Nervous and need advice please

[wormwood]

So I have some possible bad news. Yesterday, I came home 4 1/2 hrs early. I almost never leave work early unless a Dr’s appt and it’s typically once a year. Yesterday I had a severe migraine which I’ve started getting recently. It was extremely hot and humid and I think dehydration played a huge role.
Anyways, when I got home, I heard the dogs barking so I figured the neighbors in the back had company and it drives my dogs to bark until we bring them around us in the living room. So I go towards the back and I started hearing noises of someone having sex. I figured my wife was probably watching porn and masturbating, which isn’t out of the ordinary. So I thought, wow I’m gonna get some hot sex! Well, after listening for all of 10 seconds, I heard her say the neighbors name!
I was like, wtf!?!?! Is she fantasizing & masturbating??? So I listened for about another 10 seconds and heard my neighbor telling her to “take all his cock!”. Omg! I didn’t know what to do! I froze and stayed there listening with fear and anger. Fear that I would most likely get my ass kicked if I went in there in a rage and anger from the betrayal. It was so loud, I could hear it with windows closed.
I ended up leaving and driving down a few blocks and parked, contemplating what I should do. For about half hour, l sat there and then watched as he went back across the street. This is the new neighbors that moved in. It’s a guy and his nephew. Same ones that have watched and flirted with her when she tanned topless. He’s intimidating because he’s in shape and has this “don’t fuck with me” demeanor.
I ended up waiting about another half hour and decided to call her and tell her I was almost home. She didn’t answer, so when I got there, she was in bed naked.
She fell asleep! She woke up and looked a little startled. I said I came home early due to the heat and I was analyzing everything. Her panties were on the nightstand, her hair was messed up, the room smelled of sweat and sex, and the dogs were gated in the kitchen which was odd.
I asked her, what happened? She says she fell asleep and forgot about the dogs. I said what’s that smell? She says she didn’t smell anything.
I had this sudden urge to hint at having sex to see her reaction. I got close to her and she immediately started grabbing me and pulled my pants down. I was in shock! She started giving me a bj like she worshiped it.
I didn’t have the strength to say anything else. It felt so good yet it was on my mind. When she decided to ride me, I wanted to stop her but no words came out. She jumped on me and placed me inside her. I’ve never felt that wetness before. It was just like after you cum in someone and try to keep going. I knew then, he came inside her. Her body smelled of sweat and cum. It started to make me insanely horny. We had some really good sex and I finished and told her I needed to shower.
During my shower, I became upset with my weakness as well as her betrayal. I don’t know what to do. I feel as if I can’t trust her anymore. Am I right for that? Is it my fault for feeding her to have sex with other men? Obviously I was to be a part of that. So this is betrayal I feel. I definitely won’t be telling him anything. I do t think it’s his fault. He’s not my friend and it will be very awkward knowing he’s slept with my wife. And how long has this been going on? I want to say something but I feel she would have admitted to it. Like the guilt would be eating her up. Idk maybe I’m over thinking and should just tell her that I heard them and that we need to talk about what we need to do.
At the same time, I feel her grief and anger could have drive her over the edge and acted out without thinking about consequences. I know her mom was her best friend and she’s struggling. Yet, it’s not an excuse.

Your wife is in a weird place right now. The grief of losing her ...... combined with your mutual attraction to the hotwife lifestyle is some heady/heavy stuff. She may be having trouble processing it all. Give her the benefit of the doubt and try to have a truthful conversation with her. Don't show anger or disgust and try to be compassionate to her feelings. She most likely knew that you knew and tried to share it with you in the only way she could at the moment. She made some bad decisions. Don't let it ruin everything for the both of you. Be the bigger person and try to turn it into shared experience for you both.
You obviously liked it to some degree and let the sex take over a situation where you needed to be communicating about what you knew. We're men, so that tends to happen. She's a woman, so go gently and try to be sane and civil about this.

 

[Luvmywifey]

Your wife is in a weird place right now. The grief of losing her ...... combined with your mutual attraction to the hotwife lifestyle is some heady/heavy stuff. She may be having trouble processing it all. Give her the benefit of the doubt and try to have a truthful conversation with her. Don't show anger or disgust and try to be compassionate to her feelings. She most likely knew that you knew and tried to share it with you in the only way she could at the moment. She made some bad decisions. Don't let it ruin everything for the both of you. Be the bigger person and try to turn it into shared experience for you both.
You obviously liked it to some degree and let the sex take over a situation where you needed to be communicating about what you knew. We're men, so that tends to happen. She's a woman, so go gently and try to be sane and civil about this.

After cooling off and thinking about it, I have to agree with you. I think there’s some much needed talking to do. I don’t doubt this is all more than an easy explanation. I’m upset and feel betrayed but I don’t know exactly why. I’m taking this into consideration and having a talk tonight. I’ve had enough time to think without having a negative tone. It sucks to be in this position with mixed bag of emotions.
Idk if counseling is an option due to the complexity of this situation but we definitely need to figure this out. I’m anxious to know why she did it but at the same time, is she mentally ok to make any decisions at this point that are concrete. Idk how I’ll react if the neighbor says hi or tries to make small talk. I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.
And thanks for all the replies. Many different takes on how I should approach this. Posting here only because people here have insight the this side of the subject compared to other platforms that could just fog out my head with more ....... Thanks everyone

 

[Luvmywifey]

I talked to her and she told me what happened. She said she was outside laying in the sun when the neighbor came over to make small talk. She said she grabbed her top and started to put it on while he was asking her how her day was. She said she was shocked that he would approach her as she laid in the sun. So she answered and eventually led to more talk.
She didn’t want to be rude and cut him off short so she waited for the right moment to end the conversation and head back inside. She didn’t have her water bottle (it was extremely hot outside) and told him she was going to get her water and if he’d like a water before he went home. She said she didn’t want to feel rude by not offering. He said yes and she went inside to grab it. She stopped by the room to grab a shirt and shorts to change out of her bikini before going back out to give him the water.
She then says as she went into the dining area, she started to change there to make it quick. This is about 8 feet where the front door is. She said she didn’t pay attention that he was standing right inside the front door waiting for the water. Looking back, she says he may of followed her in thinking that was what she meant. When she realized he was there, she was fully naked. She said at first she was surprised like the feeling you get when someone scares you as a prank. He immediately apologized and turns to go out but my wife said it’s ok, it’s an accident and she’ll put clothes on.
Well within seconds, he said how beautiful her body was and she said then it just happened. She walks up to him, turns his face, and grabs his hand and places it on her pussy. She doesn’t know what came over her mentally but that many things entered her mind that split second and she felt no reality. She said it was as if she went into “robot mode”. I’m thinking like, wtf does that mean?! She proceeded in saying after that moment, she vaguely remembers everything. She just knows it was sex.
I tried asking her the same questions at different points of time and it was always the same answer. I never made my voice sound annoyed, aggressive, or negative in any way. I wanted the truth and I felt this was the only way to get it. I actually believe her. She didn’t stutter or show holes in her story. She answered right away and as a matter of fact.
I didn’t insert nothing sexually on my part only because I wanted no influenced answers or questions. She apologized and offered to go to counseling. I said I need proper amount of time to think and make the right decisions. I’m an over thinker so she knows what I mean.
That’s it for now and again I appreciate all responses.

 

[wormwood]

I talked to her and she told me what happened. She said she was outside laying in the sun when the neighbor came over to make small talk. She said she grabbed her top and started to put it on while he was asking her how her day was. She said she was shocked that he would approach her as she laid in the sun. So she answered and eventually led to more talk.
She didn’t want to be rude and cut him off short so she waited for the right moment to end the conversation and head back inside. She didn’t have her water bottle (it was extremely hot outside) and told him she was going to get her water and if he’d like a water before he went home. She said she didn’t want to feel rude by not offering. He said yes and she went inside to grab it. She stopped by the room to grab a shirt and shorts to change out of her bikini before going back out to give him the water.
She then says as she went into the dining area, she started to change there to make it quick. This is about 8 feet where the front door is. She said she didn’t pay attention that he was standing right inside the front door waiting for the water. Looking back, she says he may of followed her in thinking that was what she meant. When she realized he was there, she was fully naked. She said at first she was surprised like the feeling you get when someone scares you as a prank. He immediately apologized and turns to go out but my wife said it’s ok, it’s an accident and she’ll put clothes on.
Well within seconds, he said how beautiful her body was and she said then it just happened. She walks up to him, turns his face, and grabs his hand and places it on her pussy. She doesn’t know what came over her mentally but that many things entered her mind that split second and she felt no reality. She said it was as if she went into “robot mode”. I’m thinking like, wtf does that mean?! She proceeded in saying after that moment, she vaguely remembers everything. She just knows it was sex.
I tried asking her the same questions at different points of time and it was always the same answer. I never made my voice sound annoyed, aggressive, or negative in any way. I wanted the truth and I felt this was the only way to get it. I actually believe her. She didn’t stutter or show holes in her story. She answered right away and as a matter of fact.
I didn’t insert nothing sexually on my part only because I wanted no influenced answers or questions. She apologized and offered to go to counseling. I said I need proper amount of time to think and make the right decisions. I’m an over thinker so she knows what I mean.
That’s it for now and again I appreciate all responses.

Besides being calm and reflective, how did this make you feel? Were there any stirrings on your part? Did her describing the details make you feel aroused? I know you want to be supportive and respectful but did you find yourself surpressing any sexual feelings you might have had?
Too many questions, I know.

 

[Luvmywifey]

Besides being calm and reflective, how did this make you feel? Were there any stirrings on your part? Did her describing the details make you feel aroused? I know you want to be supportive and respectful but did you find yourself surpressing any sexual feelings you might have had?
Too many questions, I know.

No that’s ok, it made me feel good that she was being honest, hurt by the admitting, and yea aroused. But I didn’t tell her that. Only because of all the feelings at once.

 

[Fazeldex]

Wise for not speaking out of emotion or hurt. Take time to process. if you think you might handle it more aroused than hurt, ask her to tell it again in an erotic manner. It could be start of something really fun. This can ruin many peoples ego. It is not easily takked about. I feel if it can be eroticizEd by both and shared, you will likely be better off. It can drive her insnanse with guilt or tear your ego apart and it isn't a great thing to experience. its risky but if your dick is hard, now , well, you kinda have your answer as to how it will go if she continues.

 

[Discretefun66]

I talked to her and she told me what happened. She said she was outside laying in the sun when the neighbor came over to make small talk. She said she grabbed her top and started to put it on while he was asking her how her day was. She said she was shocked that he would approach her as she laid in the sun. So she answered and eventually led to more talk.
She didn’t want to be rude and cut him off short so she waited for the right moment to end the conversation and head back inside. She didn’t have her water bottle (it was extremely hot outside) and told him she was going to get her water and if he’d like a water before he went home. She said she didn’t want to feel rude by not offering. He said yes and she went inside to grab it. She stopped by the room to grab a shirt and shorts to change out of her bikini before going back out to give him the water.
She then says as she went into the dining area, she started to change there to make it quick. This is about 8 feet where the front door is. She said she didn’t pay attention that he was standing right inside the front door waiting for the water. Looking back, she says he may of followed her in thinking that was what she meant. When she realized he was there, she was fully naked. She said at first she was surprised like the feeling you get when someone scares you as a prank. He immediately apologized and turns to go out but my wife said it’s ok, it’s an accident and she’ll put clothes on.
Well within seconds, he said how beautiful her body was and she said then it just happened. She walks up to him, turns his face, and grabs his hand and places it on her pussy. She doesn’t know what came over her mentally but that many things entered her mind that split second and she felt no reality. She said it was as if she went into “robot mode”. I’m thinking like, wtf does that mean?! She proceeded in saying after that moment, she vaguely remembers everything. She just knows it was sex.
I tried asking her the same questions at different points of time and it was always the same answer. I never made my voice sound annoyed, aggressive, or negative in any way. I wanted the truth and I felt this was the only way to get it. I actually believe her. She didn’t stutter or show holes in her story. She answered right away and as a matter of fact.
I didn’t insert nothing sexually on my part only because I wanted no influenced answers or questions. She apologized and offered to go to counseling. I said I need proper amount of time to think and make the right decisions. I’m an over thinker so she knows what I mean.
That’s it for now and again I appreciate all responses.

Apologize if I am being too direct or coming off as a dick but... Your on this web site and you started a thread about wanting this type of scenario to play out. You did say you had mixed emotions about it but in first post you said you wanted her to do it. Now she has and you are trying to process how you feel now that dirty talk between you two or your fantasy has become a reality. Every husband has to go through "the first time". This lifestyle is not for everyone it takes a special kind of relationship/marriage (strong, honest, open communication, trust, etc...) and you have to be the type of man that can handle it. Speaking from my experience going from talking to action was a huge leap. That first time I saw my wife with another man I had all of the emotions going through me like jealousy and then had to deal with my ego. Ultimately I had got what I wanted and I had to make a decision, would it be a one off or did I want it to continue.

I think you taking the time to think it through is 100% the right thing to do. Something else I would suggest is you let the wife know you are not mad at her or anything like that. If she is feeling bad about what happened you need to put her at ease about it. Don't forget she is probably having some problems with it too. She should not feel guilty or bad in some other way because you basically gave her the green light. You talked about it in sex play, bought her clothes, encouraged her, etc. Ok so here is where I am going to be a bit of a dick. Time to man up on what happened, you wanted her to fuck other men, she did so get on with it. Either you have learned this lifestyle isn't for you or you have learned you want more.

If you decide you want to go forward remember there is a lot of nuance to sharing the wife. Depends on your comfort level, you can say from now on you have to be there, or you have to meet the guy first or she has to video tap everything, on and on it is up to you. For me at first I had to be there, the I got more comfortable and I did not have to be there but she had to tape it to today 25 years later) she has the freedom to play however she wants. Ok so that is my two cents hope it helps. Last thing is, I already mentioned you both have to talk, talk, talk, I was the key to our open marriage.

 

[Luvmywifey]

Apologize if I am being too direct or coming off as a dick but... Your on this web site and you started a thread about wanting this type of scenario to play out. You did say you had mixed emotions about it but in first post you said you wanted her to do it. Now she has and you are trying to process how you feel now that dirty talk between you two or your fantasy has become a reality. Every husband has to go through "the first time". This lifestyle is not for everyone it takes a special kind of relationship/marriage (strong, honest, open communication, trust, etc...) and you have to be the type of man that can handle it. Speaking from my experience going from talking to action was a huge leap. That first time I saw my wife with another man I had all of the emotions going through me like jealousy and then had to deal with my ego. Ultimately I had got what I wanted and I had to make a decision, would it be a one off or did I want it to continue.

I think you taking the time to think it through is 100% the right thing to do. Something else I would suggest is you let the wife know you are not mad at her or anything like that. If she is feeling bad about what happened you need to put her at ease about it. Don't forget she is probably having some problems with it too. She should not feel guilty or bad in some other way because you basically gave her the green light. You talked about it in sex play, bought her clothes, encouraged her, etc. Ok so here is where I am going to be a bit of a dick. Time to man up on what happened, you wanted her to fuck other men, she did so get on with it. Either you have learned this lifestyle isn't for you or you have learned you want more.

If you decide you want to go forward remember there is a lot of nuance to sharing the wife. Depends on your comfort level, you can say from now on you have to be there, or you have to meet the guy first or she has to video tap everything, on and on it is up to you. For me at first I had to be there, the I got more comfortable and I did not have to be there but she had to tape it to today 25 years later) she has the freedom to play however she wants. Ok so that is my two cents hope it helps. Last thing is, I already mentioned you both have to talk, talk, talk, I was the key to our open marriage.

I think because of the fact I wasn’t expecting it and it’s was when I’d be at work, caused mixed emotions. I understand your point and I reassured her she shouldn’t feel guilty. I started this and I just needed time to think it over.
We’ve agreed on terms now that this happened. I’m ok with the neighbor so long as he keeps it to himself. Also agreed that I’d get to join when possible. I do work a lot and we will have to make plans. She will let me know is she decides to switch to someone else and everything that goes with it.
The neighbor hasn’t been seen, since that day, outside so I’m thinking she told him and probably felt bad. She doesn’t know yet. Waiting on a response that he’s ok with me knowing. She did agree to have him record and take pics and it would be non-negotiable. That’s for me 😀
As we progress, we have to communicate everything even if it’s flirting with a potential sex partner. So no more surprises. She loves sex and masturbates a lot. I sometimes am too tired and fall asleep. Also, we agreed to her going over there but he to be planned so I’m not left wondering where she is for time she’s unavailable.
Does this seem ok?

 

[Creampielover45]

I think because of the fact I wasn’t expecting it and it’s was when I’d be at work, caused mixed emotions. I understand your point and I reassured her she shouldn’t feel guilty. I started this and I just needed time to think it over.
We’ve agreed on terms now that this happened. I’m ok with the neighbor so long as he keeps it to himself. Also agreed that I’d get to join when possible. I do work a lot and we will have to make plans. She will let me know is she decides to switch to someone else and everything that goes with it.
The neighbor hasn’t been seen, since that day, outside so I’m thinking she told him and probably felt bad. She doesn’t know yet. Waiting on a response that he’s ok with me knowing. She did agree to have him record and take pics and it would be non-negotiable. That’s for me 😀
As we progress, we have to communicate everything even if it’s flirting with a potential sex partner. So no more surprises. She loves sex and masturbates a lot. I sometimes am too tired and fall asleep. Also, we agreed to her going over there but he to be planned so I’m not left wondering where she is for time she’s unavailable.
Does this seem ok?

Are you going to mind another man’s cum deep in her and she orgasms are more then what you can do.. her pussy gets stretched wide open..
you can ...... while I pound her pussy full of cum 😉

 

[flipside]

" Luvmywifey. "Communication is key and yes that is a fair step in the right direction. Enjoy, but try and save energy to give to her especially if your reclaiming her, as you want that passion for her too..... vERY important!!

 

[Bigmo77]

I did a lot of the same sex talk in the bedroom with Elaine. One morning, after she had talked the previous night about how it might be fun to have two men fucking her at the same time, I simply asked her if she wanted me to find a man or did she want to do it. She mumbled something about that was just sex talk and I said "No. You said you might like so we need to find out." She finally said for me set it up. I did and we were in the LS for nearly 30 years

Nice 👍
I am inquiring about her to see if there’s interest?
In MO, 59 wm, 6-3, fit condition

 

[wormwood]

I think because of the fact I wasn’t expecting it and it’s was when I’d be at work, caused mixed emotions. I understand your point and I reassured her she shouldn’t feel guilty. I started this and I just needed time to think it over.
We’ve agreed on terms now that this happened. I’m ok with the neighbor so long as he keeps it to himself. Also agreed that I’d get to join when possible. I do work a lot and we will have to make plans. She will let me know is she decides to switch to someone else and everything that goes with it.
The neighbor hasn’t been seen, since that day, outside so I’m thinking she told him and probably felt bad. She doesn’t know yet. Waiting on a response that he’s ok with me knowing. She did agree to have him record and take pics and it would be non-negotiable. That’s for me 😀
As we progress, we have to communicate everything even if it’s flirting with a potential sex partner. So no more surprises. She loves sex and masturbates a lot. I sometimes am too tired and fall asleep. Also, we agreed to her going over there but he to be planned so I’m not left wondering where she is for time she’s unavailable.
Does this seem ok?

Yes, it all seems ok if you totally trust her. If you're gone a lot and have no way to verify, you're almost forced to go along with it. Only you know what her headspace is like now and what she may be capable of. Hopefully she's doing everything with you in mind since you've given her quite a bit of latitude.
If you find out you've created a monster and she's been fucking him and not bothering with the recording rules and letting you know, are you prepared to deal with that as well. From reading other threads, not just on here, it seems that "breaking the rules" happens often.
I'm not trying to bust your balls. You need to be prepared for any eventuality. Keep the communication open and have fun.

 

[SNJ_Dom]

I talked to her and she told me what happened. She said she was outside laying in the sun when the neighbor came over to make small talk. She said she grabbed her top and started to put it on while he was asking her how her day was. She said she was shocked that he would approach her as she laid in the sun. So she answered and eventually led to more talk.
She didn’t want to be rude and cut him off short so she waited for the right moment to end the conversation and head back inside. She didn’t have her water bottle (it was extremely hot outside) and told him she was going to get her water and if he’d like a water before he went home. She said she didn’t want to feel rude by not offering. He said yes and she went inside to grab it. She stopped by the room to grab a shirt and shorts to change out of her bikini before going back out to give him the water.
She then says as she went into the dining area, she started to change there to make it quick. This is about 8 feet where the front door is. She said she didn’t pay attention that he was standing right inside the front door waiting for the water. Looking back, she says he may of followed her in thinking that was what she meant. When she realized he was there, she was fully naked. She said at first she was surprised like the feeling you get when someone scares you as a prank. He immediately apologized and turns to go out but my wife said it’s ok, it’s an accident and she’ll put clothes on.
Well within seconds, he said how beautiful her body was and she said then it just happened. She walks up to him, turns his face, and grabs his hand and places it on her pussy. She doesn’t know what came over her mentally but that many things entered her mind that split second and she felt no reality. She said it was as if she went into “robot mode”. I’m thinking like, wtf does that mean?! She proceeded in saying after that moment, she vaguely remembers everything. She just knows it was sex.
I tried asking her the same questions at different points of time and it was always the same answer. I never made my voice sound annoyed, aggressive, or negative in any way. I wanted the truth and I felt this was the only way to get it. I actually believe her. She didn’t stutter or show holes in her story. She answered right away and as a matter of fact.
I didn’t insert nothing sexually on my part only because I wanted no influenced answers or questions. She apologized and offered to go to counseling. I said I need proper amount of time to think and make the right decisions. I’m an over thinker so she knows what I mean.
That’s it for now and again I appreciate all responses.

Do you think that was the only time she has done anything with that neighbor, or anyone else?

 

[Luvmywifey]

Do you think that was the only time she has done anything with that neighbor, or anyone else?

Other than flirting, no. I reassured her if she did, now was the time. Her response was a definite no. She told me if I wanted the neighbor there to answer that, she’s be willing to get him on speaker. I believe her since she had opportunity and no negativity from me.

 

[Luvmywifey]

Yes, it all seems ok if you totally trust her. If you're gone a lot and have no way to verify, you're almost forced to go along with it. Only you know what her headspace is like now and what she may be capable of. Hopefully she's doing everything with you in mind since you've given her quite a bit of latitude.
If you find out you've created a monster and she's been fucking him and not bothering with the recording rules and letting you know, are you prepared to deal with that as well. From reading other threads, not just on here, it seems that "breaking the rules" happens often.
I'm not trying to bust your balls. You need to be prepared for any eventuality. Keep the communication open and have fun.

She said there might be times it’ll just happen but that she’s lmk asap and details

 

[Luvmywifey]

Nice 👍
I am inquiring about her to see if there’s interest?
In MO, 59 wm, 6-3, fit condition

We are in MN

 

[flipside]

Love to see any pictures, less the face so you feel safe. Mmmm

 

[Discretefun66]

I think because of the fact I wasn’t expecting it and it’s was when I’d be at work, caused mixed emotions. I understand your point and I reassured her she shouldn’t feel guilty. I started this and I just needed time to think it over.
We’ve agreed on terms now that this happened. I’m ok with the neighbor so long as he keeps it to himself. Also agreed that I’d get to join when possible. I do work a lot and we will have to make plans. She will let me know is she decides to switch to someone else and everything that goes with it.
The neighbor hasn’t been seen, since that day, outside so I’m thinking she told him and probably felt bad. She doesn’t know yet. Waiting on a response that he’s ok with me knowing. She did agree to have him record and take pics and it would be non-negotiable. That’s for me 😀
As we progress, we have to communicate everything even if it’s flirting with a potential sex partner. So no more surprises. She loves sex and masturbates a lot. I sometimes am too tired and fall asleep. Also, we agreed to her going over there but he to be planned so I’m not left wondering where she is for time she’s unavailable.
Does this seem ok?

Spot on!👍