Ethical dilemma

[desimilf80]

Folks, what to do here.
Wife was out with her boy friend yesterday, who thinks that they are having an affair, she has told him that she is married but not told him that she is a hotwife, she enjoys the attention more than anything from him, it has been going on for about a year now. Problem is that for my wife it is fun and she tells me all the stories.
It appears that he is taking more seriously, and on each date, brings something for her, often they just meet for lunch and no sex, recently he was away on a business trip to the US, and he got her a dress, she of course accepted, however when we checked at home it is very expensive, I asked her to call him and decline/return, but she got angry and said - it cant be returned to the US, to make sure that I dont insist, she cut the label off. (we normally shop at factory outlets or Target/amazon)

Any advise on what to do?

 

[Duncanf]

Folks, what to do here.
Wife was out with her boy friend yesterday, who thinks that they are having an affair, she has told him that she is married but not told him that she is a hotwife, she enjoys the attention more than anything from him, it has been going on for about a year now. Problem is that for my wife it is fun and she tells me all the stories.
It appears that he is taking more seriously, and on each date, brings something for her, often they just meet for lunch and no sex, recently he was away on a business trip to the US, and he got her a dress, she of course accepted, however when we checked at home it is very expensive, I asked her to call him and decline/return, but she got angry and said - it cant be returned to the US, to make sure that I dont insist, she cut the label off. (we normally shop at factory outlets or Target/amazon)View attachment 1335405

Any advise on what to do?

For sure he has taste, buying her Chanel clothes. Every girl would love to wear chanel. Let her enjoy it.

 

[desimilf80]

For sure he has taste, buying her Chanel clothes. Every girl would love to wear chanel. Let her enjoy it.

Wife agrees with you!

 

[jw_kk]

Relax and let her enjoy the attention and the fantasy. My wife KK has a somewhat similar situation she enjoys from time to time - a business colleague, one of her editors. She's carried on the notion with him that she's married but cheating. It strokes his ego, and KK enjoys thoroughly manipulating him, kind of like a sugar-daddy.

 

[desimilf80]

Relax and let her enjoy the attention and the fantasy. My wife KK has a somewhat similar situation she enjoys from time to time - a business colleague, one of her editors. She's carried on the notion with him that she's married but cheating. It strokes his ego, and KK enjoys thoroughly manipulating him, kind of like a sugar-daddy.

Yes, you are right, it is the same for my wife as well...previously it used to be smaller gifts like lingerie, skirt, once a bikini, perfume, like upto $100 but this time, this time it a branded dress which is something we would never buy. She uses him, but yeah, I think it stokes his ego...

 

[Hwcouple702]

Folks, what to do here.
Wife was out with her boy friend yesterday, who thinks that they are having an affair, she has told him that she is married but not told him that she is a hotwife, she enjoys the attention more than anything from him, it has been going on for about a year now. Problem is that for my wife it is fun and she tells me all the stories.
It appears that he is taking more seriously, and on each date, brings something for her, often they just meet for lunch and no sex, recently he was away on a business trip to the US, and he got her a dress, she of course accepted, however when we checked at home it is very expensive, I asked her to call him and decline/return, but she got angry and said - it cant be returned to the US, to make sure that I dont insist, she cut the label off. (we normally shop at factory outlets or Target/amazon)View attachment 1335405

Any advise on what to do?

She needs to let him know OFTEN that their relationship is going nowhere...it's just for fun. She can tell him she has feelings for another and leave it like that. Then enjoy the ride.. I mean, he left the price tag on the dress FFS! That's a guy who's a bit desperate for validity I think

Mrs Hw

Sorry, but cutting the label off seems a bit absurd?

 

[generoushub]

Just leave them to it if they're both happy with the arrangement.

 

[desimilf80]

She needs to let him know OFTEN that their relationship is going nowhere...it's just for fun. She can tell him she has feelings for another and leave it like that. Then enjoy the ride.. I mean, he left the price tag on the dress FFS! That's a guy who's a bit desperate for validity I think

Mrs Hw

Sorry, but cutting the label off seems a bit absurd?

That's the issue, she does not tell him that it is not a relationship, just fun, she enjoys the thrill and attention, if I tell her to let him know, she just makes light of it, says not to worry. Regarding the dress her rationale is that he is loaded, and for him buying a designer brand is like buying a Kmart/Target dress for us. She cut the label off so that I dont try to persuade her to return. This morning she was admiring it before going to work. She was stoked that it fit her perfectly.

She is planning to wear it this weekend to a work party,

 

[desimilf80]

Just leave them to it if they're both happy with the arrangement.

Probably thats what I have to do...Anyway, there is not much else I can do about it.

 

[NeedaDomInMI]

Folks, what to do here.
Wife was out with her boy friend yesterday, who thinks that they are having an affair, she has told him that she is married but not told him that she is a hotwife, she enjoys the attention more than anything from him, it has been going on for about a year now. Problem is that for my wife it is fun and she tells me all the stories.
It appears that he is taking more seriously, and on each date, brings something for her, often they just meet for lunch and no sex, recently he was away on a business trip to the US, and he got her a dress, she of course accepted, however when we checked at home it is very expensive, I asked her to call him and decline/return, but she got angry and said - it cant be returned to the US, to make sure that I dont insist, she cut the label off. (we normally shop at factory outlets or Target/amazon)View attachment 1335405

Any advise on what to do?

Maybe it’s time that she comes clean that she is seeing him with your knowledge and blessing. If it is such an expensive dress, then you couldn’t possibly know about where it came from, in his mind. If so, it would blow up the affair. Maybe that is what he is attempting to do. Right now, your wife is sitting on a fence in his mind. It sounds like he is trying to make her jump with both feet onto his side.

Your wife needs to be able to see she needs to protect the primary relationship.

 

[desimilf80]

Maybe it’s time that she comes clean that she is seeing him with your knowledge and blessing. If it is such an expensive dress, then you couldn’t possibly know about where it came from, in his mind. If so, it would blow up the affair. Maybe that is what he is attempting to do. Right now, your wife is sitting on a fence in his mind. It sounds like he is trying to make her jump with both feet onto his side.

Your wife needs to be able to see she needs to protect the primary relationship.

Wife assures me that she sees him as a kind of a 'sugar daddy' and he too is married with a kid. He is some high paid finance executive, drives a Jag. She says that she can drop him whenever she likes, I think that she is just enjoying the experience and the thrill. I feel that it might destroy his relationship with his wife and family and I will feel guilty

 

[Hwcouple702]

That's the issue, she does not tell him that it is not a relationship, just fun, she enjoys the thrill and attention, if I tell her to let him know, she just makes light of it, says not to worry. Regarding the dress her rationale is that he is loaded, and for him buying a designer brand is like buying a Kmart/Target dress for us. She cut the label off so that I dont try to persuade her to return. This morning she was admiring it before going to work. She was stoked that it fit her perfectly.

She is planning to wear it this weekend to a work party,

I think you need to realize that you have problem, a potentially huge problem. From the outside, this looks like a "relationship" that she doesn't want to end. If she's so adamant about keeping the dress and remaining available to him, no matter what, then she is in a position to be swept away by him. This is true no matter WHAT she says. I think you need to get back in control of your marriage. This isn't just about sex anymore. Also, given that "he too is married" then she could very well end up in the middle of a nasty divorce proceeding and being called to testify in the proceedings. With that kind of money, his wife isn't going to leave him without a big chunk of what he has.

 

[desimilf80]

I think you need to realize that you have problem, a potentially huge problem. From the outside, this looks like a "relationship" that she doesn't want to end. If she's so adamant about keeping the dress and remaining available to him, no matter what, then she is in a position to be swept away by him. This is true no matter WHAT she says. I think you need to get back in control of your marriage. This isn't just about sex anymore. Also, given that "he too is married" then she could very well end up in the middle of a nasty divorce proceeding and being called to testify in the proceedings. With that kind of money, his wife isn't going to leave him without a big chunk of what he has.

Yes, I deep down I know that you are right, somehow I will need to control this and try to dial back the 'relationship', I will have to broach this subject carefully with her and see what her reaction is.
Could I look to you for more advise please, I will talk with her this weekend and let you know how it goes Thanks again for the reality check.

 

[btweets]

I think you need to realize that you have problem, a potentially huge problem. From the outside, this looks like a "relationship" that she doesn't want to end. If she's so adamant about keeping the dress and remaining available to him, no matter what, then she is in a position to be swept away by him. This is true no matter WHAT she says. I think you need to get back in control of your marriage. This isn't just about sex anymore. Also, given that "he too is married" then she could very well end up in the middle of a nasty divorce proceeding and being called to testify in the proceedings. With that kind of money, his wife isn't going to leave him without a big chunk of what he has.

I couldn’t agree with you more!!

 

[Hwcouple702]

Yes, I deep down I know that you are right, somehow I will need to control this and try to dial back the 'relationship', I will have to broach this subject carefully with her and see what her reaction is.
Could I look to you for more advise please, I will talk with her this weekend and let you know how it goes Thanks again for the reality check.

Of course

 

[WiseOld]

Gifts, even small gifts, are super powerful. They are something that I found essential, but almost completely unknown in America. No matter how small, how trifling the gift, the other man should give your woman a gift when he first arrives. Since most men are woefully insensitive and thick-headed, myself included, I have left hidden small gifts outside for the the other man to claim that he bought for her.

Remember the scene in Woody Allen's movie, Play It Again Sam, wherein Allen gives her the small skunk figurine and ends up fucking her? The cost was little, but the thought behind the gift was huge. I have joined couples before as the other man and I always brought both of them gifts, say a CD or book for him and some nice lingerie for her, which was perfect for breaking the ice, as she would end up modeling the outfit for us.

Be careful. Things can go sideways in no time at all. I have pretended to be unaware of my wife and neighbor having sex, as it added some extra thrill, but I regret having been dishonest now. Here is that story: https://www.wifewantstoplay.com/threads/does-your-wifes-lover-know.18958/post-275966

 

[desimilf80]

Friends,
Wife and I had a chat about her rich boyfriend, she said she will dial back the friendship, so he gets no ideas, and Last 3-4 months was very quiet, weekends we would talk about swaps and hotwifing, she showed me some messages from him, and last weekend asked if she could go out with him as his wife and kid were vising family in India, said that sex was different with him, not romantic, just sexy, like in college days. I did ask if I can meet him, she said no, that she likes to keep this as an affair only. She promised to get him take some pictures on her camera for me. Her plan was to stay at his apartment overnight on Friday and be back on Saturday, on Saturday I got the safety text that she will be late, she came in early morning today (sunday). Boyfriend was very happy to take pics and videos, here are some.

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She had the presense of mind to put on a mask when he was taking the videos

 

[desimilf80]

That saree is not hers, it belongs to her bf's wife

View attachment PXL-20230920-9107.mp4

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[JimGumby]

I agree with the comments made so far. It sounds as if it started off as a few small gifts, but he has taken it to a new level. I suspect that he is becoming heavily dependent on your wife, and that his own wife will soon spot the signs that he is putting attention elsewhere. To me, she needs to reset the baseline, get it back to an occasional thing and tell him that the expensive presents are making her uncomfortable. Hopefully, he will get the message before he does something stupid and his wife catches him out. He might think that he is super clever, but the wifey radar might already be on full alert because us guys are rarely as clever as we think we are!

 

[desimilf80]

There are a few more videos but showing her face, that I will need to edit before posting. Of course she came back loaded with gifts from her boyfriend.