Hello there, this is my first post!
First of all, it is nice to find this forum and second, my ...... language isn't English and I'm a self-taught so forgive me for any typos!
TL;DR ahead.
Story:
I used to date a girl about the same age as me (I was 25 at that time and she was 23).
After a couple months since we started dating, we got into a relationship that lasted 1 and a half year.
She never had any sexual experiences, not only she was a virgin but also didn't had any roleplay experience (she never sucked a guy's cock before) , basically, she never ever had a relationship with a man that involved physical contact (she only had one previous relationship which was long-distance and that was with a girl).
In those 1 and a half years (of which the last 2 months we lived together) did everything EXCEPT actual penetration vaginal sex, more specific:
Handjob (her to me) , finger fucking (me to her) , footjob (her to me), blowjob (her to me), cunniligus (me to her) and on 2 separate times, I fucked her from the ass.
But even if we did/tried all those beautiful things, she was (technically) still a virgin and I can't even describe you with words how much I anticipated to be her first, I used to date girls for enough time to know how rare for a girl (especially over 20 years old) to be a virgin, yet alone totally sexually inexperienced in all the aforementioned stuff, so, for me, being the guy who would deflorate her (you can take a girl's virginity only once, only one time she will ...... from her vagina so it's quite of an unique experience) was the ultimate goal, I dreamed about that day since the very day we began chatting from that dating app, so, just imagine for a minute to dream for something that would happen in the indefinitive future, that's like waiting for Christma's presents in the middle of the Summer, that burning feeling of deep desire in my heart, mind a soul, I waa thinking and dreaming about that day for each and every single one of the days we were together as a couple.
She was of a strictly and puritan family and with "traditional" (backward minded) values/principles/morals and their parents brain washed her to follow my country's tradition (it's a Balkan country by the way) of the "first wedding night" , aka "stay virgin until the day you get officially married, not even a day before.
The closest I get to that was on 2 separate occasions when I was on top of her and after we played a little (French tongue kisses, touching her boobs, etc.) I took off her pants and underwear and I rub my cock on her vagina but very gently, she was leading me at all times (while kissing her, she was grabbing my cock and rub it on her clitoris but only that, my cock's head never went not even 1mm deep, she just kept on rubbing it on her vagina until she came.
We had a troubled relationship in our last months together and we were fighting all the time, arguing about little/insignificant stuff, me getting late after work (I worked in a factory at that time) because the job was too far away and I went/returned with local transportation (bus) , her cooking (she was a lousy cook and 9 out of 10 times we bought take out food or from restaurants with deliveries, her parents were living in a close distance so she often leave our apartment so she can pack some of the leftovers of her parent's meals (in here we usually make much more food that we normally eat and we save the leftovers to either eat them at night or some other day) so we could eat that instead of spending money on take outs again, her complaining about me snoring when ...... (even if I wore a professional mouth piece designed to make snoring less loud) , her overly-obsessed thing with germs (when I returned home from the work, I HAD to remove my shoes, take a shower, clean my hands with soap, put on a deodorant, brush my teeth and THEN she was ok with me kissing and hugging her -the covid pandemic made things to escalate so it was like living with Mr. Monk, you know, the detective tv series? lol- and stuff like these.
I also had a neurological kind of problem, or psychological? No idea what it was, I just failed to mantain erection. Maybe because she was so grumpy all the time and I was clumsy when I performed cunnilingus to her (I licked her for 20-30 minutes but she never came) , she was always telling me what to do, constantly giving me directions "do it like that" , "faster" , "deeper" etc. (at this point I have to admit that I never had any sexual experience before her, all my relationships were long-distance -meeting people online, web dating, web cameras etc.- I only kissed 2 girls in a period of 5+ years, maybe some boob touching on top of their shirts/bras but that was all so everything that I did with her was new for me as well).
So, even if my cock were fully erected when she performed me fellatio, because of the stress she caused me by talking too much it just fell off and it was soft most of the times (in order for me to cum, I had to think of a pornstar or a porn video, oh by the way, I never came in her face or mouth no matter how many times I begged her to let me do that, when I was about to cum, I told her a couple of seconds before and I immediately hurry to run to the bathroom and cum in the toilet).
Long story short, we broke up.
I was madly in love with her and even months after we broke up (in which months I called her dozens times per day, sent her thousands of messages on her social media -I even created a lot of fake profiles to send her messages from because each time I did that she blocked me, my phone number was already on her phone's "black list" by the way, I also visited her at her work where I beg for her to gimme another chance, that I will do anything she wants me to as long as she will forgive my attitude -which was all her own faults, she was just a spoiled girl who grew with all the love and luxuries her parents offered to her and she couldn't take "no" for an answer so to get along with her, you had to do everything she asked you to but also not do the things she wouldn't want you to/disliked, so YOU have to change but NOT her, get it? Selfish little brat- and I also stalk her -I was oftenly visit her apartment and ask her ...... to calm her down/reason her and I promised that she wouldn't regret it.
We split up in 2022 and until 2024 I was thinking about her ALL day.
I was also masturbating at least 5 times per day while I was thinking about all the sexual stuff we did together (imagine a 25-26 yo guy with absolutely no sexual experiences at all, suddenly doing so many things, that really fills up his "wank memory" if you know what I mean) and I was SO FUCKING JEALOUS about the fact that she was single and God knows if she was still a virgin or not, ffs, I was so jealous about it that I constantly cried about it, threw stuff/items at walls to break them, I even went through a depression which lead me to a psychologist and ultimately, I was hospitalized in a mental facility/hospital for almost 1 month.
I finally accepted and embraced the fact that: 1) she didn't loved any more, 2) it was out/beyond of my powers and will to bring her back/re-enter her life (it was up to her, what could I have done differently? I already stalked her -both IRL and online- and she -at some point- threated me to sue me and call the police).
So, after thoroughly thinking about this, I was like "Okay... you choose this, not me, I did everything I could to win you over/back. I hope you will be happy and satisfied with whoever is that you will meet/date/start a relationship with. Have a good life, goodbye forever!".
I knew that she was very modest (the way she talked and dressed) and she was antisocial (had very few friends) so chances were that she could possibly be still single, after 2+ years of not knowing what she was doing with her life/keeping up with her life's updates.
Truth is that I missed her, so fucking much but the possibility of her being still a virgin had me hooked/hypnotized, I was 100% certain that there was NO way I could ever find/meet a girl in her age and a virgin, unless that girl was really overweight, ugly or had some serious antisocial problems (my ex was really pretty actually and had a perfect body, I wouldn't change a thing on her, she was my dream girl, very cute).
I just couldn't believe how close we were to getting engaged (we literally broke up on Valentine's Day and the week before I asked her to marry me but she refused , she said she wasn't ready yet and she needed more time to think this over and we got on a HUGE fight and we broke up -officially- on the day that is dedicated to the lover's, what a fucking tragedy) and then getting married, so me taking her virginity was something that could never happen after the break up + not talking to each other for more than 2 years.
I never had any photograph of her because I didn't like to take pics of me (and she mainly liked to take pics of things like sunsets, nature, the sky, journeys/road trips on vacations, stuff like that) and I frequently stalked her Instagram profile which she switched to "private" (meaning, ai could no longer see her posts or who was following her / being followed by her) , all I could see was her main profile picture, which I screenshoted and saved on my phone as a wallpaper, I needed to see her face (and that picture was taken when we were still together so it was like time stood still and didn't move on, like she was still MY girl, MINE and ONL MINE -if only).
I must've jerked off more than a million times to that picture (this while I was thinking/remembering of all the sexual things we did together with every vivid detail, I have a prettu good memory) and if there is a Guinness World record for the most times a person ejaculated to a single picture of a particular person, this unarguably goes to me.
But, because I was very curious about her and if she was dating someone, I was tempted to visit her Instagram profile once again and I took an oath to myself for this to be the very last time, I was like "enough is enough, you have spend WAY too much time on crying over her, you REALLY have to move on, make a profile on dating apps* , meet other girls, continue living in the present, not in the past".
((( *I tried all dating apps in those 2 years WHILE my mind was still on here and I did meet and talk with other girls but I was so obsessed to her, who was I kidding? Every date I went out with was a complete failure, a total disaster. No other girl could replaced her and no other girl was as innocent -and of course, a virgin- as her, most girls I talked to were very experienced, most had a body count of 7-8 or even more guys, which is fine I guess for young women in their mid-25s, I never consider/see them as "sluts" or "promiscuous" , but She was special, she was unique and different and I was ALMOST there, I HAD to be the first guy she would've sex with, my whole body trembled for her touch and my soul was in agony when I was thinking of some other guy touching her, kissing her...or other things I would've ......, creed and cried over just by the idea of them, someone else taking her virginity while I felt I was destined to do so, I felt it was like fate you know, her being my first and me being her first. )))
That last time was in my birthday.
I thought of that day's significance as symbolical, like my own present to myself; a new life, leaving behind everything that belongs to the past and never look back, just one last time seeing her, the last fucking time.
Fuck me.
Her IG profile was almost exactly the same, same followers/follows, same profile picture but... something was off.
The moment I noticed that small detail I literally screamed and the whole neighborhood must've heard me.
There was a "bio" , she didn't had a "bio" before.
In her bio she wrote a guys name + her name + a date + some heart emojis.
My stomach felt like I have swallowed acid and my heart was pumping like someone shot adrenaline in me!
She really did moved with her life.
Wow.
Fucking unbelievable.
I spend 2 years waiting for her, crying over her, being angry with myself for everything I did wrong according to her POV, denying myself any opportunity for sex and... she was not.
As a matter of fact, their date were just a few days after we broke up. I don't remember the exact number but fewer than a week, for that I'm sure.
After we broke up and we stopped living together, I return home and lived with my .......
I was unemployed at that time by the way.
A 28 years old (at that day it was my birthday) unemployed loser, no friends, no social life, no girl.
First of all, it is nice to find this forum and second, my ...... language isn't English and I'm a self-taught so forgive me for any typos!
TL;DR ahead.
Story:
I used to date a girl about the same age as me (I was 25 at that time and she was 23).
After a couple months since we started dating, we got into a relationship that lasted 1 and a half year.
She never had any sexual experiences, not only she was a virgin but also didn't had any roleplay experience (she never sucked a guy's cock before) , basically, she never ever had a relationship with a man that involved physical contact (she only had one previous relationship which was long-distance and that was with a girl).
In those 1 and a half years (of which the last 2 months we lived together) did everything EXCEPT actual penetration vaginal sex, more specific:
Handjob (her to me) , finger fucking (me to her) , footjob (her to me), blowjob (her to me), cunniligus (me to her) and on 2 separate times, I fucked her from the ass.
But even if we did/tried all those beautiful things, she was (technically) still a virgin and I can't even describe you with words how much I anticipated to be her first, I used to date girls for enough time to know how rare for a girl (especially over 20 years old) to be a virgin, yet alone totally sexually inexperienced in all the aforementioned stuff, so, for me, being the guy who would deflorate her (you can take a girl's virginity only once, only one time she will ...... from her vagina so it's quite of an unique experience) was the ultimate goal, I dreamed about that day since the very day we began chatting from that dating app, so, just imagine for a minute to dream for something that would happen in the indefinitive future, that's like waiting for Christma's presents in the middle of the Summer, that burning feeling of deep desire in my heart, mind a soul, I waa thinking and dreaming about that day for each and every single one of the days we were together as a couple.
She was of a strictly and puritan family and with "traditional" (backward minded) values/principles/morals and their parents brain washed her to follow my country's tradition (it's a Balkan country by the way) of the "first wedding night" , aka "stay virgin until the day you get officially married, not even a day before.
The closest I get to that was on 2 separate occasions when I was on top of her and after we played a little (French tongue kisses, touching her boobs, etc.) I took off her pants and underwear and I rub my cock on her vagina but very gently, she was leading me at all times (while kissing her, she was grabbing my cock and rub it on her clitoris but only that, my cock's head never went not even 1mm deep, she just kept on rubbing it on her vagina until she came.
We had a troubled relationship in our last months together and we were fighting all the time, arguing about little/insignificant stuff, me getting late after work (I worked in a factory at that time) because the job was too far away and I went/returned with local transportation (bus) , her cooking (she was a lousy cook and 9 out of 10 times we bought take out food or from restaurants with deliveries, her parents were living in a close distance so she often leave our apartment so she can pack some of the leftovers of her parent's meals (in here we usually make much more food that we normally eat and we save the leftovers to either eat them at night or some other day) so we could eat that instead of spending money on take outs again, her complaining about me snoring when ...... (even if I wore a professional mouth piece designed to make snoring less loud) , her overly-obsessed thing with germs (when I returned home from the work, I HAD to remove my shoes, take a shower, clean my hands with soap, put on a deodorant, brush my teeth and THEN she was ok with me kissing and hugging her -the covid pandemic made things to escalate so it was like living with Mr. Monk, you know, the detective tv series? lol- and stuff like these.
I also had a neurological kind of problem, or psychological? No idea what it was, I just failed to mantain erection. Maybe because she was so grumpy all the time and I was clumsy when I performed cunnilingus to her (I licked her for 20-30 minutes but she never came) , she was always telling me what to do, constantly giving me directions "do it like that" , "faster" , "deeper" etc. (at this point I have to admit that I never had any sexual experience before her, all my relationships were long-distance -meeting people online, web dating, web cameras etc.- I only kissed 2 girls in a period of 5+ years, maybe some boob touching on top of their shirts/bras but that was all so everything that I did with her was new for me as well).
So, even if my cock were fully erected when she performed me fellatio, because of the stress she caused me by talking too much it just fell off and it was soft most of the times (in order for me to cum, I had to think of a pornstar or a porn video, oh by the way, I never came in her face or mouth no matter how many times I begged her to let me do that, when I was about to cum, I told her a couple of seconds before and I immediately hurry to run to the bathroom and cum in the toilet).
Long story short, we broke up.
I was madly in love with her and even months after we broke up (in which months I called her dozens times per day, sent her thousands of messages on her social media -I even created a lot of fake profiles to send her messages from because each time I did that she blocked me, my phone number was already on her phone's "black list" by the way, I also visited her at her work where I beg for her to gimme another chance, that I will do anything she wants me to as long as she will forgive my attitude -which was all her own faults, she was just a spoiled girl who grew with all the love and luxuries her parents offered to her and she couldn't take "no" for an answer so to get along with her, you had to do everything she asked you to but also not do the things she wouldn't want you to/disliked, so YOU have to change but NOT her, get it? Selfish little brat- and I also stalk her -I was oftenly visit her apartment and ask her ...... to calm her down/reason her and I promised that she wouldn't regret it.
We split up in 2022 and until 2024 I was thinking about her ALL day.
I was also masturbating at least 5 times per day while I was thinking about all the sexual stuff we did together (imagine a 25-26 yo guy with absolutely no sexual experiences at all, suddenly doing so many things, that really fills up his "wank memory" if you know what I mean) and I was SO FUCKING JEALOUS about the fact that she was single and God knows if she was still a virgin or not, ffs, I was so jealous about it that I constantly cried about it, threw stuff/items at walls to break them, I even went through a depression which lead me to a psychologist and ultimately, I was hospitalized in a mental facility/hospital for almost 1 month.
I finally accepted and embraced the fact that: 1) she didn't loved any more, 2) it was out/beyond of my powers and will to bring her back/re-enter her life (it was up to her, what could I have done differently? I already stalked her -both IRL and online- and she -at some point- threated me to sue me and call the police).
So, after thoroughly thinking about this, I was like "Okay... you choose this, not me, I did everything I could to win you over/back. I hope you will be happy and satisfied with whoever is that you will meet/date/start a relationship with. Have a good life, goodbye forever!".
I knew that she was very modest (the way she talked and dressed) and she was antisocial (had very few friends) so chances were that she could possibly be still single, after 2+ years of not knowing what she was doing with her life/keeping up with her life's updates.
Truth is that I missed her, so fucking much but the possibility of her being still a virgin had me hooked/hypnotized, I was 100% certain that there was NO way I could ever find/meet a girl in her age and a virgin, unless that girl was really overweight, ugly or had some serious antisocial problems (my ex was really pretty actually and had a perfect body, I wouldn't change a thing on her, she was my dream girl, very cute).
I just couldn't believe how close we were to getting engaged (we literally broke up on Valentine's Day and the week before I asked her to marry me but she refused , she said she wasn't ready yet and she needed more time to think this over and we got on a HUGE fight and we broke up -officially- on the day that is dedicated to the lover's, what a fucking tragedy) and then getting married, so me taking her virginity was something that could never happen after the break up + not talking to each other for more than 2 years.
I never had any photograph of her because I didn't like to take pics of me (and she mainly liked to take pics of things like sunsets, nature, the sky, journeys/road trips on vacations, stuff like that) and I frequently stalked her Instagram profile which she switched to "private" (meaning, ai could no longer see her posts or who was following her / being followed by her) , all I could see was her main profile picture, which I screenshoted and saved on my phone as a wallpaper, I needed to see her face (and that picture was taken when we were still together so it was like time stood still and didn't move on, like she was still MY girl, MINE and ONL MINE -if only).
I must've jerked off more than a million times to that picture (this while I was thinking/remembering of all the sexual things we did together with every vivid detail, I have a prettu good memory) and if there is a Guinness World record for the most times a person ejaculated to a single picture of a particular person, this unarguably goes to me.
But, because I was very curious about her and if she was dating someone, I was tempted to visit her Instagram profile once again and I took an oath to myself for this to be the very last time, I was like "enough is enough, you have spend WAY too much time on crying over her, you REALLY have to move on, make a profile on dating apps* , meet other girls, continue living in the present, not in the past".
((( *I tried all dating apps in those 2 years WHILE my mind was still on here and I did meet and talk with other girls but I was so obsessed to her, who was I kidding? Every date I went out with was a complete failure, a total disaster. No other girl could replaced her and no other girl was as innocent -and of course, a virgin- as her, most girls I talked to were very experienced, most had a body count of 7-8 or even more guys, which is fine I guess for young women in their mid-25s, I never consider/see them as "sluts" or "promiscuous" , but She was special, she was unique and different and I was ALMOST there, I HAD to be the first guy she would've sex with, my whole body trembled for her touch and my soul was in agony when I was thinking of some other guy touching her, kissing her...or other things I would've ......, creed and cried over just by the idea of them, someone else taking her virginity while I felt I was destined to do so, I felt it was like fate you know, her being my first and me being her first. )))
That last time was in my birthday.
I thought of that day's significance as symbolical, like my own present to myself; a new life, leaving behind everything that belongs to the past and never look back, just one last time seeing her, the last fucking time.
Fuck me.
Her IG profile was almost exactly the same, same followers/follows, same profile picture but... something was off.
The moment I noticed that small detail I literally screamed and the whole neighborhood must've heard me.
There was a "bio" , she didn't had a "bio" before.
In her bio she wrote a guys name + her name + a date + some heart emojis.
My stomach felt like I have swallowed acid and my heart was pumping like someone shot adrenaline in me!
She really did moved with her life.
Wow.
Fucking unbelievable.
I spend 2 years waiting for her, crying over her, being angry with myself for everything I did wrong according to her POV, denying myself any opportunity for sex and... she was not.
As a matter of fact, their date were just a few days after we broke up. I don't remember the exact number but fewer than a week, for that I'm sure.
After we broke up and we stopped living together, I return home and lived with my .......
I was unemployed at that time by the way.
A 28 years old (at that day it was my birthday) unemployed loser, no friends, no social life, no girl.