Do women who cheat actually love their husbands?
- Thread starter AnonsCrusade
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They love them by their own distorted definition but, clearly don't RESPECT them nor children in the marriage/relationship. Sadly, society especially Family Court/media makes excuses for female infidelity continues to be minimized to flourish. Too many men don't have the courage to acknowledge marriage is a business relationship with women ready to "divorce" if, they can attain a better option with a bigger wallet
This is probably a topic that can’t be “painted with a broad brush stroke” - I expect answers to vary widely based on a number of factors.
In my experience, cheating / adultery is often disconnected from love.
KK has never been happily monogamous. In our relationship, KK’s cheated for lots of reasons; revenge, curiosity, boredom, loneliness, and just plain simple lust. Sometimes alcohol and drugs were involved.
We’re still together, and we love each other, despite the past infidelity on both sides of the relationship. If I’m honest with myself, I find KK’s infidelities hot - erotic, wildly stimulating, especially those where KK was engaging in the cheating to satisfy her sexual desires.
In my experience, cheating / adultery is often disconnected from love.
KK has never been happily monogamous. In our relationship, KK’s cheated for lots of reasons; revenge, curiosity, boredom, loneliness, and just plain simple lust. Sometimes alcohol and drugs were involved.
We’re still together, and we love each other, despite the past infidelity on both sides of the relationship. If I’m honest with myself, I find KK’s infidelities hot - erotic, wildly stimulating, especially those where KK was engaging in the cheating to satisfy her sexual desires.
I have never understood why some people think cheating has anything to do with the Cuckold/Hotwife lifestyle
The ‘lifestyle’ isn’t a one-size fits all, single-mold thing…
For one thing, cheating and infidelity can sometimes lead to a more productive, open and honest relationship - in our case, to mutual understanding and acceptance of some sexual needs, and me supporting my wife’s desires via hot wifing…
Sexuality is a complex thing. Cheating isn’t always a sign of character flaws or other negatives.
Cheating? What a loaded word. Nobody owns their spouse. I read these blurbs by guys who think their wives need permission to make decisions concerning their sex lives. What is really being said is “...do it my way.” It’s the same on the female side. The new term is “sexual coercion “. Translates to females dictating the sexual agenda. If someone is not getting what they need out of marriage but love the spouse there are at least 2 choices. Do what is needed to be fulfilled - no disclosure. Tell the spouse more is needed and if they will not fulfill it, then “.. I love you but you need to move on.”
Loaded but, accurate when marriage is an agreement with mutual respect and trust between two idivduals
Cheating isn’t always a sign of character flaws or other negatives......ok, then in your opinion what does it signify so as to explain the conduct and why?
I earlier posited a number of reasons a partner might engage in infidelity.
My direct experience is that this goes both ways. Cheating isn’t necessarily an expression of distrust, or disrespect.
Sometimes it is opportunistic. KK’s had a few flings that were the result of poor judgement, opportunity, and reduced inhibitions due to alcohol and/or drug use. A couple of those were tied to other factors; in one case revenge for my behavior, or a feeling of curiosity about what it would be like to fuck a certain guy.
KK’s disclosed that some of her flings were about nothing more than letting loose to exercise her power and femininity - a fascination that she could wrap a man around her little finger, so to speak, with the lure of sex.
Only a couple of KK’s infidelities had an emotional component, something beyond just sex. Those were tougher for both of us to deal with. One of those relationships had a kink component to it, in which KK was entirely dominant over her affair partner. She enjoyed that he would submit to any whim she had, and that he was slavishly devoted to her. It also helped that he had a big dick…
There was a period in our relationship where I did not fully understand KK’s needs, or accept what was motivating her behavior with other men. Cheating was one means for KK to address her own needs without ejecting from our relationship.
My direct experience is that this goes both ways. Cheating isn’t necessarily an expression of distrust, or disrespect.
Sometimes it is opportunistic. KK’s had a few flings that were the result of poor judgement, opportunity, and reduced inhibitions due to alcohol and/or drug use. A couple of those were tied to other factors; in one case revenge for my behavior, or a feeling of curiosity about what it would be like to fuck a certain guy.
KK’s disclosed that some of her flings were about nothing more than letting loose to exercise her power and femininity - a fascination that she could wrap a man around her little finger, so to speak, with the lure of sex.
Only a couple of KK’s infidelities had an emotional component, something beyond just sex. Those were tougher for both of us to deal with. One of those relationships had a kink component to it, in which KK was entirely dominant over her affair partner. She enjoyed that he would submit to any whim she had, and that he was slavishly devoted to her. It also helped that he had a big dick…
There was a period in our relationship where I did not fully understand KK’s needs, or accept what was motivating her behavior with other men. Cheating was one means for KK to address her own needs without ejecting from our relationship.
When wife & I were talking about her having a lover, or two, i explained that when we got married, we got a license. They didn't give me a title to you. You are free to do as you wish. Only requirement is when you are finished, you come home & tell me you love me & we are good.
I do not know if she cheated or not. However, i gave her a hall pass in 1968. Not sure if she ever used it.
I do not know if she cheated or not. However, i gave her a hall pass in 1968. Not sure if she ever used it.
Wrong. This type of thinking is such adopted by people who wish to marry for the purpose of monopolizing the spouse and taking them captive - in every way. I see it continually , both husband and wife, where the ownership theory of marriage is adopted. I see a lot of ruined lives where people get married so that they can prevent the spouse from meeting others, engage in social interaction, pursue an education, become financially independent . It’s creepy.
Well, we respectfully agree to disagree
Cheating has nothing to do with the lifestyle, either cuckold or swinging. Cheating is doing something behind the back of your partner.
I never cheated on my Ex and she never cheated on me, we were into the lifestyle with other couples or with single males or females. Everything we did we did as a couple and now CC and I are doing the same thing.
If a wife or husband wants to cheat it has nothing to do with the lifestyle, they are just plain cheating on their spouses and that is an indication that there is probably some love lost in that marriage.
The lifestyle life is more for fun and playing with other couples stimulates a couples sex pleasures when they play alone, but to have my partner watch, at least for me that is.
Remember it is not cheating if he or she knows what you are doing. Cheating is when they do not know.
I never cheated on my Ex and she never cheated on me, we were into the lifestyle with other couples or with single males or females. Everything we did we did as a couple and now CC and I are doing the same thing.
If a wife or husband wants to cheat it has nothing to do with the lifestyle, they are just plain cheating on their spouses and that is an indication that there is probably some love lost in that marriage.
The lifestyle life is more for fun and playing with other couples stimulates a couples sex pleasures when they play alone, but to have my partner watch, at least for me that is.
Remember it is not cheating if he or she knows what you are doing. Cheating is when they do not know.
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If the wife wants to participate in the lifestyle and the husband “forbids” the practice - or vice versa - it is a control issue. It is one spouse dictating the sex life of the other. Fundamentally wrong. It is no more cheating for the spouse to seek out the lifestyle on her own terms as it would be for a person who is kept financially captive and unemployed by a husband from getting a job .
From ALL I've read about consensual non-monogamy (hotwife - cuckold - stag - vixen) ............ and it's a LOT of reading .............. those choices are NOT considered "cheating." Cheating is defined as "behind the back" of an unknowing spouse. IMO - one who cheats doesn't respect the other spouse at the very least. The reasons for cheating can vary widely. The cheater may still love the other spouse, but needs more than they are getting from that spouse - be it sex, emotional bonding, affection, etc. Cheating - to me - is never a wise choice. It's betrayal of trust in one way or another.
Consensual non-monogamy is just that .......... consensual. It's agreed to by both spouses. No secrets - both sides know what's going on.
Wanting to "control" (in some way) - one or the other spouse, is a whole different ballgame. IMO - if you love someone, you don't want to control them like property or a prisoner. Love would foster either agreed-to monogamy OR an agreed-to non-monogamy. Clear communication & understanding are key.
Consensual non-monogamy is just that .......... consensual. It's agreed to by both spouses. No secrets - both sides know what's going on.
Wanting to "control" (in some way) - one or the other spouse, is a whole different ballgame. IMO - if you love someone, you don't want to control them like property or a prisoner. Love would foster either agreed-to monogamy OR an agreed-to non-monogamy. Clear communication & understanding are key.
And why cheat if your in the lifestyle, you should get fucked every time your partner does! With the couple lifestyle that is. Have not been in the cuckold lifestyle so don't know about that!
So you define cheating as “behind the back” but adopt two elements (1) permission and (2) knowledge . It is that element of permission - consent of the other spouse - that is objectionable . That is per se control. It is a veto power. And it doesn’t matter if it’s a veto power over money, education, friends, or work. Permission equals power.
The problem is in the vocabulary. Words like cheat imply someone is not playing the game fairly. It’s loaded with judgmentalism. Same with words like infidelity and unfaithful. They adopt ownership as a basis for a sexual relationship.
In the end what sex men or women want to have in a relationship or with others is their own choice. It’s not the spouses call. So I’ll say if the wife tells the husband she wants it and is going to do it, then it’s is above board , not behind the back. She doesn’t need a note.
Cheating is cheating, or behind the back, whatever you want to call it. I my lady wants to have sex with someone all she has to say is she wants to do it. If I want for have sex with someone I would do the same, no permission necessary, but in both cases all that is required is communication with your partner. I would never deny CC anything she wants. That is what it take for both partners.
If she did not tell me about it, it's cheating.
If she did not tell me about it, it's cheating.
Uncledude55
Male
So by your definition, there should be no expectations, no rules, nothing. If that's the case, then why have a wife? Why have a relationship at all? Why not just stay single where you don't have to have any of those things your trying to defend? That way there is no "power play", no "implied ownership", no nothing. You'd be free to engage in sex with anyone at any time with no repercussions or limitations.
kellie38
Well-Known Member
I love my husband, but I love the attention and sex i get from other lovers
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