Found out my fiancé is a slut, what should I do now?

J

JJSS1881

Male
New poster here desperately seeking advice. I recently found out my fiancé is a pretty big slut. I’ll keep this short and to the point.

I started working a bunch of OT about six months ago to pay for a ring and save for a house (and I’m in one of the few jobs that actually got busier when Covid hit). My fiancé of four months got suspiciously protective of her phone one night which prompted me to trust my gut and buy two small cameras. A week later I learned my instincts were correct. My hidden cameras captured my fiancé cheating on me with her ex. Naturally, I was crushed. I was angry, humiliated, jealous, and depressed all at the same time.

I rushed home to confront them but for whatever reason, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go inside our apartment. I wound up sitting in my truck for hours until her ex left. I waited for her to fall asleep and went in. I snagged her phone and went through it while she was ....... I was stunned to find a long conversation with a friend of ours. I expected to find messages with her ex, but not this guy. He’s more of a friend of a friend. An acquaintance. She’s clearly been fucking this guy too behind my back. I took screenshots of the entire conversation and sent them to myself.

I didn’t ...... at all that night. When my fiancé got up, we got into it. Huge fight. She admitted to an ongoing affair with our friend, and said she only occasionally hooked up with her ex. I packed my stuff and left.

Fast forward two weeks and I can’t stop thinking about her fucking other guys. It’s driving me crazy. The betrayal sucks for sure, but I’ve jerked off to the video and the messages countless times. I’ve never been so disgusted and horny in all my life. I don’t know what to do. She wants to get back together and seems sincere, but I won’t ever forget this. So I’m wondering if I should give it another shot? All I want to do while watching the video is go fuck her brains out until I jerk off and calm down. Then I wonder why she had to go behind my back instead of involving me somehow. Then I think about it and get horny all over again. I guess I’m asking if my emotions are that of a pathetic ex fiancé, or that of a natural cuckold in the making? Any insight is much appreciated.
 
First, figure out what you actually want. Do you want to be a cuckold? Do you want to be a stag? Do you not want to deal with marriage to a slut at all? If the last is true, ditch her immediately. Otherwise, tell her up front, everything. If she gets angry and threatens to leave, then let her. She's not hot, she's a cheater. Otherwise, if it looks like she wants to stay with you, she WILL still fuck around. Do not believe any promises to the contrary. Let her know that you won't accept lies. You accept her as she is, but you must have total truth from that moment, onwards. Whatever else depends on if you want to be a cuck or a stag. A cuck is a submissive. He is merely kept around as a convenience, possibly even cut off from sex, altogether. He subsists on the humiliation of being denied while she gets satisfaction elsewhere. A stag is a co-conspirator and allie. He's part of her game. He might not be in threesomes with her, but he's an equal in the relationship. The boys she sees on the side are merely side-pieces, but he's still the main show.
 
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SwirlyTwo said:
First, figure out what you actually want. Do you want to be a cuckold? Do you want to be a stag? Do you not want to deal with marriage to a slut at all? If the last is true, ditch her immediately. Otherwise, tell her up front, everything. If she gets angry and threatens to leave, then let her. She's not hot, she's a cheater. Otherwise, if it looks like she wants to stay with you, she WILL still fuck around. Do not believe any promises to the contrary. Let her know that you won't accept lies. You accept her as she is, but you must have total truth from that moment, onwards. Whatever else depends on if you want to be a cuck or a stag. A cuck is a submissive. He is merely kept around as a convenience, possibly even cut off from sex, altogether. He subsists on the humiliation of being denied while she gets satisfaction elsewhere. A stag is a co-conspirator and allie. He's part of her game. He might not be in threesomes with her, but he's an equal in the relationship. The boys she sees on the side are merely side-pieces, but he's still the main show.
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Well said !
 
A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a babbling stream. It's too treacherous to cross, so the scorpion nicely asks the frog to carry him across on its back. This makes the frog a little suspicious. It asks, “How do I know you won’t sting me?” The scorpion says, “Because if I do, I will die too.” That sound reasoning relaxes the frog's nerves. So he allows the scorpion to climb aboard and they shove off across the flowing water. They get halfway across the stream and the scorpion stings the frog directly in the middle of his back. The frog feels the onset of the scorpion's poison and starts to sink. He manages one dying breath: "Why?!" And the scorpion replies: “It’s my nature…”
 
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I agree with all above... But.... Its worth a try. Level with each other and be honest. Come to terms that cuckoldry is your sexual orientation and come to an arraignment. But no more lies and cheating! If it doesn't work...hey you can't say you didn't try. Most cucks are just wired this way and only discover it down the road during a relationship. I know a LOT of sad single cucks out there that are dying for a HW or HG to provide for their sexual needs. You have one! Run with it! She will soon discover she found the perfect husband. Good luck
 
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Mrs. verkitwme - You are like an addictive ......!!! And I know what the "high" from that ...... feels like from a HGF experience I had some years ago.
It's the most potent aphrodisiac on the planet!!!!!!!!! Knowing she still wanted to stay with me …………. but loved some "side fun" …………… which she described in detail to me afterward (!!!) - was just the hottest thing I've ever experienced.

For JJSS1881 - Think hard over what you REALLY want for yourself. Re-read what SwirlyTwo said in post #4 above. Those are accurate descriptions of cuck and stag. If neither of those situations appeal to you - pull the plug and get rid of her.
 
Since you jerk off thinking about her getting fucked by the other men, and jerk off watching the videos, give it a try watching her in person. Going forward though, if she agrees that she would like this lifestyle, make some hard rules. Ours are NO EX's, period...no exceptions for any reason. Suz finds all of her men on SLS or Double List. She has more men at our place at Myrtle Beach than she can handle....and loves every minute of it. As others have said, communication is key. If she sincerely apologizes for this past indiscretion, and you accept that apology.....don't ever make the mistake of throwing it up at her again in any future argument. Good luck to both of you.
 
verkitwme said:
We don't need labels................girls just wanna have fun as per Cindy Lauper.........
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I have to respectfully disagree. I think labels have value, in this lifestyle in particular. A man allowing other men (not the perfect phrase, it implies the man's ownership and control, suggests the woman is mere chattel, and that is not what I mean), but a man who wants his wife to be with other men could have entirely different motivations. The cuck is tacitly admitting he is not man enough, or equipped enough to provide satifactoin, and is also not very likely to partake of others. The Stag may be more of a general hedonist, open to all that feels good. The Dom may simply be demonstrating his control, his power over a sub. Same actions, different motivations and reasons
 
^^^^ Compasionatedom - From all the reading I've done on this subject - a TON - I think there are varying levels of what men and women want from the hotwife / cuckold / stag / vixen / dom / sub cocktail. Even within the cuckold category, some men are REALLY submissive and maybe bi, but others just like the idea that his wife is denying him some particular sexual act, or does so for a set duration - as a "mindfuck" - but not as humiliation. Not every cuckold wants to be a worthless doormat. But some do. Same with stags. Some may enjoy the fact that their wives are seeing other guys - with some limits - and others want NO limits. Even as a stag, some may get turned on by some sort of "mindfuck" by the wife - whether it's some form of denial, or just his wife RAVING about how good the other guy is in bed.

In my opinion there are too many levels and degrees of want and involvement to put hard labels on people. I don't think putting people in neat boxes works with this lifestyle. Maybe as Verkitwme said above - girls just want to have fun - works for a lot of ladies, and their husbands. There may be no humiliation or dom / sub stuff involved. It may be as simple as - wife wants some fun "on the side" and hubby is fine with that, as long as she comes home to him.
 
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angstme79 said:
^^^^ Compasionatedom - From all the reading I've done on this subject - a TON - I think there are varying levels of what men and women want from the hotwife / cuckold / stag / vixen / dom / sub cocktail. Even within the cuckold category, some men are REALLY submissive and maybe bi, but others just like the idea that his wife is denying him some particular sexual act, or does so for a set duration - as a "mindfuck" - but not as humiliation. Not every cuckold wants to be a worthless doormat. But some do. Same with stags. Some may enjoy the fact that their wives are seeing other guys - with some limits - and others want NO limits. Even as a stag, some may get turned on by some sort of "mindfuck" by the wife - whether it's some form of denial, or just his wife RAVING about how good the other guy is in bed.

In my opinion there are too many levels and degrees of want and involvement to put hard labels on people. I don't think putting people in neat boxes works with this lifestyle.
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not hard labels, and you are right, but there are many points on each of the individual spectrums, with overlap. but the labels still serve a purpose, it least on a superficial, introductory basis
 
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I think you're right, at least on the introductory basis. Once comfort / preference guidelines are established, maybe labels fade a bit. AND - as I 've read - things can change as a hotwife lady and her boyfriend progress, or the husband changes his views or desires as his wife progresses with her boyfriend / FWB. It seems things can change in many of these relationships.
 
Thank you for all the advise. Several of you have stated she isn’t going to change so adjust my expectations accordingly if I get back with her. I think that’s very true. My knee jerk reaction was to insist she break it off immediately with our friend which she did. She even offered to go to counseling (I did not insist on that). Since I posted here, I talked to her about honest expectations. She’s been cheating most of our engagement and some before. I asked if she wants a hotwife type of relationship. She seemed offended at first and kept saying no. That she won’t cheat anymore. I told her I’ve been jerking off to her messages and wanted to hear about her hookups with our friend. She was very apprehensive and didn’t really trust my intentions.

So we left the conversation there. I don’t feel great about her reaction. I think she feels like I’m some kind of weirdo or am trying to set her up somehow. Or that she’ll see me as less of a man for wanting to try this. I just figure it’s already broken, so why not explore the interest? I want her respect and sexual attention, I feel like it might be possible to have both at the same time.
 
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Some women want to be cheaters. The LAST thing they want in their lives is honesty. Their cheating is a way for them to wield power over their partners in such situations. They want to know they can get one over on their partners. They want to know that they can trick and manipulate others. If she is really that upset over truthfulness, then that's what she's all about and needs to be kicked to the curb.
 
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