mentioned how she started a diet a few months ago and has lost weight and as a result she has been feeling more confident and sexual. Some background, prior to this we were in a rut and I hadn’t noticed an increased sexual appetite from her. In fact prior to this discussion we hadn’t had sex in 3 weeks. The times we did have sex, it seemed like more of a chore for her than pleasure. Sex was obligatory to her. She then proceeded and asked me how I would feel about giving her a hall pass for her to take a trip to Florida in June for 4 days and get a hotel with a guy she had sex with previously when we were in an open relationship back about 4 years ago. To give you some background, we have been married for three years and we were a little wild before then. The open relationship lasted for about 6 months and stopped at her request before we got married. The open relationship was her idea, she is naturally very sexual and had experience with the swinger lifestyle prior to meeting me, that world was completely new to me prior to meeting her.
Moving on with the conversation that night, I asked her “so you want to go back to having an open relationship” and she responded “well no, this would be for me only”. As you can imagine, I was completely floored. Within a split second I was flooded with a tidal wave of emotions that crested over me. I was speechless for a several minutes. The range of emotions I was feeling were fear, excitement, extreme sexual desire, anger, resentment, extreme sexual desire, sadness, self loathing, and did I mention extreme sexual desire? As you might have guessed, I was secretly very interested in cuckolding as my porn search history would tell you.
Well I tried to hide my emotions and I asked her if this would be a one time thing and she responded that she plans to fuck this guy “once or twice a year” and in the same breath said this would very much benefit me as well. I told her I didn’t understand why she should be allowed to do this but I can’t fuck other women, I think I said that to hide my secret desire to be a cuckold. She replied “it would be different for you because you still have the desire to fuck all the time”. She then confessed that she doesn’t have that same desire to fuck all the time and this would increase her sexual desire with me. Then she looked over and saw my cock was hard and I was touching myself so she knew she had me right then and there. She proceeded to hop on top of me and we had incredible sex. It was the most passionate sex we’ve had since the open relationship. So right then and there I knew this was going to happen but I didn’t give her my decision right away, I wanted to drag it out and enjoy this for a few more days. I knew she was playing me and I took full advantage of that.
We continued to have great sex for two days, more than we had in the previous 3 months combined. We had sex 3 times in less than 24 hours after that conversation, twice that night. After the 3rd day I felt bad for dragging this out and I told her I would allow this under one condition. In order for me to get the most out of this arrangement I needed her to be in complete control. I didn’t want a hotwife arrangement, the cuckold fantasy is much more appealing to me. I told her that I would no longer have a say in what she does. She needed to be driving the car and making the decisions on what she can and cannot do, and also what I am allowed to do and not do as well. I also told her that she has the proverbial keys to our marriage and warned her that by having this complete control, she will responsible for the fate of our marriage and whats to come of it if this turns out badly. Basically with great power comes great responsibility. I was surprised that she accepted this so readily, almost without thought. Needless to say, she was very happy I “allowed” this even though I thought to myself that I have no other choice. It’s either this or divorce. We both had failed first marriages so I don’t want to see this one end in a divorce.
So my only reservations with this is the fact that the guy she is going down there to fuck has money and made reservations for 4 days at a 5 star hotel. I looked up the rates and they are $450 a night! I can only imagine what’s gonna go down in appreciation for this. I pay child support for two kids to my ex wife every month and don’t have expendable money like that to throw around. I’m a wreck thinking about her staying at this stupid nice hotel with this guy for four days on a romantic weekend getting fucked and sucking his cock every which way till Sunday. She is getting a Brazilian wax on her pussy for him. She’s never done that before, this is her first time. She said I would enjoy it as well. Typical cuckold angst, good feelings mixed with bad. The whole “she might leave me for him” concerns filter through no matter how much I try to tell myself that would never happen. This guy also has family in our state and comes up from Florida about once a month so I’m imagining that she will take full advantage of his visits when he is in town. How much she actually tells me about will be interesting to see. But that comes with the territory I guess with this lifestyle so I will have to learn to cope with my emotions.
I think I’m ready for what’s to come and I’m excited to give this a try but I’m hung up on the circumstances leading up to this. The lack of sexual desire towards me prior to this arrangement and the fact that she said she’s doing this to benefit us concerns me. From everything I have read, couples should only embark on this journey if their relationship and sex life is healthy prior to doing this. It should not be a fix for a relationship. I keep thinking about her main argument for doing this, having sex with this other guy she will lead to her being more sexual towards me and we will have more and better sex as a result. I want to believe it, I really do, but I’m having trouble believing it. What I truly think will happen is that it will be hot in the weeks leading up to her leaving and the weeks after but it will soon fizzle out and we will go back to the unsatisfying sex we have been having previously. She will need to fuck this other guy more and more often to make her happy. He will become her source of happiness and sexual gratification and crave that more and more. I will become less and less important once I will eventually become adjusted and less emotionally attached to the situation so she doesn’t won’t have to worry about making me happy anymore, before or after the act.
I’m also having trouble processing the fact that her maiden voyage in this new arrangement is a 4 day romantic weekend at a 5 star hotel The kicker is that they were making arrangements to do this prior to her discussing this with me. In fact, they even had the hotel picked out and reserved a room. She first said she was going to Florida as a personal time out and escape to find herself type of trip, kind of a Stella got her grove back vacation. I found out their plans because she let me read their texts (after I asked and she consented). The texts only went back a week before we had the discussion, she deleted everything previous to that so I don’t know how long they have been texting and sexting each other about this while I was in the dark. I’m irritated by that but I have fantasized about being a cuckold for the past few years and this is my one and only shot I’ll ever have to realize it. I want this but at the same time it’s hard for me to rationalize and mitigate my concerns about the circumstances leading up to this and her doing this behind my back. After she let me read her texts she said she wouldn’t have done anything without telling me and I want to believe her but the fact that she was in communication with him for god knows how long, making plans for the weekend and saying she can’t wait to see him with a kissy emoji taints my trust. I of course have the thoughts that she will eventually leave me for him but I realize that comes with the cuckold territory and time and trust will most likely build my confidence that this won’t happen, hopefully.
Cuckolding is a true dichotomy of feelings and emotions. The thought of her talking to this guy and making plans behind my back incenses me but at the same time it turns me on. Her using her pussy to get what she wanted from me that night and the following days bothers me as well but also turns me on. In a way, this is the ultimate cuckold situation though. There’s no pretending she has the power, she really does have it. I didn’t have to talk to her about this secret desire I had, and try to convince her, she brought it to me. I honestly don’t know how this will end out but I’m willing to put my concerns aside, try to be the best cuckold I can be and let the chips fall where they may. Any advice for this newbie?
