Regrets after first time?

[Loridan]

Very condensed version of our first time. No sex play had ever happened at any bbq/party we'd ever had, topless in hot tub, yes.
Backyard BBQ, 4 couples 3 single guys, 1 gal. Got late us, one other couple, one guy stayed late, we're all in out hot tub. Drinks helped....gals topless, happened befor not a big deal. Couple leaves, us and friend back into hot tub, soon we're all naked, again happened befor. We decided to wind it up, was just us 3 so we walked into the house naked. Half bottle of wine in kitchen, we killed it in the kitchen still naked, again not a big deal. We all say we had a good time, him and I shake hands, kinda awkward when you're naked, wife hugs him, unusual for her still naked, they hug for 15 seconds, quick peck on the lips, no biggie, but it suddenly turned into a toung kiss. Lasted 10 seconds if that, he pulls away, says woha. Instantly I'm semi hard, he's getting full hard, that got me full hard. We're all quiet. He says he's gotta go, we go into livingroom where his clothes were. I don't really know how or why but suddenly she's bent over the back of the couch getting it from behind. Wife obviously into it. Whole deal took 2 minutes if that. We all look at each other like what just happened? He split. Wife starts crying, apologized over and over, I didn't know what to think. She took a shower, we went to bed. She's quietly crying, my mind was a mess. After an hour of silence she asked if I was OK. We hugged, snuggled then fucked like crazy. Next several days we're VERY awkward, she apologized over and over saying it was a big mistake. We had fantastic sex every night for weeks after.
Emotions all over the place for 3 months for her and me.

 

[HereToShareHer]

Sounds like she's in to it, just has do deal with her conditioned emotions to not do those sorts of things. Just talk to her about it frankly, find out what's upsetting her about it, and maybe say that you loved it and all you want is to have a say in it next time

 

[btweets]

She was quite clearly turned on and just let herself go with what she was totally comfortable with!! She was simply caught up in the moment, which I personally love and prefer myself!! I would suggest that you tell her that she has absolutely nothing to be sorry about and that if you had truly been upset or totally against it, you would have stepped in and made your disapproval clearly known!! Tell her that you were also caught up in the moment so much that it gave you a hard on and turned you on every bit as much as it did for her too, and that there’s nothing wrong with that!! Be sure to let her know that she didn’t do anything wrong and that it wasn’t a big mistake!! It was just something that spontaneously happened due to a set of circumstances that just so happened to unexpectedly fall into place at a specific time and place that night! Nobody did anything wrong!! It happened and it can’t be taken back, so everyone now just needs to accept it and move on from it!! I look at it like this.. You mentioned being topless and fully nude is nothing new, which in my opinion tells me that everyone involved has, in some kind of way or another, has known or is hoping, that deep down inside each and every one of y’all, that under the right set of circumstances, something or anything could possibly happen!! As in most or many cases, it’s not always something that’s talked or spoken about openly beforehand! A big part of what makes it exciting is actually the unknown, the fact that everyone doesn’t have any idea about what could happen, but that at the same time, they hope that something does!! I can’t help but think that your wife found herself in exactly that kind of situation and took advantage of it!! Good for her!!

 

[Loridan]

Present day, we've done it many times with him. Still have guilt, maybe some regrets but we do have fun.

 

[jusme]

With me and my ex's the guilt, anger and even regrets became lust. The more we did it, the more the lust become stronger until it was the main drive within us until the excitement before the meets become our drive to find more and better.

 

[Loridan]

With me and my ex's the guilt, anger and even regrets became lust. The more we did it, the more the lust become stronger until it was the main drive within us until the excitement before the meets become our drive to find more and better.

That's us too. Guilt, anger but nasty as hell fun while it's happening.

 

[BarebackWife]

I felt incredibly guilty my first time, it was partly my upbringing. Women are constantly told it is wrong and you should never have those sorts of thoughts of having sex with anyone other than your partner/spouse. Men grow up with a different message, one where it is considered normal to want sex with any woman you like the look of, but you mustn’t act on that while in a relationship as the woman you are with would crucify you.

So I think that it is a bit easier for most men, but us women can get into a bit of an emotional turmoil wile we try and reconcile what we are doing with what we are told we should be doing. The guilt passes over time, at least it did for me. However, if your wife/partner does not feel comfortable with it, don’t push her as that will end up destroying your relationship. Gentle reminders that you are OK with it and a bit of encouragement showing how you enjoy what she is doing are good, put pressuring her if she decides to stop will result in you losing her.

 

[memories]

Sex is sex, love is love. When wife first started, with my encouragement, she was more excited than me at first. Her first time was great, a young black man thick as a coke bottle, and she is small at 5 6, 115 lbs. He was so gentle....was like this for probably 7 years, 11 different black men, some many times. Quit 5 years ago, said she feels bad for having given her body up, truly believe it is the age that makes her feel guilty now, as she sure enjoyed the hell out of it years ago. Just be prepared for issues later on.

 

[Irontrooper]

Sex is sex, love is love. When wife first started, with my encouragement, she was more excited than me at first. Her first time was great, a young black man thick as a coke bottle, and she is small at 5 6, 115 lbs. He was so gentle....was like this for probably 7 years, 11 different black men, some many times. Quit 5 years ago, said she feels bad for having given her body up, truly believe it is the age that makes her feel guilty now, as she sure enjoyed the hell out of it years ago. Just be prepared for issues later on.

What kind of issues?

 

[memories]

What kind of issues?

Guilt was the big one...feeling like she was being used, even though many times she was the instigator, even lining up her own dates..

 

[wocka-wocka]

Guilt was the big one...feeling like she was being used, even though many times she was the instigator, even lining up her own dates..

Below is more for OP. As you well know, @memories, feelings change, and sometimes in very unexpected ways. We all know to NOT talk people out of their feelings.

Maybe this is obvious, there’s are two parts to her over the entire timeline of fucking someone else.

1. the part that loves it. In my opinion, it’s who she authentically is. It’s the woman that presented herself on the couch.

2. The part that shames her later. This voice is certainly from her past. Because in the present, she loves it. In OP’s story, I’m sure she felt some kind of rejection, and probably a whole bunch of other sad feelings.

The general idea is to understand where those Shame filled voice comes from. Acknowledge it, understand it, and remain true to herself.
American women, at least, get a *fuck ton* of conflicting messages about sex, their role, their enjoyment, what they are entitled to, how they should look, and so many more. 🤨
If she can get to a place where she can recognize those messages, decide which ones are authentic to her, I think it will get much simpler for her to enjoy.
This is a great conversation to have with her. I think you’ll both come out of it closer.

 

[Loridan]

I started this post.
When I met my now wife we hit it off good. She was married at 18, divorced at 22 with 2 youngsters. We met in out late 20s.
Evidently she had a fling or 2 while married, obviously didn't go well with her husband and parents as they were all strong church goers. They divorced.
Again...evidently she sowed her wild oats after divorced. She'd done mfm with a guy she dated and his roommate "a few times" according to her.
We'd dated several times, had some good sex. One night we're out d r I n king, talking and she came clean about her past, she was ashamed about it.
All good.
Married 25+ years, great life together, never ever gave me any thought of her messing around, as far as I know she never did.
Then one night we kinda got into mfm fun.
As the reply above describes...that's her/us.

 

[sherlockgreen]

It’s the guilt to make you so exciting. Otherwise what’s the fun about it. And jealousy.