What rules did you agree on when you started?

[ThisOne]

When you started this journey, did you agree on any rules? Are there any rules that you recommend having? Are there any rules that are bound to be broken?

We are a couple in our 40s and we talked for a while about trying to add someone. I also told her that if there's someone that she wants, she can have him as long as she asks for a permission first. This past week, during a business trip, she decided to have sex with her boss. She asked for permission and I gave it. Then she decided to do it again on the following night but didn't ask this time.
We are good together and I'm not too concerned about this particular case but as it is more likely now that we will act on the fantasy to add guys to our sex I wonder what would be the best approach to protect ourselves.

 

[HotAsianwife]

Everything needs to be transparent to promote trust. And respect each other’s boundaries.

 

[inkedangels]

When you started this journey, did you agree on any rules? Are there any rules that you recommend having? Are there any rules that are bound to be broken?

We are a couple in our 40s and we talked for a while about trying to add someone. I also told her that if there's someone that she wants, she can have him as long as she asks for a permission first. This past week, during a business trip, she decided to have sex with her boss. She asked for permission and I gave it. Then she decided to do it again on the following night but didn't ask this time.
We are good together and I'm not too concerned about this particular case but as it is more likely now that we will act on the fantasy to add guys to our sex I wonder what would be the best approach to protect ourselves.

We didn’t want to make specific rules as we felt that sort of restricted the point of us exploring our sexual boundaries, we agreed we would be totally open with one another and nothing would be done without the other knowing, we wasn’t worried about pregnancy as she had gone through the change early so it was only sti’s we were concerned about, and initially agreed condoms would be used and see how it goes. We chose a word that both would use if either wanted to stop, and that was it. Things are dynamic and can change in seconds and sometimes you get carried away with the moment

 

[naturalcucky]

There are no rules. My wife does what she wants, and she's always bareback.

 

[Iahotwifeshusband]

We started with quite a few rules and they evolve or are broken in the heat of the moment. The biggest thing is to communicate and make sure both partners needs are being met.

 

[DewMyWife]

Generally that I'm there, and other men use condoms. We don't share May near where we live, though there have been a couple of exceptions.

 

[Loridan]

Our first time wasn't planned at all, we'd never talked sbout anything like this. WAY before I knew her she had done the mfm thing a "few times" according to her, I did know about it but she never talked about it. We just kinda worked up to doing it more often. We never did, still don't have any rules but nothing weird happens.

 

[Ocguy]

These are what started with No kissing, no anal, No bJs or fucking when I’m not there and condoms are a must.

Condom broke the first night he nutted in her twice the first time. Condoms were no longer used. The kissing rule was broke the second time we hooked up when he went balls deep as she orgasmed and got into a tongue duel with him. The last two rules stuck for two years when we agreed to let them play alone at lunchtime and the weekends were worked.

The last rule was broken at the end of the third year against my protest and was called and listened to him finally fuck her ass along with a buddy of his.

 

[Hotwifelove]

My husband always watches. Well sometimes at swingers parties he maybe busy too. Also.he takes a lot.of.puctures and short videos

 

[Anonymousrob84]

When you started this journey, did you agree on any rules? Are there any rules that you recommend having? Are there any rules that are bound to be broken?

We are a couple in our 40s and we talked for a while about trying to add someone. I also told her that if there's someone that she wants, she can have him as long as she asks for a permission first. This past week, during a business trip, she decided to have sex with her boss. She asked for permission and I gave it. Then she decided to do it again on the following night but didn't ask this time.
We are good together and I'm not too concerned about this particular case but as it is more likely now that we will act on the fantasy to add guys to our sex I wonder what would be the best approach to protect ourselves.

We had a very definitive set of rules:
1) I am always there. Not involved, unless we talk about it, but always there
2) no humiliation we are there for fun
3) I can read any conversations that they have at any time
4) we both have veto power for any reason
5) I won’t play with anyone else
6) I screen the guys and then forward them on to her (she likes it better this way)
7) no playing at our home, or with people we know from our vanilla life
8) our marriage comes first, and if either one of us wants to stop, we just have to say the word.

 

[JustWhatWeLike]

When first getting into the lifestyle, we think it’s dangerous not to have any ground rules. Those “rules” are really for both husband and wife. Everybody being on the same page is really important (for us).

 

[jw_kk]

Starting out, we had all kinds of “rules” - many were mine, associated with discomfort or anxiety related to intimacy. No kissing, safe sex only, me present for the encounter, and so on.

Some of these rules were well-intentioned, for health or safety. Some were rooted in fear, jealousy or selfishness.

For us, the no kissing rule went first. I eventually came to accept that KK needs to kiss as part of the experience - it is integral to her sensuality. That rule almost always got broken, leaving one or both of us feeling negative.

The safe sex rule was another - KK often succumbed, caught up in the moment, neglecting use of a condom. She also has a cum fetish, a mild latex allergy, and generally hates condoms, preferring skin-on-skin. We’ve learned to adapt, screening partners and demanding STD/STI testing, and other tactics to mitigate health risks. I also make sure that KK always has a half-dozen or so non-latex condoms in her purse…

Me having to be present at every encounter also went out the window - pragmatism and opportunism were the primary drivers. There are also times when KK prefers one-on-one with her encounter partner; “private time…”

All in, we only have two rules; no drinking and driving, and a check-in protocol if she’s playing on her own.

We do have some mutually agreed upon guidelines - less rigid than rules in the semantic sense. One of those is discretion, keeping our private life separate from our public/professional life. As such, we tend not to play with anyone we know from the vanilla side of life.

We used to follow a sort of one-and-done pattern; in part this was driven by KK’s need for variety, in part to reduce the possibility of attachment syndrome. Over time, our adherence to these guidelines has waned - KK’s current boyfriend Andy is both a vanilla life acquaintance/friend, as well as a “regular.”

Our only real “rule” is:

“She who has the pussy makes the rules."

 

[Robert Smith]

Our first rule is that Elaine can say "No" at anytime and for any reason.
For the first first years Elaine inisited I set it up with men she did not know. She later relaxed that one and we did aquaintances and even friends

 

[SilverStag]

We are similar to many here. Our rules for solo play are pretty much the same as for swinging. No one takes one for the team. No Ex's. All communications are open and transparent. Permission from the other before initiating anything that may lead to play. We each have an absolute, no questions asked veto over the other's playmates. No overnights. No one younger than our kids. We don't play at our home (it is our personal sanctuary). Generally, no play on the first meeting/ date (we will bend that one if we are out of town or at an event where it is unlikely we will be able to have a second date.

 

[WNY3somecple]

We quickly learned guidelines are better than rules. Guidelines allow flexibility

 

[JustWhatWeLike]

Ok, I can’t be the only one to see the CNN story yesterday on the FRONT page of their website? https://www..../2023/02/19/health/couples-explore-nonmonogamous-relationships-wellness (Is the URL ok? I’ve never posted one but since it’s to a news site thought it would be ok?)

 

[SilverStag]

We quickly learned guidelines are better than rules. Guidelines allow flexibility

Isn't that a quote form Pirates of the Caribbean? "There not really rules,....more like guidelines..."

 

[Robert Smith]

We are similar to many here. Our rules for solo play are pretty much the same as for swinging. No one takes one for the team. No Ex's. All communications are open and transparent. Permission from the other before initiating anything that may lead to play. We each have an absolute, no questions asked veto over the other's playmates. No overnights. No one younger than our kids. We don't play at our home (it is our personal sanctuary). Generally, no play on the first meeting/ date (we will bend that one if we are out of town or at an event where it is unlikely we will be able to have a second date.

I agree with everything you said

 

[Hotwifelove]

i do anything I want in front of my hisband

 

[WNY3somecple]

Isn't that a quote form Pirates of the Caribbean? "There not really rules,....more like guidelines..."

No I said it decades ago, they stole it from me