Do women who cheat actually love their husbands?
- Thread starter AnonsCrusade
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Some are lying, deceiving, disturbed “humans” who break vows, and contracts . They can’t be trusted. Their irresponsible behavior hurts the lives of their children, loving spouses and all they touch. Ive known a few “humans” like this I even include myself. It would have been best if I had never took marriage vows or entered into any type of vanilla traditional relationship.
Swinging and non-monogamous lifestyles can bring close marriages closer, make good relationships great if built on open honest communication and trust. My own third marriage with my Hotwife is the most open honest and solid relationship Ive ever known. We both were cheaters in previous marriages and regret lying and deceiving and the pain we caused. Being totally honest with each other and accepting, even encouraging non monogamy works the best for us. We are completely honest with each other and never happier.
Don’t be sorry for me. I found my Hotwife and have been living the dream for over 10 years now! Life took a arduous path to her but once we connected its been so wonderful to have a marriage were we can be open honest and our non-monogamous selves.
We have discussed it and it's hard to be 100% sure as to why she cheats. But I think it mainly has to do with the thrill of the chase. This is why she much prefers guys she finds herself, rather than arranged meets from a swingers site. I think another factor is related to self-esteem. There is a need for affirmation that she really is attractive. I think a psychologist would probably say it is related to those things.
Really it depends what you mean by cheating.
I didn't really love my first husband and tbh married him to please my parents which was a stupid thing to do - and I cheated on him a lot with a lot of different guys for many years.
My current hubby of over 20 years in my soul mate and I'm as madly in love with him today as I was when we got married. But I still go out and fuck guys when he has no idea what I'm doing - I do confess later so is that cheating or not?
I didn't really love my first husband and tbh married him to please my parents which was a stupid thing to do - and I cheated on him a lot with a lot of different guys for many years.
My current hubby of over 20 years in my soul mate and I'm as madly in love with him today as I was when we got married. But I still go out and fuck guys when he has no idea what I'm doing - I do confess later so is that cheating or not?
Nicely stated, Nathaniel. When my wife and I were discussing the ramifications of her becoming pregnant with her long term lover, we agreed that we wanted it to happen, but only if it wouldn't negatively impact our marriages or cause us to grow apart. I have a vasectomy so would not be able to impregnate her, - my second wife. In our "pillow talk" before and during sex, we talked about the idea of my semen helping Paul's sperm reach her egg. The the discussion would get hotter and hotter until I came.
"I can love two men," she said, "and handle it, but can can you? If you can't then let's not do this with Paul (her lover)." She and Paul were already discussing conceiving a child and he was in (their talk during sex left no doubt and was a topic of open discussion between the three of us) but there was much more to be considered beyond the mere erotic aspects of it all. Including his wife. We had a frank discussion about the different paths all of this could take, such as how I'd feel about sleeping in a different room while Paul was in our marital bed with her (regularly), her traveling with him, her not being available to me for some normal family functions and so on. We found that a long term lover has significant impact on the course of normal family dynamics in a marriage. Sometimes, it gets in the way!
We were fortunate we were all over age 30 and at least had some understanding of life and how things work. It was Paul's wife who who was not comfortable with what we were actively discussing. She was good with Paul having sex with my wife on a regular basis, but wasn't comfortable with them pregnant. We'd all agreed that wrecking marriages wasn't what we wanted and so we took some steps to work around my wife's fertile times. There was some tense waiting for her period to arrive on more than one occasion. Eventually Paul's wife became insecure, worried about losing Paul's affection and with tears, my wife and Paul agreed to cool it. There was a few lusty and erotic reunions after that, but the fun was infrequent.
marriage vows are a pact. it is a promise to the other person. it is a contract between two parties. it has nothing to do with ownership. cheating is when you break the rules. i.e. you have a breech of contract because one party didn't stick to their end of the bargain. if you cheat at anything it is because you don't have respect for the rules. which means someone that cheats doesn't respect their vows, or the other person. period. there are no ifs ands or buts.
what you are talking about is separate from marriage. you are talking about how people behave when they are insecure. personality conflict, insecurity, change of heart, or whatever else you can think of has nothing to do with an unkept promise. nor does it have anything to do with marriage.
In a perfect world with perfect motives you might be right. But marriage is not a contract - unless there is a prenup. I’m serious. And the vows are not enforceable promises - they are just words in the end. The unfortunate truth is that many people do marry because they don’t want anyone else to have him or her. It’s power. It’s captivity. Why do you think so many women’s shelters exist? Control , control, control.
Wow, its sad that your wife and her lover had to break up, but it is great that you guys worked that out as a couple, since not many people can have the mentality to deal with all of these things in the lifestyle.
As you defined the bounds is exactly how I understand them. The key difference is knowledge and consent.
By the dictionary definition of cuckold, you are 100% correct. Those in the lifestyle have adopted a much more liberal interpretation.
"Those in the lifestyle" Sorry but it's only SOME of those.
Just because some dog owners call their dog a cat doesn't make their dog a cat, IT'S STILL A DOG!
I’m not sure I understand your reply. By definition, a man whose wife has had sex with another man is a cuckold. Every man whose wife has had sex with another man is a cuckold. In today’s more liberal interpretation, we have created new terms, hot wife, vixen, stag, sissy that apply to the roles that men and women who enjoy sharing their spouses assume. We have applied those definitions. Think how the word cool by definition means of low temperature but we have repurposed it to mean good or nice, etc. Where I’m going is that, if you and your wife assume a stag/vixen role, you are, by definition, still a cuckold if she has sex with another man. Nothing wrong or derogatory with it, or humiliating, it’s just what it is. You live your life as you want. Finally, if a bull’s wife has sex with another man, with or without his consent, he’s also a cuckold. He can still be a bull (another term we have co-opted) but he’s also a cuckold.
that is kind of a warped view on marriage. you are taking the outliers and making them the rule. this has nothing to do with what is enforceable per se, it has to do with honor. make a promise keep a promise. integrity is paramount. marriage is a contract. if not why is a marriage only legal if it is recognized by the state? if it isn't then why must one have to go through the court system for a divorce? why is it when you sue one person you have to sue the other because of community property? a marriage license is a legal document recognized by the state and courts. it is a contract.
You are just wrong. I can tell from your dicta that you are not law trained. Marriage is a legal status. Spouses do not sue for breach of contract - absent a prenup. They sue for dissolution. But let’s talk about the real issue. Control. The assumption - and that is what is is, an assumption - on the part of many is that marriage automatically carries with it claims to financial and sexual control. Not so. Has not been so for years. The old paradigm that a spouse owns the earnings or sexual existence of the other is no longer the rule - even if some would like it to remain so. The guy who thinks that his wife needs permission to work, talk to others , have a social life outside the marriage, or consent or not consent to sex with him or some other according to his rules is delusional (and probably Neolithic). Yeah yeah yeah - trust and honor and love is all important. But it is not governing. That is the assumption. When you marry someone they do not consent to be owned, or only act according to rules a spouse makes up. I recall an ad for divorce work by a law office. Pretty catchy and also brought down ire by guys who think like you . “Divorce - When til death do you part is too long to wait.” Vows mean nothing.
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