Convinced that I'm the problem, some help?

[SophiaCouple]

I have a very active sex life and I'm pretty sure my wife would accept more than that. We had conversations where we talked about MFM and FMF.

Here's the problem: Me!
I'm still not convinced I want it.
I find porn of these styles very exciting and I imagine myself getting into it with her but I don't have the courage.

We live in a very small town and we have many people in our circle of friends. We have a Catholic background and we are very afraid that the information will spread that we are experiencing new things with other people.

So I would really appreciate your advice on this.

Thx!

 

[SophiaCouple]

We have played yet but discussed similar things and playing away from home is the option we’d chose if we do it. That way there’s no way it gets back to our circle of friends/business/work associates.

It is an interesting option indeed. We are planning to move to Europe by the end of next year (we are from Brazil).
Anyway, I don't know if this fear will go away.

 

[XTac]

I have a very active sex life and I'm pretty sure my wife would accept more than that. We had conversations where we talked about MFM and FMF.

Here's the problem: Me!
I'm still not convinced I want it.
I find porn of these styles very exciting and I imagine myself getting into it with her but I don't have the courage.

We live in a very small town and we have many people in our circle of friends. We have a Catholic background and we are very afraid that the information will spread that we are experiencing new things with other people.

So I would really appreciate your advice on this.

Thx!

Then dont do it. If you are not convinced - dont do it.

I was in a similar situation - the fantasy is great, but the reality can be quite different. The one aspect not taken into consideration in the fantasy is the 3rd person. In your fantasy its about what is moving you - it is after all your fantasy ------ in reality there is another huge dynamic often not considered. Who is this other person - what makes them tick? How do the gel with you two?

If you can weed out the fakes on this forum - some actually do it successfully. You are going to read a lot of "just go for its great.........send me pics". That is a dumbass.

When he or she leaves its just you two - can you both handle it. You said you are not convinced.

Remove the town and religion out of it for a minute - At the end of the day its about you two.

Sometimes things are best left a fantasy.

 

[majorem]

Then dont do it. If you are not convinced - dont do it.

I was in a similar situation - the fantasy is great, but the reality can be quite different. The one aspect not taken into consideration in the fantasy is the 3rd person. In your fantasy its about what is moving you - it is after all your fantasy ------ in reality there is another huge dynamic often not considered. Who is this other person - what makes them tick? How do the gel with you two?

If you can weed out the fakes on this forum - some actually do it successfully. You are going to read a lot of "just go for its great.........send me pics". That is a dumbass.

When he or she leaves its just you two - can you both handle it. You said you are not convinced.

Remove the town and religion out of it for a minute - At the end of the day its about you two.

Sometimes things are best left a fantasy.

What was the negative experience with the 3rd person, if you don't mind sharing? Overly aggressive / unable to be discrete?

 

[SophiaCouple]

Then dont do it. If you are not convinced - dont do it.

I was in a similar situation - the fantasy is great, but the reality can be quite different. The one aspect not taken into consideration in the fantasy is the 3rd person. In your fantasy its about what is moving you - it is after all your fantasy ------ in reality there is another huge dynamic often not considered. Who is this other person - what makes them tick? How do the gel with you two?

If you can weed out the fakes on this forum - some actually do it successfully. You are going to read a lot of "just go for its great.........send me pics". That is a dumbass.

When he or she leaves its just you two - can you both handle it. You said you are not convinced.

Remove the town and religion out of it for a minute - At the end of the day its about you two.

Sometimes things are best left a fantasy.

Excellent advice! I really felt self-pressured to try something that maybe I'm not interested in right now and I'm going to re-evaluate that.

 

[XTac]

What was the negative experience with the 3rd person, if you don't mind sharing? Overly aggressive / unable to be discrete?

Actually there was none. We never went that far. I was projecting the reality of it when trying to find someone.

After a bit of time I realized that the reality would not meet the fantasy. Others will tell you different I am sure and if so that is great for them, but trying to find the match for us was not lining up.

The risk of ruining the fantasy and more importantly affecting our relationship was not nearly worth it.

 

[XTac]

Excellent advice! I really felt self-pressured to try something that maybe I'm not interested in right now and I'm going to re-evaluate that.

You say self pressured -- is it self pressure or pressure from your wife. I hope its just self pressure 100%. You can easily eliminate that. Pressure from the wife is another story.

If you are not ready then dont do it. If you think you are ready in you mind --- you still not may be ready. Nobody that has done this and advocates how great it is was 100% sure of anything when they first did it. They took a leap and it worked.

What you dont read on this forum because it isnt sexy to read about it are the failures.

 

[SophiaCouple]

You say self pressured -- is it self pressure or pressure from your wife. I hope its just self pressure 100%. You can easily eliminate that. Pressure from the wife is another story.

If you are not ready then dont do it. If you think you are ready in you mind --- you still not may be ready. Nobody that has done this and advocates how great it is was 100% sure of anything when they first did it. They took a leap and it worked.

What you dont read on this forum because it isnt sexy to read about it are the failures.

I think this is exactly what you said in the previous comment.
I must be designing something that maybe isn't ideal because it looks exciting.

It may be that I arrive at a moment of realizing that reality does not meet fantasy.

Anyway, after what you've told me, I'm going to be more careful because that sort of thing can put an end to an extremely happy relationship.

 

[XTac]

I think this is exactly what you said in the previous comment.
I must be designing something that maybe isn't ideal because it looks exciting.

It may be that I arrive at a moment of realizing that reality does not meet fantasy.

Anyway, after what you've told me, I'm going to be more careful because that sort of thing can put an end to an extremely happy relationship.

There are 3 outcomes to the mfm

1) it is the greatest thing ever
2) the reality falls way short of the fantasy
3) it damages your relationship

So 3 outcomes - 2 of them are not good. Again it works for some people and we hear about it here, but then again a lot of the shit on the forum is bullshit (so be careful).

 

[majorem]

There are 3 outcomes to the mfm

1) it is the greatest thing ever
2) the reality falls way short of the fantasy
3) it damages your relationship

So 3 outcomes - 2 of them are not good. Again it works for some people and we hear about it here, but then again a lot of the shit on the forum is bullshit (so be careful).

I don't disagree with much of what you've said. It is good to be cautious and understand that the reality may not meet the fantasy.

At the same time, it's kind of a straw-man argument to make a 3 point list and then say because 2 of the points in your list are negative, it is very likely you will have a bad experience even though the number of points is kind of arbitrary and there is no consideration of how likely any of them are relative to the others. If you added another point for "it was a fun unique experience but not amazing" would that make it even? What about if it strengthens the relationship because you do have some hurt feelings or misunderstanding but then you work through it and reach a knew, deeper understanding and appreciation of one another?

Again, just playing devil's advocate here. There is inherent risk in this and anyone should proceed cautiously. I think though that it is a lot more complex, nuanced and specific to each relationship, than a simple reductive calculation of potential outcomes.

There are some stories on here with negative outcomes that I've read - or others where it was a negative experience followed by growth and then a positive experience.

Many of the negative outcomes also seem to be largely due to a poor relationship to start with. If your relationship isn't solid, I think there is a lot more potential for this to damage it further. I also think hotwifing, with the wife going on dates by herself, is way more inherently risky than a MFM threesome.

Ultimately though, only you can really evaluate whether you're ready or not and as XTac says, if you're not sure, probably best not to dive in. Maybe you can test yourself with some smaller steps, like having your wife flirt with someone at a bar / dance with someone while you watch. Then she returns to you and you both go home and have hot sex.

 

[615blackstag]

Don't do it if you're scared. It's a big step and you have to be strong and confident enough to do it. Now if you take the step and you're in a small town of you can just mess around while out of town.

 

[Bulldave07]

I have a very active sex life and I'm pretty sure my wife would accept more than that. We had conversations where we talked about MFM and FMF.

Here's the problem: Me!
I'm still not convinced I want it.
I find porn of these styles very exciting and I imagine myself getting into it with her but I don't have the courage.

We live in a very small town and we have many people in our circle of friends. We have a Catholic background and we are very afraid that the information will spread that we are experiencing new things with other people.

So I would really appreciate your advice on this.

Thx!

Yes! Living in a small town can be a problem. I encourage if you talk to her a bit more, maybe during sex, after if you agree to it, set something up in the largest city close to you. Just works better.

 

[badboybrasil]

I have a very active sex life and I'm pretty sure my wife would accept more than that. We had conversations where we talked about MFM and FMF.

Here's the problem: Me!
I'm still not convinced I want it.
I find porn of these styles very exciting and I imagine myself getting into it with her but I don't have the courage.

We live in a very small town and we have many people in our circle of friends. We have a Catholic background and we are very afraid that the information will spread that we are experiencing new things with other people.

So I would really appreciate your advice on this.

Thx!

traz a esposa para ver o mickey. aqui na terra da fantasia tudo rola.
-Bryan

 

[Loadedrocks]

I have a very active sex life and I'm pretty sure my wife would accept more than that. We had conversations where we talked about MFM and FMF.

Here's the problem: Me!
I'm still not convinced I want it.
I find porn of these styles very exciting and I imagine myself getting into it with her but I don't have the courage.

We live in a very small town and we have many people in our circle of friends. We have a Catholic background and we are very afraid that the information will spread that we are experiencing new things with other people.

So I would really appreciate your advice on this.

Thx!

Sexy body🔥😍