My wife, our situation, your thoughts

I want to think like this but maybe its wishful thinking. She said she decided not to go to the pub because of him- it would have been the perfect opportunity if she was interested? I was surprised on how aggressive he was about me, and her telling me too. Its a weird mix of feelings. I just am not sure what to think. Is she interested?
Well, there are a few possibilities here.

A) This may be the most likely - Women love to feel desired and it could make your wife horny, being hit on so directly and aggressively, where it had to be pretty clear to her that guy wanted to fuck her, even if she doesn't actually like the dude or want anything to do with him. Thus, she avoids further contact with him in a social setting and heads home but is horny and wants to jump you.

B) She thinks the guy is a dick but she is kind of turned on by his size, assertiveness and how direct he was in his desire for her. Maybe she secretly would like to fuck him. and when I say "secretly" I mean this may even be a secret to her... because, that's just how women are lol - However, if your wife is on the less impulsive / more prudent side, she also will consider that if this guy came on so fast and strong to her, he probably does that a lot and she might feel cheap and used if he fucked her once and moved on. She would also no doubt be battling with guilt. She stated that she felt guilty in her prostitute dream thinking of you, so that is surely a factor here as well. It's possible she was tempted to go out afterwards but declined because she knew the guy would hit on her more, in an environment with alcohol, where maybe something might happen that she would feel bad about.

I think it is interesting though that she told you everyone went to the pub afterwards but she decided not to because of that guy - it may be that she is looking for you to encourage her and suggest she should go next time, maybe just by saying "don't let that guy ruin your good time, go if you want and have fun, enjoy the compliments, I'm not threatened by him coming on to you."

Reading back to your original message, I can't help but wonder if your wife is kind of providing openings here for you to encourage her. She kept saying "swinging is weird," which really seems like a timid way of showing interest and maybe waiting for you to provide a counter-point if you're open to it, which you did, and then she brought up marriage vows - it sounds like she may be waiting for you to help her through her hang-ups. You should have followed up with something like - well, how is it against our vows if we both consent to it and do it for one another enjoyment?

Then she tells you this dream and says it was hot for her but she felt bad about it... you could easily read this as a woman searching for your reassurance and support.

I think the idea of doing something like this is very scary for women and no matter how many times you say its hot and you're okay with it, they will still have some lingering fear that they may do something and you won't like it and it will jeopardize your marriage, which is way more important to them than random sex, however the idea might arouse them.

If things ever did move forward, I think your wife would need to feel really sure that it is something that was going to please you and increase your desire for her. One thing you could do to build toward that is get a dildo, if you don't have one, and bring it out one night, telling her you would really get turned on watching her use it. The thing is to get one with a suction-cup base and stick it on the bed's headboard, then have her back on it and fuck it while you stroke your cock and tell her how hot it is. Note, you need a long enough dildo that she can get a decent amount inside her with her feet pressed against the headboard (I have experience with the engineering considerations involved lol). The first time you may not want to say anything about it being another man's cock - sometimes it is best if it is just implied as many women are creatures of subtlety. You could say things though as you stroke your cock to her performance like "its so hot watching you take that cock" implying, she is taking a cock that is not yours but without overtly making it about another man. It would probably also be really hot for her if, after watching for some time, you tell her you need to have her and its your turn now, then passionately fuck her until you cum. Afterwards, hold her and tell her how much you enjoyed it.

Another good one is doing a 69, where she goes down on you but you use the dildo on her - again, its a situation where you don't really have to say much, she's sucking your cock and there's another one in her pussy, it would probably be hard for her to not fantasize about getting spitroasted by two men.

Afterwards, you just tell her how hot that was for you and ask how she liked it. She may say she liked it because you liked it - its the safe response for a more reserved woman. It may also be true, who knows, but its really obvious my wife is highly aroused by doing stuff like that and I don't think it is just because it turns me on but she is always coy about it. In the past, when I've really pressed her, she has admitted to being turned on by some pretty dirty things but I think she is embarassed about it and prefers the silent acknowledgement that I know, that she knows, that I know what she is in fact getting turned on fantasing about taboo dirty .......

P.S. don't try to do this stuff every time you have sex or she'll start thinking you need it for sex to be exciting, its all your sex life will be from then on... you need to spread it out. It's best reserved for nights when you've gone out, had a couple drinks, been romantic and gotten her juices flowing in advance.
 
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Thank you for the responses. The timing is one I stupidly hadn't considered, so I will be more mindful of when I turn up the heat next time.
I like the idea of pretending someone is coming to watch, id have to make sure I don't scare her though!
Her owning the guilty pleasure may also be key. She needs to know its ok,it's for her, for us, as part of our marraige intermacy. I will keep trying the many methods, although I'm away with work for the next few weeks, so it's difficult.
If im allowed, I'd like to journal our progression (or otherwise!) here, if nothing else to get others perspectives?
Thank you everyone that has replied so far, in a world where I sometimes feel its just me with this desired addition to our relationship, it means a lot.
My wife and I ran into a guy tonight while shopping, who I know a little bit throughout our mutual involvement with the music industry. I was actually shocked when we began talking and she actually joined in the conversation and flirted with him a little. He’s an attractive, tall guy in his 50’s, much like myself.
Unlike me though he’s a black guy with a salt and pepper beard and deep voice. I’m guessing from what she told me right after we left the store about liking how he looked in his jeans that he’s blessed with a larger than typical BBC too. That’s when it hit me that he was THE guy who she’d already described for me in detail (months ago very soon after we first ran into him in years!)
He and I shared phone numbers this evening and made a tentative plan to go over for drinks and karaoke this Thursday night. I’m excited and encouraged now, seems there indeed was a map or plan that developed inside her pretty little head once I planted the initial seed of my interest in watching and sharing her. Best wishes for your future success, you’re definitely not in the quandary alone.
 
So, small but steady progress. Im away with work and we dont normally sex text, but just did. She told me she's been using her realistic 9 inch dildo. I obviously told her I loved the idea of her being stretched. I bought up the fantasy of an mfm and she loved it. Went in to detail about how she would want me in her mouth with the guy in her pussy.
So, how do I go from here? Just fantasy talk or a chance?
 
So, small but steady progress. Im away with work and we dont normally sex text, but just did. She told me she's been using her realistic 9 inch dildo. I obviously told her I loved the idea of her being stretched. I bought up the fantasy of an mfm and she loved it. Went in to detail about how she would want me in her mouth with the guy in her pussy.
So, how do I go from here? Just fantasy talk or a chance?
she is testing the waters for your reaction. Suggest to her to go out and flirt somewhere while you are gone!
 
So, small but steady progress. Im away with work and we dont normally sex text, but just did. She told me she's been using her realistic 9 inch dildo. I obviously told her I loved the idea of her being stretched. I bought up the fantasy of an mfm and she loved it. Went in to detail about how she would want me in her mouth with the guy in her pussy.
So, how do I go from here? Just fantasy talk or a chance?
Dm me let’s discuss more, Great start
 
You haven’t told her? How, you say. You have a real not forplay conversation about sex and you pour out your heart, you take a huge chance. You have got to risk it for the biscuit. She will of course say no at first, this is for a lot of reasons but then you talk about all her doubts, her and your feelings and unless she is 100% against it and mad you brought it up, if you neutralize all her concerns with reassurance she may take you up on the offer to at least try it
 
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There is definitely a chance. That's how we started off with dildos. Then we met with other couples and had sex in the same room. Then we started swapping with some couples and eventually just led to having a man join us in a threesome. Now I prefer to just let her have sex with another man while I watch very arousing. Once we met a much older stranger in a bar. I got to watch him seduce my wife it was extremely arousing. Oh and alcohol definitely helps. Unfortunately it's been a while since we've had any fun like that
I asked my wife if she would play the bar pickup game and she thinks she might.
 

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Hi, so my wife is 44, and we have been married for 23 years. We are in a happy relationship, but I have known for a very long time I've wanted to share her with another guy.
When things like swinging ever get mentioned on TV I can guarantee she will say "I don't get how they'd do it,it's weird".
The following has taken place over last 3-4 years.....
Anyway, in the car it was being discussed on the radio. She says her usual phrase, and to my surprise I responded/blurted out, "oh I don't know a mfm would be fun, like having a real life dildo". She was quiet for about 30 seconds then said "no,it would be against our wedding vows, its best we stay as we are ".
We use realistic dildos we refer to as he, and I tell her she looks beautiful taking me and him, and she's said in throes of passion she loves two cocks.
I've tried the, "I had a dream you were being pounded from behind, and I was sat in the room, watching and jerking, it was really hot", I then showed her I was hard just thinking about it. She called me a kinky sod, and brought it up a couple of times to laugh the next few days.
She loves sex and we have a great sex life, we'll, pretty good, she has even got me to start tying her to the bed with some light bdsm- which she loves.
So, your thoughts on whether I'm in a dream world, stuck with fantasy forever, or I'd there a chance? And if so, how do I press it home, what's my next move. If your answer is "just tell her" (which is fair), please give me a way to do so.
Thanks for your time, and sorry for the long message.
Good chance your marriage would be in jeopardy by pushing the subject. She’s clearly not interested for whatever reason.
That doesn’t mean she won’t CHEAT on you. But you would never be allowed to know.