Denial, chastity and other ideas.

[coastalkid]

There seems to be a wide and varying implementation of denial in this community. Most (not all) men here are denied sex with other women as an almost given rule. Some are denied any sexual contact or stimulation from their wives. Some are denied specific acts or orifices. Some control their spouses with chastity. There definitely seems to be an infinite amount of variations.

My disconnect with denial is that I still want and need sexual attention. Even if it's a totally different form of attention. As long as it's not LESS I think I could learn to enjoy it. If the denial was associated with long periods of indifference and being ignored sexually then I would definitely struggle with that. There are some psychological hurdles that would be tough. I wouldn't want to "top from the bottom", but I'd want to be reassured I'm not just ignored.

In spite of all I've said above, I'm thinking of suggesting chastity to my wife. If I bring it up the right way she won't just dismiss the idea as perverted. She has caught me several times masturbating to online porn. I'm thinking the next time she catches me I'll talk to her about it. It doesn't involve anyone else so that's not a deal breaker. We live alone, no one would see anything. My worry is everything I said above. Even more worrisome bringing it up.

Any ideas?

What are your worst and best denial experiences?

 

[NorCalMan]

Masturbating to porn is what led to my being put in chastity. My wife views it as a severe trust violation, no different than cheating. After some discussion, we agreed to try the honor system. Well that did not go well since I just didn't have the will power to refrain from jerking off. Additionally, I lied repeatedly denying I had gotten off. She did amp up giving me hand jobs but knew by how hard I was and the amount of cum that I had broken the rules. She ordered a cage and life changed dramatically. She now has total control over my orgasms and I am expected to be on my best behavior if I want any sexual release.

 

[coastalkid]

Masturbating to porn is what led to my being put in chastity. My wife views it as a severe trust violation, no different than cheating. After some discussion, we agreed to try the honor system. Well that did not go well since I just didn't have the will power to refrain from jerking off. Additionally, I lied repeatedly denying I had gotten off. She did amp up giving me hand jobs but knew by how hard I was and the amount of cum that I had broken the rules. She ordered a cage and life changed dramatically. She now has total control over my orgasms and I am expected to be on my best behavior if I want any sexual release.

How did your wife learn about chastity cages? I know mine doesn't have a clue about them. We never really have sex that often, sometimes once week, sometimes twice a month. So, I found relief through porn and masturbation. I just want to change the routine somehow. Maybe chastity could do that. I don't know but I'd be willing to try.

How long have you been caged? Now that you have to be "good" to get your release, how often do you get your release now? Since your locked up now, what classifies as "not" being on your "best behavior"? What instantly draws her ire?

 

[NorCalMan]

How did your wife learn about chastity cages? I know mine doesn't have a clue about them. We never really have sex that often, sometimes once week, sometimes twice a month. So, I found relief through porn and masturbation. I just want to change the routine somehow. Maybe chastity could do that. I don't know but I'd be willing to try.

How long have you been caged? Now that you have to be "good" to get your release, how often do you get your release now? Since your locked up now, what classifies as "not" being on your "best behavior"? What instantly draws her ire?

I think she heard about chastity cages from her friend. She even mentioned that they can be bought on line. We have bought a few since the first ones did not fit properly. Cheap ones are cheap for a reason. I have been in chastity almost two years and my wife is very good at providing my release. Usually two or three times a month sometimes more. What I have learned is to not be asking her for my release. She says its annoying and results in continued lock up. I go out of my way to give her foot rubs and things I know she enjoys including going down on her. When she does release me I usually get a blow job and/or hand job. The orgasms are explosive and quick.

 

[coastalkid]

I think she heard about chastity cages from her friend. She even mentioned that they can be bought on line. We have bought a few since the first ones did not fit properly. Cheap ones are cheap for a reason. I have been in chastity almost two years and my wife is very good at providing my release. Usually two or three times a month sometimes more. What I have learned is to not be asking her for my release. She says its annoying and results in continued lock up. I go out of my way to give her foot rubs and things I know she enjoys including going down on her. When she does release me I usually get a blow job and/or hand job. The orgasms are explosive and quick.

First off, I know my wife would like the extra attention. She loves foot rubs and when I do the dishes and clean house (i do that anyway, as well as 90% of the laundry). I know my wife would love that part. I would know from all I've read in other posts that nagging for release invariably ends up in the exact opposite result, no!

I would fear her knowing how much I love eating her pussy. I would eat her everyday as long as she wants if I had it my way. I think that would be a tool she would use with precision!

Does your wife tease you? I think about being ignored and how that might affect me. Does your wife make "an occasion" out your releases? Do you even know when they will happen? My guess is no.

 

[jw_kk]

One of our shared kinks is teasing & denial. KK is mostly dominant, and enjoys the rush, the power trip of controlling a man sexually.

She's got T&D down to an art form. For me, these performances extend the session, prolonging the pleasure, with KK keeping me going until I am absolutely begging for release.

The best of these sessions begin and end in an evening. The most difficult span days. The worst was a three-week plus blue-balling treatment, during which KK tormented me continuously, but refused to allow me any form of release.

 

[coastalkid]

One of our shared kinks is teasing & denial. KK is mostly dominant, and enjoys the rush, the power trip of controlling a man sexually.

She's got T&D down to an art form. For me, these performances extend the session, prolonging the pleasure, with KK keeping me going until I am absolutely begging for release.

The best of these sessions begin and end in an evening. The most difficult span days. The worst was a three-week plus blue-balling treatment, during which KK tormented me continuously, but refused to allow me any form of release.

I would see the three week thing as sexual attention too, even if it was agonizing. She (KK) knows you love it, probably crave it.

 

[jw_kk]

I would see the three week thing as sexual attention too, even if it was agonizing. She (KK) knows you love it, probably crave it.

The blue-ball T&D thing was a punishment - KK was traveling on a combo business/pleasure trip. (hooking up with a lover). While she was gone, I accidentally ruined a pair of her favorite panties - I used them as a jack-off aid, and accidentally put them into the wrong laundry load. There was extra cruelty involved, because she told her girlfriend Becky all the juicy details, including the fact that I was being punished...

 

[Sgt Ray]

One of our shared kinks is teasing & denial. KK is mostly dominant, and enjoys the rush, the power trip of controlling a man sexually.

She's got T&D down to an art form. For me, these performances extend the session, prolonging the pleasure, with KK keeping me going until I am absolutely begging for release.

The best of these sessions begin and end in an evening. The most difficult span days. The worst was a three-week plus blue-balling treatment, during which KK tormented me continuously, but refused to allow me any form of release.

My GF has become very into T & D and it certainly does extend the sexual AND non-sexual times we have. She does a great deal of edging and enjoys my need to unload and her ability to control it. Usually a day or 2, but sometimes on long weekends it cud be 4 or 5 days of blue ball treatments for me.
But the eventual release is fabulous!

 

[coastalkid]

The blue-ball T&D thing was a punishment - KK was traveling on a combo business/pleasure trip. (hooking up with a lover). While she was gone, I accidentally ruined a pair of her favorite panties - I used them as a jack-off aid, and accidentally put them into the wrong laundry load. There was extra cruelty involved, because she told her girlfriend Becky all the juicy details, including the fact that I was being punished...

It must make you feel a little funny when you see Becky face to face. I'm sure she knows about a lot more than this one instance. I'll bet KK and Becky have some crazy stories to tell when they've been drinking. Not to mention she knows you "get punished". She knows you're manipulated and you're no fool, you're a professional successful man. That's a pretty good tease in and of itself!

 

[coastalkid]

My GF has become very into T & D and it certainly does extend the sexual AND non-sexual times we have. She does a great deal of edging and enjoys my need to unload and her ability to control it. Usually a day or 2, but sometimes on long weekends it cud be 4 or 5 days of blue ball treatments for me.
But the eventual release is fabulous!

That's what I'm thinking, that it would extend into the "non sexual" times. She knows she controls it so she invariably has to think about when, how and if she gets you off. I would think sex (it whatever form) would always be in the back of her mind.

 

[jw_kk]

It must make you feel a little funny when you see Becky face to face. I'm sure she knows about a lot more than this one instance. I'll bet KK and Becky have some crazy stories to tell when they've been drinking. Not to mention she knows you "get punished". She knows you're manipulated and you're no fool, you're a professional successful man. That's a pretty good tease in and of itself!

Both KK and Becky are comfortably bisexual - they've been lovers for about 12-years. At first, it was a little (maybe a lot) awkward, knowing that Becky knows all the "dirt." Over time, I've mostly gotten used to it. Every once in a while, KK involves Becky in her shenanigans. During the blue-ball thing, Becky took great delight in knowing that KK was withholding sex from me. Lots off off-color commentary, some of it at inappropriate times like dinner with vanilla friends...

 

[coastalkid]

Both KK and Becky are comfortably bisexual - they've been lovers for about 12-years. At first, it was a little (maybe a lot) awkward, knowing that Becky knows all the "dirt." Over time, I've mostly gotten used to it. Every once in a while, KK involves Becky in her shenanigans. During the blue-ball thing, Becky took great delight in knowing that KK was withholding sex from me. Lots off off-color commentary, some of it at inappropriate times like dinner with vanilla friends...

I suspected as much! KK is a sexual force to be reckoned with (not that it could be). Becky affords KK something you are incapable of supplying, being a female. Is Becky her (KK's) main friend? I can only imagine the experience you have if the both of them are teasing you.

 

[STLcouple]

We tried swinging early in our exploration of having an open relationship, but ended up in the hotwife/cuckold end of the lifestlye when I realized I was far more into seeing her having sex and being pleasured by other partners, than I was into having sex with other women.

Only one of those ladies was anywhere near as exciting or as good in bed.

As far as denial, my wife has never denied me sex with her, with the exception of anal sex, which we tried, but is now off limits for me. That said, it's not out of any desire to deny me, but more simply because I'm above average in length and thickness, and she finds it uncomfortable no matter how much prep and lube is used. Her current long term lover on the other hand is very average in size, and is welcome to use her ass anytime, as she finds it quite enjoyable, although he rarely does, much preferring her mouth and pussy!

Each couple in this lifestyle is different. Some wives and husbands love reclaiming sex. Some husbands like being denied certain things like oral or anal that only her lover's get. Some wives would just rather focus on good sex with a bull, over bad sex with a husband that isn't good in bed (too small, premature ejaculation, etc.). In some cases, the more masochistic husbands find it much more exciting, erotic, and fullfilling to be completely replaced sexually (at least when it comes to PIV sex or expecting oral from their wives), accepting only handjobs, or masterbation for any relief (with some more extreme going as far as to only get non-orgasmic relief through ruined masterbation or prostate milking).

Personally, I couldn't handle permanent denial of my wife's breasts, mouth, or pussy, but I do find it erotic that my wife's lover gets to enjoy something like her ass, that I know I'll never experience again. It makes me jealous, excited, and even hotter for her, knowing she offers him something she won't do for me!

 

[coastalkid]

We tried swinging early in our exploration of having an open relationship, but ended up in the hotwife/cuckold end of the lifestlye when I realized I was far more into seeing her having sex and being pleasured by other partners, than I was into having sex with other women.

Only one of those ladies was anywhere near as exciting or as good in bed.

As far as denial, my wife has never denied me sex with her, with the exception of anal sex, which we tried, but is now off limits for me. That said, it's not out of any desire to deny me, but more simply because I'm above average in length and thickness, and she finds it uncomfortable no matter how much prep and lube is used. Her current long term lover on the other hand is very average in size, and is welcome to use her ass anytime, as she finds it quite enjoyable, although he rarely does, much preferring her mouth and pussy!

Each couple in this lifestyle is different. Some wives and husbands love reclaiming sex. Some husbands like being denied certain things like oral or anal that only her lover's get. Some wives would just rather focus on good sex with a bull, over bad sex with a husband that isn't good in bed (too small, premature ejaculation, etc.). In some cases, the more masochistic husbands find it much more exciting, erotic, and fullfilling to be completely replaced sexually (at least when it comes to PIV sex or expecting oral from their wives), accepting only handjobs, or masterbation for any relief (with some more extreme going as far as to only get non-orgasmic relief through ruined masterbation or prostate milking).

Personally, I couldn't handle permanent denial of my wife's breasts, mouth, or pussy, but I do find it erotic that my wife's lover gets to enjoy something like her ass, that I know I'll never experience again. It makes me jealous, excited, and even hotter for her, knowing she offers him something she won't do for me!

Yeah, that permanent denial idea would only feed my passive/aggressive side, resentment would build within me. If it was only her ass off limits to me I think I could deal with that. Being ignored or receiving less sexual attention (not necessarily intercourse) would be a dealbreaker.

 

[jw_kk]

I suspected as much! KK is a sexual force to be reckoned with (not that it could be). Becky affords KK something you are incapable of supplying, being a female. Is Becky her (KK's) main friend? I can only imagine the experience you have if the both of them are teasing you.

Becky is KK's best, most trusted, most intimate female friend. The dynamic between the two of them is insanely hot. Things are a bit more tense for me; KK and I have significant asymmetry in our relationship. When it comes to me and other women, KK is off-the-rails jealous, damn near homicidal. She knows that give half a chance, I'd fuck Becky senseless, but she'd kill one or both of us if that were to happen.

 

[Annahub]

My worst denial experience is the wife dialling it up a notch from refusing to unlock me to completely denying me any kind of sexual thrill.

This has now extended to me not even being allowed to see her naked. It started in a mild way with her getting dressed in the morning putting her bra on with her back to me and then holding a towel round her while putting on her panties, pulling them up really quickly so I couldn't even get a glimpse.

It's progressed to her getting dressed/undressed in the bathroom now, but sometimes she leaves the door open so I can see a reflection in the shower, deliberately I think.

i know she's doing the nudity denial deliberately because she teases me about it openly. "Long time since you've seen any tits," that kind of thing.

She also asked me to leave the bedroom yesterday so she could get changed. " I don't want you ogling me like a pervert and it's not good for you to get excited like that whn you're locked up."

it's hot but awful all at the same time.

 

[coastalkid]

My worst denial experience is the wife dialling it up a notch from refusing to unlock me to completely denying me any kind of sexual thrill.

This has now extended to me not even being allowed to see her naked. It started in a mild way with her getting dressed in the morning putting her bra on with her back to me and then holding a towel round her while putting on her panties, pulling them up really quickly so I couldn't even get a glimpse.

It's progressed to her getting dressed/undressed in the bathroom now, but sometimes she leaves the door open so I can see a reflection in the shower, deliberately I think.

i know she's doing the nudity denial deliberately because she teases me about it openly. "Long time since you've seen any tits," that kind of thing.

She also asked me to leave the bedroom yesterday so she could get changed. " I don't want you ogling me like a pervert and it's not good for you to get excited like that whn you're locked up."

it's hot but awful all at the same time.

There's lots about this I want to understand. At some point you anticipate a reward for your compliance, right? It isn't a "forever" kind of thing is it? After a long enough period of time does it become a routine of sorts, or is it like how long of a streak can we keep this up deal? How often do you get released to have an orgasm? When you are sleeping with your wife do try to feel her up when she's asleep? Maybe you can't see her titties but you can at least cop a feel, right?

 

[Sgt Ray]

Legitimate question for a new come of dubious or no distinction.
Yeah, go ahead, explain how the pleasure for you, the erotism, the satisfaction, comes from the psychological part of this for true cuckolds.

Sleep in her bed, peek at her "tities"? Wow, he has no idea what cuckold is about!

 

[Duber]

One of our shared kinks is teasing & denial. KK is mostly dominant, and enjoys the rush, the power trip of controlling a man sexually.

She's got T&D down to an art form. For me, these performances extend the session, prolonging the pleasure, with KK keeping me going until I am absolutely begging for release.

The best of these sessions begin and end in an evening. The most difficult span days. The worst was a three-week plus blue-balling treatment, during which KK tormented me continuously, but refused to allow me any form of release.

My wife and her bull decided that I should be locked up for 4 weeks I am on week 3 and it has been difficult when I do get released I think I will shoot a big load immediately!