Wow, so it can be done! how long did it take to convince her to do her first hotwife/cuckold experience?
Wife scared to play for real
- Thread starter brian4144
- Start date
Going from nudist to swinger took about 6 months. The transition from nudist to soft swap swinger to hot wife took about 5 years.
We started out being naked at a resort and then went to soft swap with nice understanding people about 6 months later. The first time was with 2 other couples (6 people total) who were very cool with helping a newbie get started. We met them at a swinger hotel (Ft. Lauderdale, FL). We did not go there to swing but just hang around. The atmosphere was different than a swinger club. It was very relaxed and slow.
I just let her lead the way. We stayed soft swap for the first couple of times. We met an older couple at their home for the usual soft swap. I was making out with the lady of the house and she said "so you are soft swap" I said yes but I would be understanding if my wife went further and my wife knows that. We both looked towards my wife and her husband was balls deep in my wife, sans condom. This was about 10 minutes after we arrived. He was the right guy to unlock her passion. I said "well I guess we aren't soft swap tonight. After that it was much easier.
It was about 4 years before she tried having sex while I watched. That is so much easier than swinging because you can finds tons of men who want to fuck an attractive woman but trying to find a couple you both line up with can be difficult. I also found it to be a huge turn on to watch her. When we were swingers I found I was watching her instead of minding my own tasks.
After that it was pretty wild. I'd screen interested men and she would talk to them. I was amazed at how fast things moved. At one point she had 18 different men over an 8 month period with most of them being repeat guests. The pandemic slowed things down considerably. It was a great adventure but we have moved into occasional fun with the right guys.
Getting ready for the first night at Caliente.
For more than 300$ per night one can expect a lot more that the rooms they are offering.
Pool vibe was ok and we sure had some fun during the day in the hot tub !
I think I am in somewhat similar situation with my wife except that she is not as open about admitting she would do it and I am honestly a little hesitant about pushing it currently because, after a recent talk it seems much more possible to make reality and suddenly I am a bit nervous and want to make sure it happens in a way that we'll both be comfortable with.
My wife is similar though in that, even if she was 100% on board with making this happen, I don't think she could soberly plan any sort of sharing scenario in advance. I think for the first experience, it has to "just naturally happen". Except, by "happen naturally" what I really mean, is I'll have to secretly try to set up the right situation that is conducive to her being shared and nudge things to happen. That situation will involve being in a sexy environment, having a few drinks and getting flirty with some other man who can make her feel comfortable. Then maybe I begin getting increasingly intimate with her and tell her to let the other guy have a touch too.
Your wife also could be having self-confidence issues. That's a thing with my wife as well. Even though she is very attractive and young looking for 40, she thinks I only compliment her because I'm her husband and other men may not find her attractive because she doesn't look 20 anymore.... Another reason I think a night out and some drinks are necessary for her to even get into the frame of mind where she could entertain the idea of sharing. She kind of goes from one extreme to another - in normal daily life, she can be a bit reserved and anxious but you take her out and get a couple drinks in her and she can be pretty wild.
I think also there is a potential element of guilt / shame and, again, for that reason, I think she likes to have things "happen to her" rather than be the one who is deliberately planning it, as it allows her to feel less responsible for what happens.
Last edited:
Last edited:
That's been my experience. I fucked a buddies gf Infront of him. She was shy the first time, but it was the right time. After that, she was all about my cock.
Our story....wife was 25, divorced 3 years, 2 kids. We met and hooked up that night. Evidently she was an easy piece and had several guys she was messing around with, I was one. We didn't really date much but she'd come over for sex often. Seems she liked the financial position I was in, we dud start to date for real and she eventually stopped with the other guys. About 5 years later we get married. She finds herself and starts going to church. I was no Saint either, this was good for me too. For the first 10 years of marriage we didn't even drink. Life was good.
About 5 years ago we moved into a different neighborhood, nice home, hottub. Friendly neighbors. We're empty nesters. Mild neighborhood gatherings were normal. One night at our place, 3 couples and 2 single guys for bbq, happened many times before. This night us, one couple, one guy stay late, like 8 o'clock. We're in the hottub drinking like we had befor. I'm not sure how but soon the girls are topless. That happened a couple times befor. The couple went home, it's us and our guy friend. Wife takes her top back off, we're sipping wine. No bigger really. Soon we're all naked, we did that once beforwith another couple. No sex play at all had ever happened.
Wife climbs out to use bathroom naked, friend gets out for wine refill, wife gets back into the water, friend comes with wine and he's fully erect. Fills our cups, puts bottle on counter, gets into water, full hard-on. No one said anything. 5 min later he says he's leaving, we all get out naked, he's not hard. We all go inside to get dressed, wife just throws my button shirt on, didn't cover her pussy. I have swim trunks on, he's in shorts and t-shirt. Still no big deal. We split the last of the wine, about a gulp each. We're saying goodbye, they hug for a sec, a kiss on the cheek. Suddenly they're thing kissing, lasted about 20 seconds, I'm like WTF ? She's got her hand on his dick, they break away, he's looking at her tits. She looks at me, then they're kissing again. He fucked her over the back of the couch, took maybe 2 minutes. We all look at each other, he leaves. Wife starts crying, apologized over and over. I didn't know what to say. We went to bed, said nothing for at keast half hour. She asks if I'm OK, I say yea. She claimed on me and fucked me silly.
Next day she's apologizing over and over. She's crying all day. That night we fucked like crazy.
My mind was a mess for months but we had good sex.
About 5 years ago we moved into a different neighborhood, nice home, hottub. Friendly neighbors. We're empty nesters. Mild neighborhood gatherings were normal. One night at our place, 3 couples and 2 single guys for bbq, happened many times before. This night us, one couple, one guy stay late, like 8 o'clock. We're in the hottub drinking like we had befor. I'm not sure how but soon the girls are topless. That happened a couple times befor. The couple went home, it's us and our guy friend. Wife takes her top back off, we're sipping wine. No bigger really. Soon we're all naked, we did that once beforwith another couple. No sex play at all had ever happened.
Wife climbs out to use bathroom naked, friend gets out for wine refill, wife gets back into the water, friend comes with wine and he's fully erect. Fills our cups, puts bottle on counter, gets into water, full hard-on. No one said anything. 5 min later he says he's leaving, we all get out naked, he's not hard. We all go inside to get dressed, wife just throws my button shirt on, didn't cover her pussy. I have swim trunks on, he's in shorts and t-shirt. Still no big deal. We split the last of the wine, about a gulp each. We're saying goodbye, they hug for a sec, a kiss on the cheek. Suddenly they're thing kissing, lasted about 20 seconds, I'm like WTF ? She's got her hand on his dick, they break away, he's looking at her tits. She looks at me, then they're kissing again. He fucked her over the back of the couch, took maybe 2 minutes. We all look at each other, he leaves. Wife starts crying, apologized over and over. I didn't know what to say. We went to bed, said nothing for at keast half hour. She asks if I'm OK, I say yea. She claimed on me and fucked me silly.
Next day she's apologizing over and over. She's crying all day. That night we fucked like crazy.
My mind was a mess for months but we had good sex.
More
The guy is the UPS at her office, nice guy. About 6 months later we have another BBQ, same couples, I'm over the thoughts, I say invite him, she says no way. We talked about it, everything us cool. Turns out she did invite him, she did tell me she talked with him, they agreed it was a mistake, all good.
Bbq day, he arrived, I greet him at the gate, we chat for a min, we're all good. He is a cool guy.
Later that night, hottub is full, 2 couples, 2 guys, wife and me left out. The one guy leaves. Wife gets in, drinking wives ... tops off. Our guy friend gets out tells me to hop in, he's leaving, I say its cool to stay. One couple leaves. I get in. Soon we're all naked. Other couple is good looking. That husband gets out for refill, he's full hard. No one says anything. He just refilled then git back in. Soon they leave. It's us and him naked. We talked about last time, he's cool with leaving but wife is into it again. More talking, we agree its just sexy fun. Soon we're in the house naked, they kiss for a while then she bends over the couch and he did her. He finishes, she runs to bathroom. He gets dressed, were all quiet. Wife starts kissing me, he's watching us. I fucked her over the couch. He leaves. Wife fucked me like crazy that night and for days after.
Now we're very comfy with it, he's been with us many times. She has a LOT of guilt feeling but she sure enjoys the sex.
Long story I know. We don't tell anyone we do this, it's nice to share on here.
The guy is the UPS at her office, nice guy. About 6 months later we have another BBQ, same couples, I'm over the thoughts, I say invite him, she says no way. We talked about it, everything us cool. Turns out she did invite him, she did tell me she talked with him, they agreed it was a mistake, all good.
Bbq day, he arrived, I greet him at the gate, we chat for a min, we're all good. He is a cool guy.
Later that night, hottub is full, 2 couples, 2 guys, wife and me left out. The one guy leaves. Wife gets in, drinking wives ... tops off. Our guy friend gets out tells me to hop in, he's leaving, I say its cool to stay. One couple leaves. I get in. Soon we're all naked. Other couple is good looking. That husband gets out for refill, he's full hard. No one says anything. He just refilled then git back in. Soon they leave. It's us and him naked. We talked about last time, he's cool with leaving but wife is into it again. More talking, we agree its just sexy fun. Soon we're in the house naked, they kiss for a while then she bends over the couch and he did her. He finishes, she runs to bathroom. He gets dressed, were all quiet. Wife starts kissing me, he's watching us. I fucked her over the couch. He leaves. Wife fucked me like crazy that night and for days after.
Now we're very comfy with it, he's been with us many times. She has a LOT of guilt feeling but she sure enjoys the sex.
Long story I know. We don't tell anyone we do this, it's nice to share on here.
I would think feeling scared is natural. It is a change in the dynamic of the relationship. I remember the first time I had sex, I was scared. My wife was anxious when she first started this journey, even though she knew I wanted this. It is probably the reason she told me at a restaurant, nice public place, but noisy enough for our conversation to be private. I told her I was happy and I showed her my support. It was not long before she had multiple boyfriends and was really enjoying herself. So just show her your support and build her confidence.
My wife has really gotten into our role play in the bedroom and is even comfortable enough talking about it outside the bedroom she still says no when I ask her if she's ready to make it a reality.
I agree making decisions based on morality is good reasoning to do or not do anything. My ex wife and a couple of other partners I have shared since then have all come to different conclusions on the morality of sharing relationships.
We came to the conclusion that if what we were doing wasn't harming someone or lying to each other or anyone else, our decision to be involved in the lifestyle was based on solid moral reasoning. We weren't hurting anyone else or trying to take advantage of people. In fact I could go a little further to make the argument that our decision is more morally reasoned because sharing involves giving kindness and caring to others; it brings joy and intimacy to another human being. Sex involves physical activity and mental stimulations along with a number good things it does for a person. There is also the social aspect of it with the closeness and real connection that comes from being naked, vulnerable and exposed, around others. I have found that the intimacy and nakedness of sharing sexual encounters organically removes the barriers and pretentions people keep up most of the time they are clothed. In my decades of experience in the lifestyle, the social interactions while naked, are relaxed, calm and liberating which leads to honest humble communications along with a feeling I can only describe as kinship.
Of course just like everything else there are downsides, but those happen when the basic tenants of do no harm and be honest are ignored. Personally in all my involvement we always pursued long-term relationships. It was something we asked early in the process and our encounters always worked out into long-term relationships because we took our time and were careful on new partners we invited to join us.
I have to be honest I disagree with the "any and many" crowd that is a large segment of most swing socials and groups, where some of the sex is anonymous or almost anonymous. I think the risks associated with this type of sex violate the "do no harm" tenet I mentioned earlier, because obviously the risk of illness is significantly higher and the sex is impersonal. This way of practicing the lifestyle is against my morals and I believe disrespectful to yourself and others. If I or my wife are having sex with someone we should want to know them as a person not an appliance with genitals there to deliver a service. Others have a different opinion. I still think my argument of how I and my partners have approached the lifestyle is more moral than either of the other two arguments or any others I have heard, based on the reasons I have outlined.
I am pro-churches and I love what the vast majority of churches do for their communities. Their defined rules for behavior are absolutely essential for maintaining the fabric of society. They also provide healthy social interaction which is so important to people and a place to congregate to work together. In comparison though, having gone to a lot of church functions and participated in a number of lifestyle encounters, there is a lot more honesty, bonding, community and true connection happening when you're naked, after being intimate with someone, than I have ever seen at any church gathering. Just saying. No offense is intended by me for any organized religion devotees reading this post, but I do think though that the vast majority of organized religions would condemn the lifestyle, even the way we engaged in it, yet our choice in my way of thinking, offers release and liberation of emotional pangs while theirs repress and bottle-up these emotions creating feelings of isolation and frustration.
There are other concerns with the lifestyle that I didn't cover which also need to be addressed in order to met the "do no harm" and "honesty" clauses, but are all solvable using these two principles, as are any other issues I have ever heard brought up relating to the lifestyle. With my way the heart warming examples of involuntary celibacy of; the suffering divorced man, the single mother with four kids and no time to date, the elderly woman who hasn't had intimacy in her life since her husband died, or the awkward young (legal) virgin man who is scared and anxious about being with a woman, can all be remedied with my way because it allows people to selflessly bless a person in need with caring and compassionate sex within the bounds of what is acceptable using these two guidelines. I have heard of many stories similar to these and known about a couple personally. The more restrictive way sex is restrained by most religions would only perpetuate the suffering. Many other situations are improved or alleviated with regards to sex using these two values as the template as well.
I rest my case.
We came to the conclusion that if what we were doing wasn't harming someone or lying to each other or anyone else, our decision to be involved in the lifestyle was based on solid moral reasoning. We weren't hurting anyone else or trying to take advantage of people. In fact I could go a little further to make the argument that our decision is more morally reasoned because sharing involves giving kindness and caring to others; it brings joy and intimacy to another human being. Sex involves physical activity and mental stimulations along with a number good things it does for a person. There is also the social aspect of it with the closeness and real connection that comes from being naked, vulnerable and exposed, around others. I have found that the intimacy and nakedness of sharing sexual encounters organically removes the barriers and pretentions people keep up most of the time they are clothed. In my decades of experience in the lifestyle, the social interactions while naked, are relaxed, calm and liberating which leads to honest humble communications along with a feeling I can only describe as kinship.
Of course just like everything else there are downsides, but those happen when the basic tenants of do no harm and be honest are ignored. Personally in all my involvement we always pursued long-term relationships. It was something we asked early in the process and our encounters always worked out into long-term relationships because we took our time and were careful on new partners we invited to join us.
I have to be honest I disagree with the "any and many" crowd that is a large segment of most swing socials and groups, where some of the sex is anonymous or almost anonymous. I think the risks associated with this type of sex violate the "do no harm" tenet I mentioned earlier, because obviously the risk of illness is significantly higher and the sex is impersonal. This way of practicing the lifestyle is against my morals and I believe disrespectful to yourself and others. If I or my wife are having sex with someone we should want to know them as a person not an appliance with genitals there to deliver a service. Others have a different opinion. I still think my argument of how I and my partners have approached the lifestyle is more moral than either of the other two arguments or any others I have heard, based on the reasons I have outlined.
I am pro-churches and I love what the vast majority of churches do for their communities. Their defined rules for behavior are absolutely essential for maintaining the fabric of society. They also provide healthy social interaction which is so important to people and a place to congregate to work together. In comparison though, having gone to a lot of church functions and participated in a number of lifestyle encounters, there is a lot more honesty, bonding, community and true connection happening when you're naked, after being intimate with someone, than I have ever seen at any church gathering. Just saying. No offense is intended by me for any organized religion devotees reading this post, but I do think though that the vast majority of organized religions would condemn the lifestyle, even the way we engaged in it, yet our choice in my way of thinking, offers release and liberation of emotional pangs while theirs repress and bottle-up these emotions creating feelings of isolation and frustration.
There are other concerns with the lifestyle that I didn't cover which also need to be addressed in order to met the "do no harm" and "honesty" clauses, but are all solvable using these two principles, as are any other issues I have ever heard brought up relating to the lifestyle. With my way the heart warming examples of involuntary celibacy of; the suffering divorced man, the single mother with four kids and no time to date, the elderly woman who hasn't had intimacy in her life since her husband died, or the awkward young (legal) virgin man who is scared and anxious about being with a woman, can all be remedied with my way because it allows people to selflessly bless a person in need with caring and compassionate sex within the bounds of what is acceptable using these two guidelines. I have heard of many stories similar to these and known about a couple personally. The more restrictive way sex is restrained by most religions would only perpetuate the suffering. Many other situations are improved or alleviated with regards to sex using these two values as the template as well.
I rest my case.
Last edited:
All the issues that I have heard above from the females perspective, fear of attachment, negative body perceptions, performance anxiety and concerns about husband becoming jealous can all be addressed from my past experience by being patient and using that time to develop a relationship with the guy online, over the phone, and in person for an "understood to be platonic only meeting" to get to know one another better. Once you are familiar with a person the insecurities should go away if there is chemistry between everyone. Now this person isn't an unknown an longer, but someone that is real flesh and blood, which puts most people at ease for possible disrespect after getting to know them. If you have the right person then that person should be someone who is forgiving, understanding and wouldn't think to insult or criticize another person during an encounter. If they did you need to work on your picking process, because it is flawed.
Now the objection from women that a MFM 3some is just a trojan horse of their guy to sneak in an eventual sexual encounter with another woman, is more nuanced. It requires the man to communicate effectively with his wife/girlfriend/partner/cohab to express his excitement and arousal at the idea in the most animated emotional intensity as he can manage. Repeat often, or some variation, "It would be the most incredible sexual experience of my life if I could watch you have sex with someone else. I would be over the moon because I think you are the most beautiful woman in the world. I have no interest in another woman, I have you." I threw in "If I had pictures of you having sex with someone else I wouldn't want to look at pornography of other women, because your pictures will be the most erotic pictures I could ever imagine. I fantasize about watching you have sex all the time. I can't get it out of my mind" This quote is what my wife told me convinced her to give the lifestyle a try. She knew swapping with couples was part of my request, but my viewing of porn of other women made her feel inadequate (lifestyle teaches you about your partner) and truthfully I almost exclusively only looked her pictures and videos for over a decade.
Next advice is don't be embarrassed about your kink, preference, whatever you want to call it. I have had stories told to me of guys so worried their wife will think they are weird they mumble and garble words so she misunderstands what they are trying to say giving her the idea that they want some kind of trolling motor for a boat (true story). Trust me I've heard some funny stories, from wives chronicling their husbands presentation when he tried to ask about the lifestyle. Recaps of the confusion coming out of nervous guys trying to explain they want to watch their woman have sex with someone else mixed with the interplay of their loving bride who is trying hard to understand whatever language their husband is now speaking, are belly laughingly hilarious.
I have 2 suggestions; 1) Get over your worry that she is going to think you are some kind of weirdo. I say this because she is going to think you are weird with this request, especially if this is out of the blue with no previous mention of the subject. So there really is no point in speaking low and softly while you nervously trip over your words as if this is somehow going to make this less weird. It will not trust me. My second suggestion is 2) Really practice before you go on stage rather than winging it. Treat it like it is a speech you are giving in front of a crowd when preparing and you will do much better and speed the process along rather than slow it down. I mean you need to look at it from her point of view. She has this nervous guy speaking in fragmented sentences quieter than she has ever heard him speak before, while you are trying to figure out how to ask her about doing this for you in a way that downplays your embarrassment over wanting this kink.
A bonus suggestion is I highly recommend not doing a cold open, but actually start broaching the subject in the bedroom in snippets so you don't just hit her out of left field. Most women can't believe a guy would want to watch his wife/girlfriend/cohab/partner have sex with someone else. This usually goes against everything a woman has learned, over a lifetime, about how men feel on the subject of their woman having sex with another man. That's why almost universally a woman's first thought is that their guy has to have some ulterior motive. The most common is "you want to fuck other women", then "you don't love me because you wouldn't want me doing that with someone else otherwise", the ever funny "you're trying to get rid of me" and bunch of others. Easing into it over a few weeks can give you an idea of her objections beforehand so you can be prepared to answer those objections.
One final thing I forgot to add is to ask questions rather than assuming how she is feeling and what she is thinking about this so you actually answer her question or concern, rather than the one you assume is her question. I have learned from my own spectacular failures in communicating with partners that when I try to read their mind by assuming I know, I really don't know what she is thinking. It's best in my experience to not test out your telepathy skills by just asking her. Not listening is a surefire way to fall down out of the gate by making her feel uncomfortable because in her mind, you aren't hearing her concerns about this confusing bizarre sex play idea. They typically are somewhat apprehensive already and then not listening will throw them into full-fledged panic as they conjure up visions of you coercing them in all sorts of uncomfortable ways. I have learned having done this with at least 3 different women, that asking them "What they think about it", "Can you think of a scenario doing this that would excite you" and other questions soliciting their concerns, opinions and feelings will get you a lot further and is more likely to be successful. Not bad for your relationship either to improve your listening skills.
Summarizing it all, when having this discussion with your wife the best way to communicate with her is to view this from her perspective, actually listen to her questions and concerns, prepare so you aren't nervous and come across clearly, and last but not least, seduce her by being your genuine self that loves and cares for her. Of course you need to remember to prepare, prepare, prepare. Don't skip this step. Do some self-care work on accepting your desire, if that is an issue for you, so that you come across confidently and clearly when you're discussing this with her. Emotions tend to have a bigger influence on women than us men, so if you are unsure about this being acceptable, you are going to transfer that feeling of doubt to her. My recommendation on learning to accept your fetish (loud and proud baby) is to put it into perspective. It may be not be vanilla, but it ain't the weirdest kink out there either by a wide margin. Plus remember there are some intriguing benefits for the woman too, which should start percolating in her mind as the discussion continues.
Using these suggestions doesn't guarantee success, because it is important to accept that there are legitimate reasons for someone not wanting to become involved in the lifestyle that you will not be able to be overcome, nor should you want to overcome them. If this is the case then this is the point where you have a bigger self-evaluation on the trade-offs and priorities you need to have a happy life. Excluding these dead stops, this formula has worked for me with partners of mine who all really enjoyed being a hotwife/hotgirlfriend and were happy with their decision. I hope this helps and good luck.
Now the objection from women that a MFM 3some is just a trojan horse of their guy to sneak in an eventual sexual encounter with another woman, is more nuanced. It requires the man to communicate effectively with his wife/girlfriend/partner/cohab to express his excitement and arousal at the idea in the most animated emotional intensity as he can manage. Repeat often, or some variation, "It would be the most incredible sexual experience of my life if I could watch you have sex with someone else. I would be over the moon because I think you are the most beautiful woman in the world. I have no interest in another woman, I have you." I threw in "If I had pictures of you having sex with someone else I wouldn't want to look at pornography of other women, because your pictures will be the most erotic pictures I could ever imagine. I fantasize about watching you have sex all the time. I can't get it out of my mind" This quote is what my wife told me convinced her to give the lifestyle a try. She knew swapping with couples was part of my request, but my viewing of porn of other women made her feel inadequate (lifestyle teaches you about your partner) and truthfully I almost exclusively only looked her pictures and videos for over a decade.
Next advice is don't be embarrassed about your kink, preference, whatever you want to call it. I have had stories told to me of guys so worried their wife will think they are weird they mumble and garble words so she misunderstands what they are trying to say giving her the idea that they want some kind of trolling motor for a boat (true story). Trust me I've heard some funny stories, from wives chronicling their husbands presentation when he tried to ask about the lifestyle. Recaps of the confusion coming out of nervous guys trying to explain they want to watch their woman have sex with someone else mixed with the interplay of their loving bride who is trying hard to understand whatever language their husband is now speaking, are belly laughingly hilarious.
I have 2 suggestions; 1) Get over your worry that she is going to think you are some kind of weirdo. I say this because she is going to think you are weird with this request, especially if this is out of the blue with no previous mention of the subject. So there really is no point in speaking low and softly while you nervously trip over your words as if this is somehow going to make this less weird. It will not trust me. My second suggestion is 2) Really practice before you go on stage rather than winging it. Treat it like it is a speech you are giving in front of a crowd when preparing and you will do much better and speed the process along rather than slow it down. I mean you need to look at it from her point of view. She has this nervous guy speaking in fragmented sentences quieter than she has ever heard him speak before, while you are trying to figure out how to ask her about doing this for you in a way that downplays your embarrassment over wanting this kink.
A bonus suggestion is I highly recommend not doing a cold open, but actually start broaching the subject in the bedroom in snippets so you don't just hit her out of left field. Most women can't believe a guy would want to watch his wife/girlfriend/cohab/partner have sex with someone else. This usually goes against everything a woman has learned, over a lifetime, about how men feel on the subject of their woman having sex with another man. That's why almost universally a woman's first thought is that their guy has to have some ulterior motive. The most common is "you want to fuck other women", then "you don't love me because you wouldn't want me doing that with someone else otherwise", the ever funny "you're trying to get rid of me" and bunch of others. Easing into it over a few weeks can give you an idea of her objections beforehand so you can be prepared to answer those objections.
One final thing I forgot to add is to ask questions rather than assuming how she is feeling and what she is thinking about this so you actually answer her question or concern, rather than the one you assume is her question. I have learned from my own spectacular failures in communicating with partners that when I try to read their mind by assuming I know, I really don't know what she is thinking. It's best in my experience to not test out your telepathy skills by just asking her. Not listening is a surefire way to fall down out of the gate by making her feel uncomfortable because in her mind, you aren't hearing her concerns about this confusing bizarre sex play idea. They typically are somewhat apprehensive already and then not listening will throw them into full-fledged panic as they conjure up visions of you coercing them in all sorts of uncomfortable ways. I have learned having done this with at least 3 different women, that asking them "What they think about it", "Can you think of a scenario doing this that would excite you" and other questions soliciting their concerns, opinions and feelings will get you a lot further and is more likely to be successful. Not bad for your relationship either to improve your listening skills.
Summarizing it all, when having this discussion with your wife the best way to communicate with her is to view this from her perspective, actually listen to her questions and concerns, prepare so you aren't nervous and come across clearly, and last but not least, seduce her by being your genuine self that loves and cares for her. Of course you need to remember to prepare, prepare, prepare. Don't skip this step. Do some self-care work on accepting your desire, if that is an issue for you, so that you come across confidently and clearly when you're discussing this with her. Emotions tend to have a bigger influence on women than us men, so if you are unsure about this being acceptable, you are going to transfer that feeling of doubt to her. My recommendation on learning to accept your fetish (loud and proud baby) is to put it into perspective. It may be not be vanilla, but it ain't the weirdest kink out there either by a wide margin. Plus remember there are some intriguing benefits for the woman too, which should start percolating in her mind as the discussion continues.
Using these suggestions doesn't guarantee success, because it is important to accept that there are legitimate reasons for someone not wanting to become involved in the lifestyle that you will not be able to be overcome, nor should you want to overcome them. If this is the case then this is the point where you have a bigger self-evaluation on the trade-offs and priorities you need to have a happy life. Excluding these dead stops, this formula has worked for me with partners of mine who all really enjoyed being a hotwife/hotgirlfriend and were happy with their decision. I hope this helps and good luck.
Last edited:
Related Threads
