Surprising things about the lifestyle

On the Bull-side of the lifestyle, I still can't get over how many cuckolds are retired US Marines ... big guys ... guys with 10 inch cocks ... not the type of guy that one would ever have expected to spend a Saturday evening watching baseball in the living room while I, or several of us, are filling his wife up with cum in the back bedroom.
Not as a surprising as it would seem when you think about it. Men who spend long periods of time on the other side of the world, likely start to fantasize about their wives being satisfied as they jerk off. Likely worry that their wife might cheat and use a cuck fetish to feel in control of the cheating. They also have high stress jobs that leave some trauma and I would imagine the idea of relinquishing responsibility for satisfying her sexually while at the same time controlling it would be natural. I feel like once your brain crosses over into being a cuck there is no going back.
 
For me what was surprising was that she had tolerated mu little dick for so long and was willing to live a life with unsatisfying sex or almost no sex with me before I encouraged her.

I’m also still surprised about the deep emasculating shame I still feel after I orgasm. It just never goes away. Also never imagined that I would stop initiating sex and just feel too inadequate to bother her with it. I serious think that I will never have PIV sex again in my life. With my wife or even if she left me. I just feel too small and inadequate to do that again. That is shocking to me that I have accepted it.