She's cheated on me

[Hwcouple702]

I think it is very kind of you to take the time to write this. It is well thought out and well written. Although everyone’s situation is different, I always look forward to reading your perspective and agree with it most of the time (obviously small parts are going to be different in different relationships). I completely agree with you that reacting negatively and creating drama will not solve anything, but rather create more issues. I am personally a big fan of communication. Putting ”rules” in place is a form of control that can be smothering and inhibit the full enjoyment of the experience in my opinion.

Now does not having rules risk your wife having sex with someone you don’t like or doing something that makes you jealous? Absolutely it does and those two things will likely happen. I also think that when they do and you actually take time to process them rather than react, it will become a turn on that she did it and enjoyed it.

Thanks again for taking the time and I look forward to reading more of your perspective. Actually I would read an article about how you have gone about it and would enjoy reading it!!

The gist of this entire thing is that YOU COULD STOP THIS if you really MEANT IT, but YOU DO NOT. You are on here discussing it because this whole thing turns you on and dominates your feelings far more than the negative feelings. If the "negative" was that bad, you would "be a man" and lay down the law with your wife. I use that term "be a man" not because sharing your wife isn't "manly", but letting your wife trample over your relationship IS. Keep in mind YOU groomed this over the years and she's decided to act on it and now she enjoys it. You're pretty much past the "stop" point unless you want her to stop this all together. If she does that, you need to realize it's probably permanent and she WILL NOT want to hear you beg her to ever do this again. Then you can live out both the comfort and frustration that comes from monogamy. You can't have it both ways. Clearly, she needs to be aware of all of the risks to career and family of this lifestyle and adjust her behavior accordingly. She obviously doesn't see a threat with this guy to her career, but you can be supportive by being that "voice of reason" from outside and telling her if you think it's a problem. Other than that, you CAN NOT "make" her quit. Your disdain for him does not mean the situation is somehow "unsafe" or anything else of the sort. It's about her and her pleasure, NOT you. You're there to be the love of her life and her husband. Other guys are there to be that extra spark of sexual bliss that she craves now.

Keep in mind, I believe this situation to be a bit threatening from a relationship standpoint because she has gotten so close to him, he's the only guy she's seeing over this time and when it ends, it could lead to (as you stated) career implications. They need to remain trusted colleagues and be adults about ending it or at least slowing it WAY down. As odd as it seems, things would be far less worrisome if she was having casual sex with other guys too. No feelings involved.

I believe she would stop (NEVER TO START BACK AGAIN, even when you inevitably go back to begging her to do it again) if you wanted her to do so. You simply don't want her to stop, you know this and I know this. The LAW MUST BE LAID DOWN though when it comes to FEELINGS and YOUR RELATIONSHIP as the PRIMARY PRIORITY. Once you have agreed on that, then just leave her alone to enjoy her extramarital sex life. As long as it's "just sex" then you are both living the dream. She must be smart about this.

Mrs Hotwife

 

[StaggedCuck]

leading up to it too - probably they may sneak away separately if they meeting so I’d be there quite early just in case - they still

yes I suppose office affairs do happen and it’s a real bummer that they work together etc , so in that case if she finished it can’t she put in for a transfer or move to another dept ? Yes a few wines and bit of the old charm and she be on her back again - really hard situation to be in for you mate

The gist of this entire thing is that YOU COULD STOP THIS if you really MEANT IT, but YOU DO NOT. You are on here discussing it because this whole thing turns you on and dominates your feelings far more than the negative feelings. If the "negative" was that bad, you would "be a man" and lay down the law with your wife. I use that term "be a man" not because sharing your wife isn't "manly", but letting your wife trample over your relationship IS. Keep in mind YOU groomed this over the years and she's decided to act on it and now she enjoys it. You're pretty much past the "stop" point unless you want her to stop this all together. If she does that, you need to realize it's probably permanent and she WILL NOT want to hear you beg her to ever do this again. Then you can live out both the comfort and frustration that comes from monogamy. You can't have it both ways. Clearly, she needs to be aware of all of the risks to career and family of this lifestyle and adjust her behavior accordingly. She obviously doesn't see a threat with this guy to her career, but you can be supportive by being that "voice of reason" from outside and telling her if you think it's a problem. Other than that, you CAN NOT "make" her quit. Your disdain for him does not mean the situation is somehow "unsafe" or anything else of the sort. It's about her and her pleasure, NOT you. You're there to be the love of her life and her husband. Other guys are there to be that extra spark of sexual bliss that she craves now.

Keep in mind, I believe this situation to be a bit threatening from a relationship standpoint because she has gotten so close to him, he's the only guy she's seeing over this time and when it ends, it could lead to (as you stated) career implications. They need to remain trusted colleagues and be adults about ending it or at least slowing it WAY down. As odd as it seems, things would be far less worrisome if she was having casual sex with other guys too. No feelings involved.

I believe she would stop (NEVER TO START BACK AGAIN, even when you inevitably go back to begging her to do it again) if you wanted her to do so. You simply don't want her to stop, you know this and I know this. The LAW MUST BE LAID DOWN though when it comes to FEELINGS and YOUR RELATIONSHIP as the PRIMARY PRIORITY. Once you have agreed on that, then just leave her alone to enjoy her extramarital sex life. As long as it's "just sex" then you are both living the dream. She must be smart about this.

Mrs Hotwife

Mrs Hotwife

I find it really hard to respond to your messages, as they are long and rambling and quiet contradictory. You also seem to want to enforce your view on my by using capitals to ram home your point.

You say I could "be a man" and lay down the law, but later you say 'you CAN NOT "make" her quit' 'It's about her and her pleasure'. There is no law to lay down, I don't have to tell her to quit, because it is apparently over.

I have made it quite clear that in some ways it turns me on but it still does not make what she did right in the circumstances and I resent the suggestion I groomed her. We are the same age, until this had a health relationship where we shared our feelings.

I am confused as to whether you agree or disagree with my view on her making a bad choice no just because I don't like him but from a work point of view.

My distain as you put it should have been a huge red flag for her and as it transpires regardless of the reason for it ending, I have been proved right.

There are 3 outcomes to this, it is ended and we go away and repair our marriage, or we manage to go one further and AGREE how to have hotwife relationship or we fail to reach agreement and the relationship ends. I once again reiterate for me a relationship has to have good communication, understand and a desire to pull in the right direction. Laying down the law does not work but she will be left in no doubt what is and isn't on the table.

You say you are a hotwife but have you ever cheated or been cheated on?

If I have misread your meaning, then I am sorry, but I have found it hard to take in, perhaps if you kept it shorter and clearer I might be able to digest it better. You may not believe this but I am struggling right now.

I would welcome others to comment on what you have said.

 

[Hwcouple702]

Mrs Hotwife

I find it really hard to respond to your messages, as they are long and rambling and quiet contradictory. You also seem to want to enforce your view on my by using capitals to ram home your point.

You say I could "be a man" and lay down the law, but later you say 'you CAN NOT "make" her quit' 'It's about her and her pleasure'. There is no law to lay down, I don't have to tell her to quit, because it is apparently over.

I have made it quite clear that in some ways it turns me on but it still does not make what she did right in the circumstances and I resent the suggestion I groomed her. We are the same age, until this had a health relationship where we shared our feelings.

I am confused as to whether you agree or disagree with my view on her making a bad choice no just because I don't like him but from a work point of view.

My distain as you put it should have been a huge red flag for her and as it transpires regardless of the reason for it ending, I have been proved right.

There are 3 outcomes to this, it is ended and we go away and repair our marriage, or we manage to go one further and AGREE how to have hotwife relationship or we fail to reach agreement and the relationship ends. I once again reiterate for me a relationship has to have good communication, understand and a desire to pull in the right direction. Laying down the law does not work but she will be left in no doubt what is and isn't on the table.

You say you are a hotwife but have you ever cheated or been cheated on?

If I have misread your meaning, then I am sorry, but I have found it hard to take in, perhaps if you kept it shorter and clearer I might be able to digest it better. You may not believe this but I am struggling right now.

I would welcome others to comment on what you have said.

1. You misread my post and I'm sure it seems a bit contradictory. In trying to keep a response brief it is often too difficult to make a very nuanced post. If it's too long and detailed, nobody will read it. I apologize. I use the CAPS because those are the key points in my post. Nothing more.

"You say I could "be a man" and lay down the law, but later you say 'you CAN NOT "make" her quit' 'It's about her and her pleasure'. There is no law to lay down, I don't have to tell her to quit, because it is apparently over".

2. No, that's PART of what I said but the words as you posted them are out of context from the complete sentence and point. I said you could either make her stop or allow her to continue. If she continues then she's taken your advice and concerns into consideration and if she's going to play with other men, at that point you can't just try to "make her stop" for some reason. Don't know if that helps explain it a bit. If it's already over, then you really have no need for advice from the post any longer. This is a matter for the two of you to decide going forward. It seemed as though you wish her to continue but object to the man of her choice because you don't like him. The "work" situation is water under the bridge and really no longer is relevant. The sexual relationship has been going on for quite some time now and there's probably not any work problems left to solve. It seems to really be about her and this guy who you don't like. You probably aren't going to like several of the guys she plays with in the future. That's why it's a good thing for her to have a separate sex life as well as her time with you. You two can have sex with others as a couple and she can play with guys on her own?

I can see your point on my CAN NOT comment, because it is clumsily worded. The first part of the quote is "Other than that...", which is a commentary on the rest of the paragraph above. I meant that given the conditions I outlined in the previous paragraph, you have a decision to make. Once you accede to her desires for sex with other men you cannot go back and try to stop what she's doing.

My feelings after reading this latest post are that two of your three possible outcomes have either repairing your relationship or dissolution of your relationship involved. Neither of those is a positive for your marriage, quite clearly. In the case as you just laid out, you must tell her in no uncertain terms to stop seeing other men, that you aren't in to it and that she is destroying your relationship. You must tell her to stop this and NEVER bring up cheating or her playing with other men again. Give up on the lifestyle and find something less harmful to fulfill your sexual desires. Yours seems to be a classic case of a man getting what he desired and groomed his wife to do and then coming unglued when it happens. That's a terrible mixed message for her, she WILL feel guilty and feel as though she's betrayed you and she is likely to NEVER want to do any of this again. In your case, that may be exactly what you need in your relationship.

 

[StaggedCuck]

1. You misread my post and I'm sure it seems a bit contradictory. In trying to keep a response brief it is often too difficult to make a very nuanced post. If it's too long and detailed, nobody will read it. I apologize. I use the CAPS because those are the key points in my post. Nothing more.

"You say I could "be a man" and lay down the law, but later you say 'you CAN NOT "make" her quit' 'It's about her and her pleasure'. There is no law to lay down, I don't have to tell her to quit, because it is apparently over".

2. No, that's PART of what I said but the words as you posted them are out of context from the complete sentence and point. I said you could either make her stop or allow her to continue. If she continues then she's taken your advice and concerns into consideration and if she's going to play with other men, at that point you can't just try to "make her stop" for some reason. Don't know if that helps explain it a bit. If it's already over, then you really have no need for advice from the post any longer. This is a matter for the two of you to decide going forward. It seemed as though you wish her to continue but object to the man of her choice because you don't like him. The "work" situation is water under the bridge and really no longer is relevant. The sexual relationship has been going on for quite some time now and there's probably not any work problems left to solve. It seems to really be about her and this guy who you don't like. You probably aren't going to like several of the guys she plays with in the future. That's why it's a good thing for her to have a separate sex life as well as her time with you. You two can have sex with others as a couple and she can play with guys on her own?

I can see your point on my CAN NOT comment, because it is clumsily worded. The first part of the quote is "Other than that...", which is a commentary on the rest of the paragraph above. I meant that given the conditions I outlined in the previous paragraph, you have a decision to make. Once you accede to her desires for sex with other men you cannot go back and try to stop what she's doing.

My feelings after reading this latest post are that two of your three possible outcomes have either repairing your relationship or dissolution of your relationship involved. Neither of those is a positive for your marriage, quite clearly. In the case as you just laid out, you must tell her in no uncertain terms to stop seeing other men, that you aren't in to it and that she is destroying your relationship. You must tell her to stop this and NEVER bring up cheating or her playing with other men again. Give up on the lifestyle and find something less harmful to fulfill your sexual desires. Yours seems to be a classic case of a man getting what he desired and groomed his wife to do and then coming unglued when it happens. That's a terrible mixed message for her, she WILL feel guilty and feel as though she's betrayed you and she is likely to NEVER want to do any of this again. In your case, that may be exactly what you need in your relationship.

Have you ever cheated or have you been cheated on?

 

[Hwcouple702]

Have you ever cheated or have you been cheated on?

Seriously? You should read my stories and posts. Yes, I cheated from my wedding day on.

 

[Charles]

Seriously? You should read my stories and posts. Yes, I cheated from my wedding day on.

In fairness, you did it in a very erotic way and did not ever stray from your husband with your heart as I read it!!

 

[Hwcouple702]

In fairness, you did it in a very erotic way and did not ever stray from your husband with your heart as I read it!!

That's true. I promised him on our wedding night that he would always have my love and my heart but that I wasn't going to be faithful with my body. I told him he would have to share my body. I'm not sure he totally believed it or just thought it was erotic conversation. He soon found out that I meant it and it's never been a problem. I just never told him I was doing it for many years.

 

[StaggedCuck]

Cheating is non-consensual

 

[Snoopsissy]

Cheating is non consensual

Cheating is non-consensual

so how are things going ? - do you have a plan A/ B for whatever happens / doesn’t happen at the office thing ? .

 

[Snoopsissy]

So how are things going ? - do you have a plan A/B for whatever happens / doesn’t happen at the office thing ?

 

[StaggedCuck]

So how are things going ? - do you have a plan A/B for whatever happens / doesn’t happen at the office thing ?

Getting wound up on hear right now I think.
I will go early as you said and take it from there, plan A I guess is to keep a low profile, Plan B is if need be is confront it full on

 

[Snoopsissy]

Getting wound up on hear right now I think.
I will go early as you said and take it from there, plan A I guess is to keep a low profile, Plan B is if need be is confront it full on

Ah I see , I think other people have there own ideas and opinions on things due to there own relationships and lifestyle and more power to them , however your own personal situation right now is eating you up through no real fault of your own and I really relate to your feelings and angst because of it . Hope it goes A for you rather than B though but you must play it as you see it , personally I think you have a marvellous job so far keeping calm considering your situation . Plan A means giving your wife the last benefit of doubt and still think she was taking the ******** big time actually going , B will give you your definitive answer eh

 

[420destiny]

My wife cheated on me too. I also felt very hurt, but also very turned on by it. In the end, your wife told you and did not leave you. If you can turn the feelings of hurt into a perverse joy, then you're in a good place with it.

What can you say, a woman has needs and these kind of things happen. If you can roll with it, count yourself lucky your woman can tell you and stay with you after the dust has settled.

 

[StaggedCuck]

Ah I see , I think other people have there own ideas and opinions on things due to there own relationships and lifestyle and more power to them , however your own personal situation right now is eating you up through no real fault of your own and I really relate to your feelings and angst because of it . Hope it goes A for you rather than B though but you must play it as you see it , personally I think you have a marvellous job so far keeping calm considering your situation . Plan A means giving your wife the last benefit of doubt and still think she was taking the ******** big time actually going , B will give you your definitive answer eh

I am grateful for your support

 

[StaggedCuck]

My wife cheated on me too. I also felt very hurt, but also very turned on by it. In the end, your wife told you and did not leave you. If you can turn the feelings of hurt into a perverse joy, then you're in a good place with it.

What can you say, a woman has needs and these kind of things happen. If you can roll with it, count yourself lucky your woman can tell you and stay with you after the dust has settled.

You obviously understand. Trust me I am trying to go in that direction but I am also very strong willed

 

[Snoopsissy]

You obviously understand. Trust me I am trying to go in that direction but I am also very strong willed

Snap - after the phone conversations were revealed between my wife and her fancy piece ( her face was priceless ) we too made another go off things but I wasn’t happy being fucked over and made to look a fool , I think even though the cuck fantasy really appeals and It’s a turn on you rapidly turn into a raging stag / super bull when the reality dawns just what she has been up to eh

 

[StaggedCuck]

Snap - after the phone conversations were revealed between my wife and her fancy piece ( her face was priceless ) we too made another go off things but I wasn’t happy being fucked over and made to look a fool , I think even though the cuck fantasy really appeals and It’s a turn on you rapidly turn into a raging stag / super bull when the reality dawns just what she has been up to eh

You are right. I would say that having emerged myself online, I associate myself more as stag than cuckold

 

[420destiny]

My wife cheated on me too. I also felt very hurt, but also very turned on by it. In the end, your wife told you and did not leave you. If you can turn the feelings of hurt into a perverse joy, then you're in a good place with it.

What can you say, a woman has needs and these kind of things happen. If you can roll with it, count yourself lucky your woman can tell you and stay with you after the dust has settled.

You obviously understand. Trust me I am trying to go in that direction but I am also very strong willed

There were times as a cuckold that the feelings were overwhelming. I couldn't handle it. My wife told a few of her friends about the cuckolding, and so there is this small social group where I can never escape being seen as a cuckold loser. They knew after the cuckolding that the cheating was happening, while it was happening. It's an unbelievable turn on but, if I'm not in the mood to be so humiliated it can be a real burn. I feel differently sitting behind a computer here of course but in real face to face life it doesn't always go according to my private thoughts. Her friends even know they fucked unprotected and my wife could have ended up carrying his baby.

Over time however, I've gotten my greatest and deepest enjoyment of my cuckold side because of just how wrong and dirty things got. I'm very turned on that she kept in private contact with a man who had cuckolded me in person already, and cheated with him behind my back. I'm very turned on by being humiliated by her friends, even if I can't handle it at the moment, I will be even more blown away later at my actual humiliation. Because it got so bad, It's that much more intensely thrilling to my cuckold side.

 

[StaggedCuck]

My wife cheated on me too. I also felt very hurt, but also very turned on by it. In the end, your wife told you and did not leave you. If you can turn the feelings of hurt into a perverse joy, then you're in a good place with it.

What can you say, a woman has needs and these kind of things happen. If you can roll with it, count yourself lucky your woman can tell you and stay with you after the dust has settled.


There were times as a cuckold that the feelings were overwhelming. I couldn't handle it. My wife told a few of her friends about the cuckolding, and so there is this small social group where I can never escape being seen as a cuckold loser. They knew after the cuckolding that the cheating was happening, while it was happening. It's an unbelievable turn on but, if I'm not in the mood to be so humiliated it can be a real burn. I feel differently sitting behind a computer here of course but in real face to face life it doesn't always go according to my private thoughts. Her friends even know they fucked unprotected and my wife could have ended up carrying his baby.

Over time however, I've gotten my greatest and deepest enjoyment of my cuckold side because of just how wrong and dirty things got. I'm very turned on that she kept in private contact with a man who had cuckolded me in person already, and cheated with him behind my back. I'm very turned on by being humiliated by her friends, even if I can't handle it at the moment, I will be even more blown away later at my actual humiliation. Because it got so bad, It's that much more intensely thrilling to my cuckold side.

Yes it is the fact that people will always know even if nothing is ever said, the humiliation burns.
unlike your wife mine hasn’t saId people know, but I am pretty certain that is the case, and they must have covered for her.
She has admitted one occasion when I dropped her off and picked her up late night from the station, she had gone to his, not to one of her female friends from work.
What was yours thinking fucking unprotected, was she on the pill?
I have said a lot about this guy, but when I was asking her about that first drunken time, I questioned if he had used a condom, she said no. I questioned if he asked if she was protected and the answer was he didnt. It seems that any consequence wasn’t his problem
it is the total mindfuck and changing moods and emotions I am currently struggling with. Humiliation is winning out right now.

 

[tonetantillo]

Yeah I think it’s still going on if she knows you know and won’t stop going to office get together even though It bothers you, that’s not cool. It sounds like it’s not worth staying but at least get some fun out of it. I mean this is the guy she choose to fuck. Maybe you can convince her eventually to take photos or videos, maybe even be in the next room. If she won’t even do that than why stay. Your getting nothing out of relationship she’s getting everything.