She's cheated on me

[dickhurtz]

wow, there is a lot going on here.

i will admit, i don't think she is being respectful of you. she insisting on going to a party, where he is certain to be, against your wishes is a total lack of respect.

if it was me, i'd re-assess my marriage. i hope it all works out for you.

 

[StaggedCuck]

wow, there is a lot going on here.

i will admit, i don't think she is being respectful of you. she insisting on going to a party, where he is certain to be, against your wishes is a total lack of respect.

if it was me, i'd re-assess my marriage. i hope it all works out for you.

Thanks

 

[Snoopsissy]

But if she saw the chance to fulfil my fantasy why not tell me straight after the first time.
He certainly got her legs open a lot after.
He was a single guy and couldn't see her a lot so logic says there were others.
From the gossip I heard before mine got involved, I got the impression that he had a thing for married women, which again points to commitment issues, apart from the obvious kink.
If she was in fact telling him negative things about our relationship, then why end it?
It is not comfortable sending her to work with him everyday but we can't afford for her to quit, although that was my initial knee jerk idea.
He phone is locked, I did think of making her keep it unlocked but I am sure she is wise to all that now.
Next Friday her boss is leaving and having a big do for past and present staff and customers. I have told her she can't go, but we rowed and she has been in tears as she has promised to help out and insists she's going. I have been tempted to throw her out but....
All this angst and I am so turned on as well which feels wrong and sick.
I am grateful to you for patience in continuing to chat to me.

No it’s no trouble to chat with you about this , I just hope anything I say which is based on my own relationship helps you both in any way possible however small 👍. Yes before would have been ideal but maybe after too would have been ok - maybe she didn’t want to cause a break between you both as it sounds like you have had a long and loving relationship . A confession at that point could and more than likely would have been put down to the drink - it happens eh . But she then proceeded to open up for him regularly as obviously she was getting best of both worlds - nice safe relationship with you - dangerous exiting sex with him and she can’t be that naive to allow him to pressure her into doing all that without thinking of you - she wanted more he didn’t so ended it . Well that’s what I meant about blind hubby - don’t force her into unlocking her phone - just take note of her phone habits etc , checking her phone more - swiping messages - on the phone outside more etc etc . I think you are 100% right to ask her not to go to her office thing and I’d think that would be a given considering what’s went on - she was worried about gossip at work so he let him use her holes but isn’t worried about what he’ll say there now that it’s ended ? - yes it must be a turn on but tainted by her involvement with him - maybe he will be there too and again it might not really be over ???? Stick to your guns and if she insists on going ‘ to help out ‘ then I’d say you really have to dig deep in your heart and follow your gut instinct on it 😕

 

[StaggedCuck]

No it’s no trouble to chat with you about this , I just hope anything I say which is based on my own relationship helps you both in any way possible however small 👍. Yes before would have been ideal but maybe after too would have been ok - maybe she didn’t want to cause a break between you both as it sounds like you have had a long and loving relationship . A confession at that point could and more than likely would have been put down to the drink - it happens eh . But she then proceeded to open up for him regularly as obviously she was getting best of both worlds - nice safe relationship with you - dangerous exiting sex with him and she can’t be that naive to allow him to pressure her into doing all that without thinking of you - she wanted more he didn’t so ended it . Well that’s what I meant about blind hubby - don’t force her into unlocking her phone - just take note of her phone habits etc , checking her phone more - swiping messages - on the phone outside more etc etc . I think you are 100% right to ask her not to go to her office thing and I’d think that would be a given considering what’s went on - she was worried about gossip at work so he let him use her holes but isn’t worried about what he’ll say there now that it’s ended ? - yes it must be a turn on but tainted by her involvement with him - maybe he will be there too and again it might not really be over ???? Stick to your guns and if she insists on going ‘ to help out ‘ then I’d say you really have to dig deep in your heart and follow your gut instinct on it 😕

It helps to able to discuss more true fucked up feelings, I know it must be difficult for some to understand how I can go from one extreme to the other.
We have had a decade long relationship since school, she is/was my best friend and lover and I thought we shared everything, in fact I shared my fantasy and she shared herself!
I think you are right about the danger and excitement perhaps we got a bit stale even though we did have a big wedding last year. She certainly seemed to weaken at the attention and desire she was receiving.
It has just struck me I have no idea about what has got out at work and the fall out, I only know what I was told about his previous conquests.
The trouble is I am now getting more out of her in bed that in a forced face to face, but the problem with that is I am showing both sides of myself doing that.

 

[Hwcouple702]

I don't mean to sound harsh here, but this is a "reality check". She did NOT TELL YOU because she KNOWS YOU! All you have to realize is how you are reacting here, all of the drama, all of the mixed feelings, etc. You wanted her to do it, you encouraged her and she did do it, on HER TERMS. She's not going to come to you to get approval for every guy she wants to play with. She really shouldn't have to. If you just leave her alone about her sex life and let her enjoy it, then you will probably enjoy it more also. You have to realize that she's going to fuck other guys and that's what you encouraged. You have to get past the hurt and betrayed feelings and just enjoy the thrill of this. It's VERY difficult and that's why this type of relationship is so tough. As much as you guys want this in your fantasies, when it happens and you aren't in control of it, then you can't stand it. Just try to get over it. People from work know about it and her friends probably know about it. Just act normal and understand that those other people really don't matter at all to your relationship.

The one thing I would be concerned with IS your relationship. None of this will work if your relationship isn't solid and in that case you must insist that she stop. She MUST understand that your relationship is most important. That doesn't mean that every time YOU feel betrayed or angry that some other guy is fucking her and then go back to encouraging her when you're horny again, that it's a RELATIONSHIP issue. A real issue is either of you losing interest in the other. It would take me far too long to put together some sort of article on how my husband and I have gone about this since day 1 and I doubt anybody would read it anyway. We were always pretty sexually uninhibited and pretty far out there when it came to adventure. The REASON I cheated on him was because it was convenient, I got a thrill out of it and I knew he would disagree with many of my choices. I wasn't willing to abide by that. He WANTED me to do this from before we were married, he encouraged it, etc. I cheated because I did not really know how he would react once it became reality and I didn't want to lose him over it if for some reason our fantasy became reality and turned him off about me. It didn't work out that way, but I was willing to risk "cheating" and getting caught because I always had the fact on my side that he encouraged it and that I had told him I was NOT going to be faithful. Whether he actually believed that, I didn't know at the time. I had TONS OF SEX outside of our marriage and I didn't know if he would approve of that either or just figured "fooling around" and the occasional slip up with a few guys was as far as it would go. It went much farther, so I lied and kept up what I was doing. I did try to mind his feelings, not risk our relationship and avoided ANYTHING that would threaten his career reputation. He admitted later that he knew about many of my adventures and was actually turned on by my lies. I know they were stupid and not believable, but I had to come up with something and he had to trust me due to our "rules".

I know this is convoluted and is so brief as to probably seem a bit incoherent, but I can't write a book on here about it and I wanted to get these points out to you. Just let her have sexual pleasure and don't give her grief about it. Mr Hw and I had very few rules, but we agreed that we would NEVER badger one another about any suspicions we had or what we had been doing. We could ask and the other could not reply. That was how most of my cheating went down. Even if he suspected, or actually caught me, he couldn't say anything about it or if he did I would lie to him and he HAD TO ACCEPT my answer. WE NEVER had any sort of tiff over my sexual dalliances and I have always had a very active sex life outside of my marriage. There were times when I stopped or slowed down significantly during the years, but having an active dating and sex life outside of my WONDERFUL marriage has always been important for me. I can't imagine being married any other way.

Oh well, you can ask questions if I've confused you or just ignore this. I'm trying to help but understand if it's confusing.

Best of luck

Mrs Hotwife

EDIT: THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT I NEVER gave him reason to be jealous of my love or my dedication to him. I NEVER got involved in any sort of relationship that involved "feelings" for another man. I believe he knew I was always about sex and NOT about the "love" of someone else. I told him he would ALWAYS have my love forever in the same conversation that I told him that I would not be faithful to him with my BODY. Two totally different things.

Also, we've never had substance abuse or alcohol problems, problems being responsible, problems holding jobs, etc. I'm just a normal wife with a VERY slutty secret life. I understand that all of those things can put much stress on a relationship and could make the way I do things seem a bit impractical for those with different issues.

 

[Jamesass]

I am new here, don't even know if I am posting this in the right place.

A couple of months ago my wife out of the blue confessed to having an affair, which she apparently ended.

I have been upset and angry but also very weirdly turned on by it.

I am hurt and angry that she could do this to me.

But I am turned on by the fact that she could do it and I can't help imagining them doing it.

I have no one to confide in or discuss this with.

i would love to watch my wife fuck someone but if she does it without me i would be pissed

 

[StaggedCuck]

I don't mean to sound harsh here, but this is a "reality check". She did NOT TELL YOU because she KNOWS YOU! All you have to realize is how you are reacting here, all of the drama, all of the mixed feelings, etc. You wanted her to do it, you encouraged her and she did do it, on HER TERMS. She's not going to come to you to get approval for every guy she wants to play with. She really shouldn't have to. If you just leave her alone about her sex life and let her enjoy it, then you will probably enjoy it more also. You have to realize that she's going to fuck other guys and that's what you encouraged. You have to get past the hurt and betrayed feelings and just enjoy the thrill of this. It's VERY difficult and that's why this type of relationship is so tough. As much as you guys want this in your fantasies, when it happens and you aren't in control of it, then you can't stand it. Just try to get over it. People from work know about it and her friends probably know about it. Just act normal and understand that those other people really don't matter at all to your relationship.

The one thing I would be concerned with IS your relationship. None of this will work if your relationship isn't solid and in that case you must insist that she stop. She MUST understand that your relationship is most important. That doesn't mean that every time YOU feel betrayed or angry that some other guy is fucking her and then go back to encouraging her when you're horny again, that it's a RELATIONSHIP issue. A real issue is either of you losing interest in the other. It would take me far too long to put together some sort of article on how my husband and I have gone about this since day 1 and I doubt anybody would read it anyway. We were always pretty sexually uninhibited and pretty far out there when it came to adventure. The REASON I cheated on him was because it was convenient, I got a thrill out of it and I knew he would disagree with many of my choices. I wasn't willing to abide by that. He WANTED me to do this from before we were married, he encouraged it, etc. I cheated because I did not really know how he would react once it became reality and I didn't want to lose him over it if for some reason our fantasy became reality and turned him off about me. It didn't work out that way, but I was willing to risk "cheating" and getting caught because I always had the fact on my side that he encouraged it and that I had told him I was NOT going to be faithful. Whether he actually believed that, I didn't know at the time. I had TONS OF SEX outside of our marriage and I didn't know if he would approve of that either or just figured "fooling around" and the occasional slip up with a few guys was as far as it would go. It went much farther, so I lied and kept up what I was doing. I did try to mind his feelings, not risk our relationship and avoided ANYTHING that would threaten his career reputation. He admitted later that he knew about many of my adventures and was actually turned on by my lies. I know they were stupid and not believable, but I had to come up with something and he had to trust me due to our "rules".

I know this is convoluted and is so brief as to probably seem a bit incoherent, but I can't write a book on here about it and I wanted to get these points out to you. Just let her have sexual pleasure and don't give her grief about it. Mr Hw and I had very few rules, but we agreed that we would NEVER badger one another about any suspicions we had or what we had been doing. We could ask and the other could not reply. That was how most of my cheating went down. Even if he suspected, or actually caught me, he couldn't say anything about it or if he did I would lie to him and he HAD TO ACCEPT my answer. WE NEVER had any sort of tiff over my sexual dalliances and I have always had a very active sex life outside of my marriage. There were times when I stopped or slowed down significantly during the years, but having an active dating and sex life outside of my WONDERFUL marriage has always been important for me. I can't imagine being married any other way.

Oh well, you can ask questions if I've confused you or just ignore this. I'm trying to help but understand if it's confusing.

Best of luck

Mrs Hotwife

EDIT: THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT I NEVER gave him reason to be jealous of my love or my dedication to him. I NEVER got involved in any sort of relationship that involved "feelings" for another man. I believe he knew I was always about sex and NOT about the "love" of someone else. I told him he would ALWAYS have my love forever in the same conversation that I told him that I would not be faithful to him with my BODY. Two totally different things.

Also, we've never had substance abuse or alcohol problems, problems being responsible, problems holding jobs, etc. I'm just a normal wife with a VERY slutty secret life. I understand that all of those things can put much stress on a relationship and could make the way I do things seem a bit impractical for those with different issues.

I might be getting this wrong but I have looked into both cuckolding and hotwifing and as far as I can see that have similarities with good relationships, That is because it is about good communication, trust, respect, the word cheating is not a feature of any of them.
Although yes I did have the fantasy and shared it with her communicated about it and clearly expressed my views, I simply asked the same of her, I would not call that badgering,

 

[StaggedCuck]

i would love to watch my wife fuck someone but if she does it without me i would be pissed

That is most certainly part of my point, thank you.

 

[Snoopsissy]

It helps to able to discuss more true fucked up feelings, I know it must be difficult for some to understand how I can go from one extreme to the other.
We have had a decade long relationship since school, she is/was my best friend and lover and I thought we shared everything, in fact I shared my fantasy and she shared herself!
I think you are right about the danger and excitement perhaps we got a bit stale even though we did have a big wedding last year. She certainly seemed to weaken at the attention and desire she was receiving.
It has just struck me I have no idea about what has got out at work and the fall out, I only know what I was told about his previous conquests.
The trouble is I am now getting more out of her in bed that in a forced face to face, but the problem with that is I am showing both sides of myself doing that.

 

[Snoopsissy]

Yes it’s not easy as you want it to happen , you both wanted it to happen but not in the way it went down . Can I ask when you discussed the fantasy of her being shared was she seeing him at that time ? , just if she encouraged it and went along with it at that time that would be an ideal get out clause for her if she got caught ? . Again if do defo sounded like he ended it then and you said you are getting more out of her in bed - are you still fucking her and is she telling you details about them ? . Yes well I’d say it was a good chance he has certainty told male colleagues at work about her / them so there is that too - just concerned about her saying she has to go to help out - think getting her marriage back on track would be far more important

 

[StaggedCuck]

We first discussed the fantasy in our late teens, so, long before. We use to read stories together.
I am still fucking her, more fucking than making love if you know what I mean?
I have kind of introduced it in foreplay, she seems to be able to talk more in the dark in bed.
As for detail it is very much me asking questions and her answering very carefully and some what reluctantly. Reluctantly she says because she doesn't want to hurt me more, which is why I have had to turn it almost into a game and had to not show any anger to much.
We have reached a compromise about Friday, she will go be there to pick her up< I am still a little bummed that she dug her heels in.

 

[Snoopsissy]

We first discussed the fantasy in our late teens, so, long before. We use to read stories together.
I am still fucking her, more fucking than making love if you know what I mean?
I have kind of introduced it in foreplay, she seems to be able to talk more in the dark in bed.
As for detail it is very much me asking questions and her answering very carefully and some what reluctantly. Reluctantly she says because she doesn't want to hurt me more, which is why I have had to turn it almost into a game and had to not show any anger to much.
We have reached a compromise about Friday, she will go be there to pick her up< I am still a little bummed that she dug her heels in.

Ah I see so she was really aware of your desire to share her - yes I think she can do that in the dark to hide her guilt and of course she is reluctant because she doesn’t and probably won’t tell you all the nasty things they did together not to cause any more trouble but to hide the facts that she was a willing participant and wasn’t pressured or coerced one little bit . Really ???? Well that just shows you then doesn’t it - for the sake of her marriage and remember it’s only her guilt none of this is really your doing - the work do comes first to ‘ help out ‘ eh , guaranteed the player will be there , I would go much earlier to where you are getting her - park the car a bit away and walk and watch see if they appear together - if so then go and get the car and pick her up at alloyed place / time and play it cool . Will be an anxious wait though

 

[Snoopsissy]

Well I’d amend that it slightly is your fault partly as you wanted it to happen but from our communications you never instigated for it to happen with this particular person but that is so selfish of her to want to attend the works do thing -that’s the kind of thing you would do if it wasn’t over or you had an inkling you could get it back on track - NOT if you knew you had been going behind your husbands back for 6 months and being used - surely your marriage and home would come first

 

[StaggedCuck]

Ah I see so she was really aware of your desire to share her - yes I think she can do that in the dark to hide her guilt and of course she is reluctant because she doesn’t and probably won’t tell you all the nasty things they did together not to cause any more trouble but to hide the facts that she was a willing participant and wasn’t pressured or coerced one little bit . Really ???? Well that just shows you then doesn’t it - for the sake of her marriage and remember it’s only her guilt none of this is really your doing - the work do comes first to ‘ help out ‘ eh , guaranteed the player will be there , I would go much earlier to where you are getting her - park the car a bit away and walk and watch see if they appear together - if so then go and get the car and pick her up at alloyed place / time and play it cool . Will be an anxious wait though

All she said about pressure or coercion is after the first time she said she couldn't do it again but he persisted.
I think you are right I will turn up early and stay out of sight.

 

[StaggedCuck]

Well I’d amend that it slightly is your fault partly as you wanted it to happen but from our communications you never instigated for it to happen with this particular person but that is so selfish of her to want to attend the works do thing -that’s the kind of thing you would do if it wasn’t over or you had an inkling you could get it back on track - NOT if you knew you had been going behind your husbands back for 6 months and being used - surely your marriage and home would come first

I did want and encourage it, but what I make clear was I wanted it to be a shared and safe experience, although of course ideally I would want to have been there, I would have let something organic like that happen, if I was at least aware that she might do such a thing. She always said she liked the fantasy but could never do it for real. I also wanted to ensure she was safe and I she had a get out if she needed it.
She claims it is out of respect and loyalty to her manager but I point out it is time to show loyalty to me.

 

[Snoopsissy]

Yes that might be the case but again must have been something there eh - some guy can persist all he wants but you either want to stay faithful or not - you can’t really be made to have a 6 month affair can you ? Without a willingness of some sort or type from both parties . Yes that’s what I’d do and I’d be keeping an eye on her phone habits leading up to it too - probably they may sneak away separately if they meeting so I’d be there quite early just in case - my opinion is she is bang out of order ‘ to dig her heels in ‘ about going to it in the first place - again that shows real motive and determination on her part to ensure she goes - I’m sure there will be lots of others ? - obviously she is wanting to see him / talk to him about things - your marriage or your works night out ????? I would say it defo is NOT over her doing that

 

[StaggedCuck]

Yes that might be the case but again must have been something there eh - some guy can persist all he wants but you either want to stay faithful or not - you can’t really be made to have a 6 month affair can you ? Without a willingness of some sort or type from both parties . Yes that’s what I’d do and I’d be keeping an eye on her phone habits leading up to it too - probably they may sneak away separately if they meeting so I’d be there quite early just in case - my opinion is she is bang out of order ‘ to dig her heels in ‘ about going to it in the first place - again that shows real motive and determination on her part to ensure she goes - I’m sure there will be lots of others ? - obviously she is wanting to see him / talk to him about things - your marriage or your works night out ????? I would say it defo is NOT over her doing that

No, she certainly was not coerced, she says it was the attention that did it, but I think she must have had a long term thing about him, and despite his reputation that she even spoke about with a friend in front of me, she still went for it.
I wonder whether this was a completely separate thing to what we had talked about. In other words, sharing her with other men, in her head was just a faceless fantasy. And this affair was completely different and would have happened regardless of whether we had chatted about any such thing.
I feel hurt about her going, but in my head I know they are together 5 days a week and I can't control that, they could go to lunch or to his flat, so I have to trust and stick or bust.
I only heard about this when it blew up, so either she finished it or he did. My worry I guess is that she is telling the true, that it was her, and therefore she could be talked back into it, just like he did all those previous times she felt guilty.

 

[Charles]

I don't mean to sound harsh here, but this is a "reality check". She did NOT TELL YOU because she KNOWS YOU! All you have to realize is how you are reacting here, all of the drama, all of the mixed feelings, etc. You wanted her to do it, you encouraged her and she did do it, on HER TERMS. She's not going to come to you to get approval for every guy she wants to play with. She really shouldn't have to. If you just leave her alone about her sex life and let her enjoy it, then you will probably enjoy it more also. You have to realize that she's going to fuck other guys and that's what you encouraged. You have to get past the hurt and betrayed feelings and just enjoy the thrill of this. It's VERY difficult and that's why this type of relationship is so tough. As much as you guys want this in your fantasies, when it happens and you aren't in control of it, then you can't stand it. Just try to get over it. People from work know about it and her friends probably know about it. Just act normal and understand that those other people really don't matter at all to your relationship.

The one thing I would be concerned with IS your relationship. None of this will work if your relationship isn't solid and in that case you must insist that she stop. She MUST understand that your relationship is most important. That doesn't mean that every time YOU feel betrayed or angry that some other guy is fucking her and then go back to encouraging her when you're horny again, that it's a RELATIONSHIP issue. A real issue is either of you losing interest in the other. It would take me far too long to put together some sort of article on how my husband and I have gone about this since day 1 and I doubt anybody would read it anyway. We were always pretty sexually uninhibited and pretty far out there when it came to adventure. The REASON I cheated on him was because it was convenient, I got a thrill out of it and I knew he would disagree with many of my choices. I wasn't willing to abide by that. He WANTED me to do this from before we were married, he encouraged it, etc. I cheated because I did not really know how he would react once it became reality and I didn't want to lose him over it if for some reason our fantasy became reality and turned him off about me. It didn't work out that way, but I was willing to risk "cheating" and getting caught because I always had the fact on my side that he encouraged it and that I had told him I was NOT going to be faithful. Whether he actually believed that, I didn't know at the time. I had TONS OF SEX outside of our marriage and I didn't know if he would approve of that either or just figured "fooling around" and the occasional slip up with a few guys was as far as it would go. It went much farther, so I lied and kept up what I was doing. I did try to mind his feelings, not risk our relationship and avoided ANYTHING that would threaten his career reputation. He admitted later that he knew about many of my adventures and was actually turned on by my lies. I know they were stupid and not believable, but I had to come up with something and he had to trust me due to our "rules".

I know this is convoluted and is so brief as to probably seem a bit incoherent, but I can't write a book on here about it and I wanted to get these points out to you. Just let her have sexual pleasure and don't give her grief about it. Mr Hw and I had very few rules, but we agreed that we would NEVER badger one another about any suspicions we had or what we had been doing. We could ask and the other could not reply. That was how most of my cheating went down. Even if he suspected, or actually caught me, he couldn't say anything about it or if he did I would lie to him and he HAD TO ACCEPT my answer. WE NEVER had any sort of tiff over my sexual dalliances and I have always had a very active sex life outside of my marriage. There were times when I stopped or slowed down significantly during the years, but having an active dating and sex life outside of my WONDERFUL marriage has always been important for me. I can't imagine being married any other way.

Oh well, you can ask questions if I've confused you or just ignore this. I'm trying to help but understand if it's confusing.

Best of luck

Mrs Hotwife

EDIT: THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT I NEVER gave him reason to be jealous of my love or my dedication to him. I NEVER got involved in any sort of relationship that involved "feelings" for another man. I believe he knew I was always about sex and NOT about the "love" of someone else. I told him he would ALWAYS have my love forever in the same conversation that I told him that I would not be faithful to him with my BODY. Two totally different things.

Also, we've never had substance abuse or alcohol problems, problems being responsible, problems holding jobs, etc. I'm just a normal wife with a VERY slutty secret life. I understand that all of those things can put much stress on a relationship and could make the way I do things seem a bit impractical for those with different issues.

I think it is very kind of you to take the time to write this. It is well thought out and well written. Although everyone’s situation is different, I always look forward to reading your perspective and agree with it most of the time (obviously small parts are going to be different in different relationships). I completely agree with you that reacting negatively and creating drama will not solve anything, but rather create more issues. I am personally a big fan of communication. Putting ”rules” in place is a form of control that can be smothering and inhibit the full enjoyment of the experience in my opinion.

Now does not having rules risk your wife having sex with someone you don’t like or doing something that makes you jealous? Absolutely it does and those two things will likely happen. I also think that when they do and you actually take time to process them rather than react, it will become a turn on that she did it and enjoyed it.

Thanks again for taking the time and I look forward to reading more of your perspective. Actually I would read an article about how you have gone about it and would enjoy reading it!!

 

[StaggedCuck]

I think it is very kind of you to take the time to write this. It is well thought out and well written. Although everyone’s situation is different, I always look forward to reading your perspective and agree with it most of the time (obviously small parts are going to be different in different relationships). I completely agree with you that reacting negatively and creating drama will not solve anything, but rather create more issues. I am personally a big fan of communication. Putting ”rules” in place is a form of control that can be smothering and inhibit the full enjoyment of the experience in my opinion.

Now does not having rules risk your wife having sex with someone you don’t like or doing something that makes you jealous? Absolutely it does and those two things will likely happen. I also think that when they do and you actually take time to process them rather than react, it will become a turn on that she did it and enjoyed it.

Thanks again for taking the time and I look forward to reading more of your perspective. Actually I would read an article about how you have gone about it and would enjoy reading it!!

Thank you for your kind words.
I wasn't talking about hard rules just a common courtesy, of hey, I found a guy I might want to try what we fantasised with. That way at least I knew and had some part of even say in a passive way.
There was also more to consider in this situation as it may have jeopardised work friendships and more so her job, as bank are not keen on relationships within high street/business centre branches for security reasons.
It is a turn on that she did it, that is the other side of my quandary. That same part of my brain also says it was even more daring and therefore erotic that she did do it, with someone I disliked and with someone where news would be highly likely get out to so many people. But then, you know us men, you blow your load and then, all I can think of is the humiliation of people we know knowing, and what if it got out to family as well. And her daring disregard for the fall out then becomes hurt and a feeling that she didn't care what she put at risk.

 

[Snoopsissy]

leading up to it too - probably they may sneak away separately if they meeting so I’d be there quite early just in case - they still

No, she certainly was not coerced, she says it was the attention that did it, but I think she must have had a long term thing about him, and despite his reputation that she even spoke about with a friend in front of me, she still went for it.
I wonder whether this was a completely separate thing to what we had talked about. In other words, sharing her with other men, in her head was just a faceless fantasy. And this affair was completely different and would have happened regardless of whether we had chatted about any such thing.
I feel hurt about her going, but in my head I know they are together 5 days a week and I can't control that, they could go to lunch or to his flat, so I have to trust and stick or bust.
I only heard about this when it blew up, so either she finished it or he did. My worry I guess is that she is telling the true, that it was her, and therefore she could be talked back into it, just like he did all those previous times she felt guilty.

yes I suppose office affairs do happen and it’s a real bummer that they work together etc , so in that case if she finished it can’t she put in for a transfer or move to another dept ? Yes a few wines and bit of the old charm and she be on her back again - really hard situation to be in for you mate