Hell this become my jurnal

N

Noneedforaname

Male
Ok so back story summed up the wife and have been toghter for about 9 years now. We have our ups n downs but a soild relashionship over all and both know neather are going anywhere.
So over the amount of time we been toghter i have share with her some diffent ideas of things i have had inculding cucking and open relashionship and so just for a change of pace and other reasons. So for a while she played along claming not to like it and it became a subject of a low point and so on.
So about a month ago she decided we are now in an open marrige yet im banned from going outside of the relashionship as i know that would have very bad falling out.
So anyway the other while looking something up on her phone a text came thru from a guy. I asked her about it and after a minute she admitted they been talking at night for about a week and there is a lot of heavy flirting and induendows going on in there chats. Tho my wife clams to be very clear cut and villina her behavors at times are far from that. With this guy its very clear they are feeling each other out. In her words she has mentally cheated and she admited she pobly wont put an end to these chats. Yesterday she joked about him coming up to see her at work today.
I guess at this point im a mental cuck. Its so hard to gage her real postion and intent because she is very stubbern and wont admit to herself or atlest to me that she has intrest and wants for a not so clear cut marriage. I admited to be jelus over it which she said she liked having me that way. Also i told her while i am jelus and its something i like i did not forbid her and she hasmt stopped. Im confussed is my old can of worms i opened really starting to happen and she is just playing koi bout her intents cuz se dont to admit that she wants to really enbrace this whole thing. I have asked her and her words are no but her actions are yes.
Sorry for such along first post
 
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Here we go update time*****
So today there wasnt much talk and thought the subject was dead. Till after work she brought the subject up and was both excited and confussed herself. Ok maybe i nugged alittle with some comments that i qutoed from their texting. Which has not stopped. Anyway she came to me about it was bouncing ideas off me has to how she feels whats liking and getting out of it so far saying she wants to address the matter with him and what they are both thinking and shooting for. In fact im sitting outside dying and horny has hell waiting as to not interupter them. God i wanna know whats going on. Im going thru jelusy cuz my wife is telling another man she is intrested in him and then there is rhe anxts part cus i wanna know. Then im so damn turned on by it all. I know this guy wants my wife and know see my wifes stuborness melting in front of my eyes. Also she listened to and addressed caging me. Telling me will talk about it after their talk however chastity if she wants it would be on her terms. I feel like i have given the rains here to her and i feeling im being a good husband for it. From her words n new outlook and also telling her if she goes past the talking n flirting my ground rule number 1 is chastity for me also i asked her to consider it if they decided to talk n flirt. I got a strong feeling chastity talk is coming soon and down the line he will be inside my dear wifey.
 
So convo is done for tonight has wifey headed of to bed for the night. So i got my my summery and honestly i found a new level for my wife and i am trusting the process here. That was like the longest hour ever tho. So she now understands the current situation isnt just my warped thought. She is pretty clear this guy is presueing her. Its still unclear to what level she will allow or atlest saying as well has how this will play out. Basiclly she told him that she is enjoying the mental and dont know how are she will let it go. I know that she is clearly 9 toes deep into letting things proceed into a deep level of flirt n talk. Which means ill be caged once that last toe goes in. Im sure that sleeping on it will lead to more tomorrow. The whole ordeal has her preplexed bout what she is supposta find or learn. Because its a carbon copy of how we got toghther tho she found me insted of the other way around like hm finding her. But me finding out went down to a tee of her n i talking.
Im pretty sure its just a matter of time if this last longer than this week well i know its only a matter of time
 
I need to write this morning. So today i woke up all over the place. My mind is insain with anxist. Because of lastnight because my time alone to let it soak in and because of this morning. Right now im like half ass fishing and cant stop thinking. I know she is all about the mental aspect she has going on. I know his intent in to get into my wife i know im happy for my wife and ok with the outcoming. Its been 8 months since we have had sex. All to do with her lack of intrest. However i know how she can jump start a dead battey when excited. And that she is very much. I know her sexless time is on a count down to an end exspecially if they start hanging out. Which was touched on this morning has an upcoming idea. While mine sexless spell is just climbing higher n no end in sight. Its new its exciting and clear ill be there jugmentaless no matter what.
The thing is i like it im happy for her its great seeing her like a little giddy school girl and thinking of herself again.
The problem for me is my place here is to be the rock and keep her grounded durning her journey and not interject my fetishy stuff into this whole thing. Its clear she can n will do what she wants but i gotta be the logical n support. Its so hard cuz inside im begging lock me up and get what you need. But i cant press the subject hell i cant press any subject for that matter. And this whole thing i cant really just talk to anyone to get ideas and thoughts out cuz who would want to listen n not turn around and juge me over it my decection to stay loyal n supportive why she plays with this idea. So my wife who has enough on her plate is the only i can talk to but the talking i want to do will push her away n shut her down even from me
Aaarrrrggggghhhhhh
 
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I guess its not really about the sex tho the more listen and think its more about her personal growth. My wife has always played the clear cut old fashtion vaule if it wasnt black n white it was wrong. Now her she is the grey and she is really conficted. She has always like the idea of being a shared hot wife and making me watch her adventures but yet she felt wrong for even us talking about it. So now she is in the mist of her own doing and her own storm. I wish i could help her by saying stop but i know she wont and she would start hiding it and that would be worse for her which is most impornt here. My thought is she us growing has a person and our marrige is changing for it. Im decstion to become her cuck has i already mentally. Cuz i know this card is only one sided and thats fine im actully kind of happy for her.evenyis but ok n happy. So many questions n thought tho. I mean fully open on oneside what is my pay off ok ill take the thrill of being jelus n fishing time you get to go on dates n be phyially n mentally involed or even just mentally with somene else how do i even bring that up
 
Hell its only been a few mintues since i got the news last ofcorse. But that and the gravity of it just hit me. This isnt about crazy fetishs at all this is real life and my wife. My wife is really letting her hair down n taking a chance. Its scarry for both of us im scared she might flip the switch and hate herself i this is huge. As it sits im a mental cuckold and my wife admited she knows she can play the feild sort to speck she took that power n put it out the to another man who ofcorse is jumping all over it. I mean our quick talk left me happy for her but smacked me in the face about needing to cuck up and take care of her. Yes its about her happyness but shevis vounderable i gotta protect her as well....
 
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Well im really have a tuff time w all the i dont knows throw my to anything i ask when its pretty clear my wife and him are getting on the same page. Im really looking for facts so heres what i got.
. Both partys are married the back ground i know of his its open his wife thinks it cute and said he should go for it.

. My wife has my concent to entertain his advancements thru text right now until i know her head is stright.

. They flirt alot and there are now sexual induendoes flying.

. My wife admits she is curis about getting phyical w him. Its pretty clear he wants her.

. My wife said this whole thing is making her apreate me more n undersand me better thus bringing us closer.

. This isnt going to stop if i tell her to im damned here on this one. No going back if i even really wanted to.

. The wife n i are both obsesing over this and given the number of times i have ask if she would shut it down or admit she wants more i get neather.

. Im close to telling her to take it to the next step but i need to be locked in chastity for that to really come out of my mouth.

. I think she is on the vurge of telling the real reasons im ok with what they are doing that talk to scarry to think about them having.

. I have read all there convos and i really do know where this leading the end game is this guy balls deep in my wife.

. My wife mentions the word phyical alot i mean alot.
 
You know i been down this road before in the past but never really started willingly. So why is so much harder? I mean the crazy thoughts n feeling. Theres so many hard feeling to process but at the same time so fucking turned on by the feeling. Im so confused its like gggrrr turn off the feeling so small and the mental movie. The on the other hand its hell yes! Just feed the small n jealus feeling make movie spin some more feed it all. I didnt want to give into my wild imagionshion but i cant help it. Im fening like a bad drug over. Tell me more please tell me more. Im ovessing worse than my poor wife is. Its like please let that other shoe drop already. I know that part i know deal with that part. Its the presex stuff im closeless on dealing with in my shoes......
I know im driving the poor girl nuts it sucks. It really dose.
 
So saturday has come and gone. Even with all the crazy stress going on in our lifes the wife still went thru w her face to face meeting. Tho it was only a quick 20 min convo they defently found a connection. I think that she sort of played it down a bit to save my feels or so she thought. However that talk coupled with 4 hours of intresting text id say the ice is broken.
 
Well cuckolding is on the menu. How ever its kind of strange that my wife has turned into the agrsure on the matter. I just found out my fait is sealed n im rush of thoughts emshions and everything else. Funny tho nothing negitiv. The only down thing i got is her refusable to budge on the chastity subject. I will she would get on borded w it. I hate the idea of just standing there w my dick in my hand but she likes that part. She wants to work on getting him to let me be there for sex. Im hopful but ether way she is going to cuck me.
 

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