Our first fight since starting the lifestyle.

[randic69]

I've been reading and lots of really good comments. I think the biggest take away is communication and set limits or parameters you both agree on and stick too. You're a beautiful woman so part of it is being proud to show you off because you chose him. Me personally I love when my wife takes control and takes it to whatever level she feels in the mood for. Some guys it's a hard reality kick when all of a sudden their woman starts to love it herself and how it makes her feel. We have a strick no photo policy and the photos I have taken we were alone. I am a rather large and not always pleasant looking man so when I say no photos I don't generally have to repeat myself. Never forget you have the power in those situations and the threat that you will stop everything usually has most of the guys become body guards. One time at the theater 1 gentleman got a little to aggressive and the other guys put him in check before I even had to say anything because my wife told him to much. But it's super important that you guys communicate and come to an agreement because even if you stop the lifestyle he's always going to be self-conscious and think that's what you want and would rather have so the fighting will never stop. I love the freedom this lifestyle and brains and I hate to see anyone and a relationship because of it

 

[2wheel]

Clubs generally have a no photos rule, yet photos were taken. OUCH!
Do you actually know the reason he's pissed off; the photos, the 4 unexpected bulls, the 'walk of shame', did you break one of the agreed rules?
He is your husband, he accepts your having multiple bulls, how many husbands would do that, not many.

When you started this the first rule was 'preserve the primary relationship". Are willing to abandon that now?

 

[Teddy Long]

Is he still mad or has he accepted that you are the queen and he has to get over it.

 

[Lisa and Nick]

My guess is things are going further than he expected and maybe he feels like he is losing you or that you're giving yourself over to your bulls and their friends to a level that is uncomfortable to him. Maybe he would have.... warmer feet? if things were a little less wild?

At the same time, sounds like he is handling it all in a really poor way. He may need an education in how to appropriately express his feelings.

Honestly, couples can end up in this same situation for any number of reasons that have nothing to do with the lifestyle - just poor communication of expectations / immature expression of feelings. Something that was potentially going to be an issue eventually anyway, even if you never got into sharing. All marriages go through growing pains though, so its possible you can sort it out and come out stronger if you're willing to both commit to constructively working it out rather than him name calling.

Could say something like - "I'm sorry if I took things too far and hurt you. The way you're communicating that to me now, calling me names, is not acceptable though. I'm willing to sit down and establish some future guidelines if you can let go of your anger and describe what upset you and where we want things to go in the future, so that everyone can have a good time."

Also - quite possible over time his anger will subside and he'll succumb to thinking about how fucking hot that all was haha.

It uhhh, might help us to understand the situation and provide better advice if we could see these pictures.

I just had a big fight with Nick and he is blaming everything on me! He is still mad about what happened in the club, but now he is saying I have too much fun with my Bulls and that he now has issues with some other things I have done with them too. He is walking so much back! and he told me I was a slut for ruining our marriage. I am at my wits end with him!

 

[Lisa and Nick]

Clubs generally have a no photos rule, yet photos were taken. OUCH!
Do you actually know the reason he's pissed off; the photos, the 4 unexpected bulls, the 'walk of shame', did you break one of the agreed rules?
He is your husband, he accepts your having multiple bulls, how many husbands would do that, not many.

When you started this the first rule was 'preserve the primary relationship". Are willing to abandon that now?

The bouncers took the pictures after the last call, so the club was mostly empty. I did not realize there were pictures until my Bulls showed me...

 

[coastalkid]

Sounds like Nick is not just going to get over this on his own. Did you see signs of his “cold feet” before the club scene? Do you think Nick saying you have “too much“ fun with your bulls actually means he isn’t having enough fun himself? If he gets “pushed“ by your freedom do you think he’ll “push” back in ways you wouldn’t anticipat?

 

[majorem]

I just had a big fight with Nick and he is blaming everything on me! He is still mad about what happened in the club, but now he is saying I have too much fun with my Bulls and that he now has issues with some other things I have done with them too. He is walking so much back! and he told me I was a slut for ruining our marriage. I am at my wits end with him!

Encourages wife to be slut - gets mad when wife becomes slut...

It would be one thing if he had previously communicated his discomfort with things or set some boundaries and you ignored them but if so, you haven't mentioned that and from what we've heard so far, it sounds like he was fully into it, until he just suddenly lost his shit.

My guess is somewhere along the lines it started to feel like less of an exciting, mutual sexual adventure, to more of him feeling too left out / secondary to your bulls, and then resentment crept in. He probably has been feeling a bit of resentment for a while but didn't want to upset things and bit his tongue until it finally went too far for him and it all came out. Maybe it happened that way because he felt like he could not voice his feelings without you potentially getting upset / felt like you would not be receptive to his complaints. Also possible he was holding out, hoping you would recognize him and reign things in on your own - which is a mistake I've made in the past (not in a wife-sharing situation but other aspects of relationships). I eventually realized though, the best way to get what you need from someone is to just tell them instead of hoping they'll read your mind.

Whatever the case, I'm not defending his current actions - just trying to provide some insight into what might have been going on in his head. The way he's handling it now though is pretty immature. I'm not sure what the best course of action is. If you do want to preserve the marriage, I'd probably cut off seeing bulls for the time being and just go about your regular life while just avoiding engaging with husband until he chills out. Then at some point, you can maybe have a more constructive conversation about what you want the future to be. If he keeps throwing the slut thing in your face, I'd just keep telling him, that's his fault for promoting it and you don't need any of that (assuming that's true for you).

If you're done with him / don't want to give up the lifestyle you have, then maybe divorce is the only option. It will likely be messy though and he will attempt to make it all our to be your fault / slut shame you to family. At least, that's what happened to a friend of mine... She was always a bit of a slut in HS and we would occasionally fuck while she was dating the guy she eventually married, who apparently found out and got off on it. He encouraged her to get into hotwifing, took her to sex clubs, encouraged her to go out on dates with guys. Eventually she sort of fell for a dude and started seeing him a lot, then husband finally got jealous or whatever and filed for divorce, slut shamed her, told her family etc. It was pretty ugly. Following the diverse, she dated the "bull" she'd be seeing for a while but, knowing her past, he got all controlling and jealous and eventually they ended up splitting.

Sorry you have to go through this - definitely a shitty situation. Hope it works out somehow.

 

[Lisa and Nick]

Encourages wife to be slut - gets mad when wife becomes slut...

It would be one thing if he had previously communicated his discomfort with things or set some boundaries and you ignored them but if so, you haven't mentioned that and from what we've heard so far, it sounds like he was fully into it, until he just suddenly lost his shit.

My guess is somewhere along the lines it started to feel like less of an exciting, mutual sexual adventure, to more of him feeling too left out / secondary to your bulls, and then resentment crept in. He probably has been feeling a bit of resentment for a while but didn't want to upset things and bit his tongue until it finally went too far for him and it all came out. Maybe it happened that way because he felt like he could not voice his feelings without you potentially getting upset / felt like you would not be receptive to his complaints. Also possible he was holding out, hoping you would recognize him and reign things in on your own - which is a mistake I've made in the past (not in a wife-sharing situation but other aspects of relationships). I eventually realized though, the best way to get what you need from someone is to just tell them instead of hoping they'll read your mind.

Whatever the case, I'm not defending his current actions - just trying to provide some insight into what might have been going on in his head. The way he's handling it now though is pretty immature. I'm not sure what the best course of action is. If you do want to preserve the marriage, I'd probably cut off seeing bulls for the time being and just go about your regular life while just avoiding engaging with husband until he chills out. Then at some point, you can maybe have a more constructive conversation about what you want the future to be. If he keeps throwing the slut thing in your face, I'd just keep telling him, that's his fault for promoting it and you don't need any of that (assuming that's true for you).

If you're done with him / don't want to give up the lifestyle you have, then maybe divorce is the only option. It will likely be messy though and he will attempt to make it all our to be your fault / slut shame you to family. At least, that's what happened to a friend of mine... She was always a bit of a slut in HS and we would occasionally fuck while she was dating the guy she eventually married, who apparently found out and got off on it. He encouraged her to get into hotwifing, took her to sex clubs, encouraged her to go out on dates with guys. Eventually she sort of fell for a dude and started seeing him a lot, then husband finally got jealous or whatever and filed for divorce, slut shamed her, told her family etc. It was pretty ugly. Following the diverse, she dated the "bull" she'd be seeing for a while but, knowing her past, he got all controlling and jealous and eventually they ended up splitting.

Sorry you have to go through this - definitely a shitty situation. Hope it works out somehow.

Your first sentence sums up my frustration exactly! I mean if he bottled up negative emotions this whole time, he sure hid it well!! I want to have a grown-up conversation with Nick, but I think he just needs to cool off before he is ready, or not. I don't know. My Bulls say I should assert what I want with him and not really compromise.

 

[Erotibbc4u]

Your first sentence sums up my frustration exactly! I mean if he bottled up negative emotions this whole time, he sure hid it well!! I want to have a grown-up conversation with Nick, but I think he just needs to cool off before he is ready, or not. I don't know. My Bulls say I should assert what I want with him and not really compromise.

Don't listen to them. They (these "Bulls") don't give a shit about your relationship, your marriage... that is obvious. They're only thinking about fucking you. Get that in your head straight. This advice tells that story. But i guess you need to decide what's more important to you, Fucking these dudes who don't really know or give a damn about you or your life outside of sex, or your REAL relationship. Granted I don't know any of them, and maybe 1 or more of them does actually care about you on some level... and I don't know you or your hubby, but I think if you Truly love your husband, you will think of your relationship with him first before them. Those men don't LOVE You.
Best advice i can give is for you to cut off from them and take a break from this LS until you can also "cool down " along with Nick so you can get back on the same page.

 

[Lisa and Nick]

Don't listen to them. They (these "Bulls") don't give a shit about your relationship, your marriage... that is obvious. They're only thinking about fucking you. Get that in your head straight. This advice tells that story. But i guess you need to decide what's more important to you, Fucking these dudes who don't really know or give a damn about you or your life outside of sex, or your REAL relationship. Granted I don't know any of them, and maybe 1 or more of them does actually care about you on some level... and I don't know you or your hubby, but I think if you Truly love your husband, you will think of your relationship with him first before them. Those men don't LOVE You.
Best advice i can give is for you to cut off from them and take a break from this LS until you can also "cool down " along with Nick so you can get back on the same page.

I mean Nick and I are kind of cooling down right now, and yeah; my Bulls are interested in fucking me but so am I, we don't hide that fact honestly. Just frustrated at how wishy-washy Nick has become.

 

[Erotibbc4u]

I mean Nick and I are kind of cooling down right now, and yeah; my Bulls are interested in fucking me but so am I, we don't hide that fact honestly. Just frustrated at how wishy-washy Nick has become.

Well it's great that you want them as much as they want you, and you don't need to hide it... I get where they are coming from because I'd want to keep on fucking you too!! Lol. But my point is about getting your priorities... your home base should be it not me as your Bull. Their advice is not about your greater good, your emotional and mental welfare, which will suffer if things were to get worse between you and Nick. But im glad to hear things are cooling down... best baby 😘

 

[majorem]

Well it's great that you want them as much as they want you, and you don't need to hide it... I get where they are coming from because I'd want to keep on fucking you too!! Lol. But my point is about getting your priorities... your home base should be it not me as your Bull. Their advice is not about your greater good, your emotional and mental welfare, which will suffer if things were to get worse between you and Nick. But im glad to hear things are cooling down... best baby 😘

^^^ Yeah, have to agree - the advice of your bull is kind of self-serving and not necessarily what is in your long-term interests.

Only you can determine what you want long-term. Do you still love your husband or is it more about financial support? Would you give up having bulls to save the marriage if it came to that? If not, maybe you need to re-think that relationship and just prepare yourself deal with the fallout of a divorce, which is maybe for the best. You may need to make some sacrifice to keep one thing or the other.

If you do want to prioritize the marriage, I think continuing to see and talk with bulls right now may just make your husband feel further isolated and less important. Maybe that could make him fall into line and accept things or it could cause him to pull away further and file for divorce. Really depends on his personality. Maybe he just needs to see that he's most important to you, and demonstrating that you would cut out the bulls for him will reassure him and make him feel better about you continuing to play in the future. I wouldn't get into his situation to begin with but if I was, at this point, where he's gotten upset and you're still carrying on talking with the bulls, getting marriage advice from them, if I were him, I'd be like "fuck this shit, I'm out". But I'm not him, so who knows, maybe he'll chill and be cool with it, if you want to roll the dice on that, it's up to you.

From my perspective as a bull, I can say, with the woman I was involved with, she was a friend I'd known since HS and I do love her in a way, as a friend, but if I'm being honest, I was mainly into it for the sex. She did at one point talk about leaving her husband for me and I got weirded out and stopped seeing her / talking to her for a few years.

 

[Lisa and Nick]

I am still texting my Bulls like I have every day since Nick, and I met the guys! I do have a good relationship with them, so their input is important to me, and it was to Nick until recently. I told Nick that he was hurting my relationship with my Bulls because he is acting like a Bitch and walking everything back!! I feel that Nick is pushing me away and I am standing my ground in the Hotwife lifestyle. It took me a while to get where I am and now, he wants me to be a suburban wife again, like WTF Nick! I don't want to go back to that honestly!!

 

[Lisa and Nick]

Is he still mad or has he accepted that you are the queen and he has to get over it.

He is still mad...

 

[coastalkid]

Sounds like NIck is still in "fighting mode" and you're still "standing your ground". Have you been able to have a calm discussion with him about anything (even regular stuff) since the event? At some point you've had to run all the possible future scenarios through your head AND theorized what Nick would say for each. From the tone of your posts, it sounds like Nick isn't going to "just" admit he was being a "bitch" and forget about it. He's gonna need some help to get there. As unfair as it seems or is, the burden is on you in salvaging your relationship (or not). I think you know that you can attract more bulls if you really want that. I would even guess that seeking out new partners is part of the fun too and you would naturally move on to new and different lovers/bulls. These guys, as great as they are can be replaced. Or not, letting Nick go could be the best and worst thing to ever happen to you at the same time! It started out sticky and it's become an even stickier situation. I think it's up to you to make a first move.

 

[milfgilffucker]

Well my opinion as a bull for 15years is that you make wrong in all of your relationship with your husband and with your bulls... You want to have a good times for yourself and don't care about your husband... I think you never make an honest conversation with your hubby about this lifestyle and what do you want both of you from this lifestyle... At this moment you care only for yourself and your pleasure and don't care about your hubby... You think that is obliged to accept this situation and this where are you wrong... In this lifestyle both must be ok and not only one... Ass for your bulls... The only thing that they care is to screw your holes and nothing more... But this is not behave of a bull... Bull respect the couple and don't make things that hurt the couple...
As for you stop be egoistic and talk with your husband and respect him... Otherwise take a divorce and live your life...and let your husband find a woman that she respect him and care for him...
So sit down and think seriously with your mind and no with your pussy...

 

[Tof82]

Me and my mate fuked my wife one night after a party. She was flirting with him all night after a few drinks. It turned me on so much.

 

[robbiewillsucku]

just jack him off and tell him that you will jack him off more often to keep him happy.

 

[cuck52]

I am now, Both really. I think he might be getting cold feet, and it is too late you know?

He's a cuckold now he had no choice

 

[2wheel]

When you started this the first rule was 'preserve the primary relationship". I told Nick that he was hurting my relationship with my Bulls. This is completely opposite, you're concerned that your husband will hurt your relationship with men that just want to use your pussy, but not concerned these men will hurt your relationship with your husband.

Are willing to abandon you marriage and husband now?

From what you written I can answer my own question. YES! He wants me to be a suburban wife again, like WTF Nick! I don't want to go back to that honestly!!

As you claim his attitude has changed, but so has yours, you both expected & planned on occasional 'activity', not daily 'activity'. IMHO you and hubby are on different irreconcilable paths.

"When the fun is gone it's time to move on"!!!!!

I DO speak from experience.

Is this the start or the end (part 1)?

Thursday, 8/30, I asked my wife if Gayle is going to join us for dinner Friday 8/31. (we're going out for pizza and Gayle's husband Jack is away). She's engrossed in reading a book and without any thought blurts out, "no, Gayle has a date." Then she realizes what she just said, stops reading...

www.wifewantstoplay.com